He arched a brow at that. Since he'd never spent the night with another person, he'd had no idea of it. Please tell me I didn't stutter there, too. That was all he needed.
"So who's Windseer?"
Oh wait ... it just got worse. But at least that question finally succeeded in icing his hormones. It slapped him down faster than an arctic bath. How horrifying to talk about that bitch in his sleep to the Ixkib.
I'd rather stutter....
"She's no one."
Kateri gave him a doubting stare. "It didn't sound like no one. You called out to her like you wanted her badly. Is she an old girlfriend?"
Great. What the hell was wrong with his subconscious? Why would any part of him want Windseer for anything except to slaughter the bitch where she stood?
Your unconscious is even dumber than you are. And that was an accomplishment, given his average daily stupidity.
Grinding his teeth in anger at himself, Ren curled his lip. "She's nothing to me. I don't want to think about her."
Kateri sucked her breath in at the hatred in his tone. Obviously, Windseer had hurt him.
Badly.
She detested the fact that she'd inadvertently kicked him by mentioning the woman's name. "Sorry. Duly noted and now permanently removed from my vocabulary." As was anything that had "wind" attached to it and that included her own middle name, Wynd. No need in making him this upset ever again. She'd had her inherent share of bad relationships she didn't want to revisit. So she fully understood his need not to go to the past. It was an ugly place sometimes.
And people could be total jerks when they wanted to.
She started to move away, but he caught her in an iron grasp that startled her even more than his tone had. To her shock, he kept her by his side.
His gaze searched hers as if he sought something he'd lost. "Why are you on top of me?"
Heat scalded her cheeks as she realized just how intimate they were in this position. "You were comfy. The floor wasn't.... And I was cold so I figured you were too." She bit her lip as that heat lit her entire body up and she realized that her excuse wasn't really viable. "I was trying to conserve body heat for both of us."
Yeah, it sounded phony to her too.
His breathing ragged, he brushed his hands through her tangled hair. The desire in his eyes set her own heart to pounding. Gracious, he was hot and unsettling. Or rather her body's reaction to him was unsettling. She never responded to a man like this.
But there was something about him that was irresistible. Something that called out to her against all sanity and rationale. Right now, all she wanted to do was nip that chin and explore every inch of his hard body.
"What have you done to me?" he breathed.
She frowned at his agonized tone. "Nothing."
He shook his head. "I've never had trouble as an immortal remaining celibate. But all I can think about is being inside you."
She should be offended by that. Instead, those words made her heart race even faster. It was nice to know she wasn't the only one having issues with their close proximity. It would really stink if she was.
And those words made her twice as curious. "You've been celibate? How long?"
"Eleven thousand years."
Kateri choked on his answer. Holy ...
Was he serious?
She'd expected him to say a few months ... tops. Given the way he looked and the way he moved, she wouldn't have been surprised had he said a few hours.
But centuries? Really? Thousands upon thousands of years?
No ...
Who could do that? How could he do that in that body? As gorgeous as he was, women had to be throwing themselves all over him. All the time. What did he do? Beat them off with a whip?
Her look turned chiding. "Well, honey, that's probably your problem. Been a little long between uh ... well ... you know-and I know you do. I admire your fortitude. I do. A lot. Not many people could do what you've done, and it explains a lot about why you're not a happier person."
He snorted at her attempted humor. "Don't be impressed. The last time I slept with a woman, I damn near destroyed the world because of it. When you do something that record-breakingly stupid, it tends to stay with you awhile."
Yeah, but thousands and thousands of years?
That, right there, told her exactly who and what Windseer was to him. She must have been the one who had led him astray and burned him to a level so foul that he had never gotten over it. "Out of curiosity, why would you have tried to destroy the world?"
"Ever attempted to hunt down a parking space at Christmas? Buy a shirt in a store the day after Thanksgiving? Those two things alone will make you doubt the humanity of humans, and question if survival of the species is in anyone's best interest. What are we fighting for, anyway? Better department store sales?"
He did have a point.
Still ...
Ren hesitated before he continued with his sarcasm. A part of him wanted to lie to her, and keep the topic light. Not because he didn't trust her, but because he didn't want to face the truth himself. The why was what burned the worst in his memory and heart. What cut him the deepest.
If there had ever been a Dumbass of the Day Award, he'd be in the Hall of Fame for it.
But before he could catch his tongue, it betrayed him. "Honestly? I did it to prove to her that I was a man and not a spineless piece of shit."
"Did it work?"
He shrugged. "I never saw her again, so I guess in her eyes it was futile. But I got my point across to all the others who thought I was weak. Nothing like a good ass-kicking to put fear into others." But that wasn't the same as respect. He'd gone from being a pathetic milksop to a homicidal psycho, and learned that the only things that changed were the names they called him and the tone and volume level they used when they did so.
Neither position was desirable or enviable. Both left you isolated, lost, alone, and insecure. No one to trust.
No one who gave a shit about you. The only real difference was that when they thought you weak they didn't try to kill you when your back was turned.
Sighing, he released her, then rolled over and rose to his feet. She got up and dusted herself off.
When he started to walk away from her, she put her hand on his arm to stop him.
"For the record? You're not a pathetic wretch, Ren, and you don't have to end the world to prove it."
He snorted at her naivete, but a part of him he didn't want to acknowledge took flight over her kindness-even if it was feigned. "I have the blood of three competing pantheons, two of which are born warring, flowing through my veins. Since the hour of my birth, I've been at war with myself. You want to know why I stutter?"