She swallowed against the grief that choked her. She'd loved him so ... Every day, she missed him terribly. "Thank you. He was a good man. He married my mom when I was four and you'd have never known he wasn't my biological father."
"You were at a dance with him when you were older. You wore a short blue skirt and white blouse."
She nodded. "It was a father-daughter charity dance that was sponsored by his office."
He frowned at her. "Why did you burst out crying during one of the dances? Did he hurt your feelings?"
"Oh God no. He'd just been diagnosed with cancer and they started playing the Bob Carlisle song, 'Butterfly Kisses.'"
"I don't know it."
"It's a song about a woman and her father and-" She broke off into a sob.
"Sh," he said, pulling her back into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Kateri. I didn't mean to make you cry."
"No, it's okay." She sniffed back her tears. "I wish you'd known a father like him, Ren. He was so good to me. There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel his loss as much as I do my mother's and my grandmother's. I was so lucky to have him. And he loved my mother more than you can imagine. To the day he died, he had their wedding photo on his desk, and his one request for his funeral was that I place a photo of her on his heart and lay his hands over it. I remember asking him once, years after her death, why he never dated anyone. He told me that he'd found his one perfect soul mate and that there was no reason in trying to find another. No woman would ever mean as much to him as my mother had and that he didn't have room in his heart or life for anyone else. Keeping up with me was a full-time job and it was the only job he really wanted."
Ren had no way of relating to the love she described. But it sounded incredible. "I'm glad he was good to you."
Kateri burst into deep, wrenching sobs.
What did I do? Ren pulled back and cupped her face in both of his hands. Never had he felt so lost. He hadn't meant to hurt her with his comment. Stupidly, he'd thought to make her feel better. He'd spent so little time around women that he had no idea how to help her. Did all women do this?
Was it normal? Or had he broken her with his ignorance?
And still she sobbed as if something inside her had snapped. What could he say? After what just happened, he was terrified to even try.
"Don't look at me," she wailed.
He released her and started to turn away.
She grabbed him and threw herself into his arms. He stood there, stunned. Okay. She wanted him to hold her, yet not look at her. Weird, but okay.
Dammit, Sundown, where are you when I need advice? Surely, his married friend would have a clue.
Maybe ...
Ren searched his mind for something he could do to soothe her. The only thing he could remember was seeing mothers with crying children. They would hold and rock them.
Scooping her up in his arms, he carried her to a small clearing and sat down to hold her in his lap. He brushed the hair back from her face while she sobbed against his chest and clung to him. Wow, all this over what he thought was an innocuous comment meant to cheer her up. You will never understand people.
That was definitely true. They'd never made sense to him in any way.
So he held her against him and rocked her gently, hoping they didn't get attacked until she had time to finish.
Kateri hated that she'd fallen apart like this. It was what she hated most about grieving. Most days, she was fine. But every now and again, a sight or smell would ambush her, or she'd hear a song, see something that evoked a buried memory, and it would hit her all over again just how much she missed them. How much she wanted them back and how much she hated that she'd never see them again. It wasn't fair. Other people got to keep their parents most of their lives. But not her. Until last night, she'd never even met her biological father.
And as bad as that was, she couldn't imagine the pain of not having them at all. It made her wonder what was worse. Not knowing what you were missing or knowing exactly how it felt to be loved and cared for and then having it ripped brutally away from you.
She covered her eyes with her hand and groaned at what a basket case she must look like to poor Ren. "I am so sorry, sweetie. It's just been a horrendous last few days. I'm tired. I'm scared, and I lost a really good friend right before all of this happened."
Ren didn't respond. He just kept rocking her.
Frowning, she wiped at her eyes and looked up at him. "Are you all right?"
He nodded, then brushed away more of her tears.
"Then why aren't you speaking to me?"
Panic flashed across his features. He glanced away as if trying to think of a response.
"Ren? Talk to me."
His lips twitched before he finally spoke in a low tone. "I don't want to say the wrong thing again and make you cry more."
The pure innocent sweetness of that wrenched another sob from her.
"Ah, see now what I did. I'm sorry, Kateri. I won't say anything else. I promise."
She laid her head down on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's so not you, baby. You did nothing, absolutely nothing wrong." She squeezed him tight, wishing she could make him understand. "All you've been is wonderful...."
Ren knew she was speaking, but he couldn't make out the words. Not after she'd called him baby and sweetie. No one had ever used an endearment for him before. Until now, the closest anyone had come was to call him friend or brother.
But baby ...
He'd never been anyone's baby.
"Are you listening to me?"
You should probably say yes. That would be the smartest thing to do. But for some stupid reason the truth came out before he could stop it. "Um ... no."
"Why are you tuning me out?" she snapped as fury lit up her eyes.
Ren moved his jaw, trying to explain, but no words would leave his lips as he stammered over the word I. Why do I always do this shit when I least want to look like an idiot?
He expected her to be angry. Instead, she kissed him senseless. Every part of him went into overdrive as his cock hardened.