10
Ian
The rimsof my eyes are on fire, and there’s a dull headache between my temples that Tylenol hasn’t done shit for. I didn’t sleep but not for lack of trying. Who’d be able to? Thirty minutes in bed only made me sit still long enough to hear my own thoughts shouting at me, and none of them eased my mind. All they did was make me more restless than I’ve been in a while.
So I head outside for what’s usually the only cure for my restlessness. But so far, even the Chicago’s nighttime air doesn't even help like it usually does when I can’t sleep; I walk until I’m tired of walking, then I turn back. This time I only stop because I realize how far I am. I’m at least 5 miles from home, and I’m not any less tired.
By the time I finally get home, the sun is already in the sky. I can’t help but think of the days when I’d find Alana on the little terrace watching as the city came alive again. How every time she turned around and gave me that sexy, know it all smile, I’d fall in love with her all over again. I’ve never met anyone who’s had the power to make me this overwhelmed in any of my emotions before. When it comes to her, everything I feel is amplified, my love, anger, sadness, excitement, fear, and my worry; she makes me feel everything on a different level.
That’s why breathing was so fucking hard when she left me.
And that’s why this nauseating feeling in my gut telling me she didn’t run on her own is so strong.
I’ve tried to convince myself that maybe she did get talked into hiding again, that perhaps she had a change of heart and decided to skip town with Kam to get away from this paternity test shit. Blue did say Megan’s wishy-washy, and he has known her for longer than I have. He knows how she operates a lot better than I do. I thought that maybe, just maybe, she powered through her guilt and went back on her words to me. But that idea doesn’t survive long. I know Kameron took her. I feel it in my gut. At this point, I’m waiting on a call from Cal just so he can tell me what I already know; they aren’t at that fucking resort or anywhere near it. Whatever people he has scrubbing the place haven’t found them yet. Who knows, maybe they’re searching all of Hawaii. But after I find out what I already know, then what. What’s the next step to finding them from here? He already said none of their accounts have been touched, so they can’t track a money trail. It’s like they just fell off the grid.
If they aren’t at the resort, then where the hell else could they be? They could be anywhere in the world by now. Cal and Dexter Jr. are rich as fuck and have money out the ass, but they can’t scour the entire globe looking for her.
Which means we’re going to have to sit back and wait until Richie Rich decides to come back, and who knows when that will be. The thought that it might be never crosses my mind, and my fist flies out to connect with the shower wall. The pain brings me out of my head and back to the steam floating around me and the hot water beating against my skin.
The one thing that gives me solace is that if Alana comes out, she won’t be gone that long. She’s going to drive him insane. I know my girl, and if hehasdecided to say fuck it and keep her holed up somewhere with him, then she’s going to make trouble, and it won’t be pretty.
Given what I know about Megan’s condition and about how her alters operate, it puts me at ease only a little that if shit does go south and Megan isn’t happy, then Alana will more than likely be there. But it makes my blood boil thinking about her having to get out of something like that.
I know she can; she’s more than capable of figuring a way out of whatever situation Kam might have created. But I don’t want her tohaveto get herself out of that. She shouldn’t have to. And the next time I see Kam, if this all turns out as bad as I’m thinking it is, I’m kicking his fucking ass for putting her through this.
My knuckles throb but the pain shooting up my arm is nothing compared to the iron fist wrapped around my chest. It’s had a hold on me since Alana left, and since Megan came back into my life, it's been slowly tightening. I don’t know how much longer I can take it. Being without her since she’s been back, knowing she’s in love with Kam and wants nothing to do with me, has been the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with since Alana left. The love of my life is right in front of me, but I can’t do shit to get a hold of her. She has to know how I feel, and I know she feels it too. She never would have kissed me like she did all those months ago if she didn’t feelsomething.I know I can get her to love me. The one I might have the most trouble with is Veronica, being the ice queen that she is.
When Megan gets back, I’m going to tell her. I have to. I can’t sit around, hoping she’ll realize that we’re supposed to be together. I never wanted to make her feel like shehadto choose. I wanted her to just naturally come to me. But I had to make Alana realize we’re meant to be together. I have to do the same with Megan. She knows how I feel about Alana, but she has to understand that means I feel the same way about her. I want each part of her, and she needs to know that.Ineed her to know that.
I turn off the shower, but I don’t move to dry off or get out. I have to figure out what the hell I’m going to do when I’m done getting dressed. I can’t sit around here all day again, but I can’t concentrate on snapping pictures right now. I have no idea how I’m going to occupy my mind.
My ringer echoes off the bathroom wall, startling the shit out of me, and I throw the shower curtain back to get out, still dripping wet, to grab my phone off the counter. Cal’s name is on the screen, and I immediately answer.
“Yeah?” I say into the phone, sounding as anxious as I feel.
He’s silent for a second before he says, “I wasn’t sure you’d be up yet.”
“I never went to sleep,” I tell him, my heart racing. “What’s the word? Any news?”
“Yes, actually,” he tells me with a sigh, and my body goes on high alert as tension rings loud in his exhale. “Dexter’s men didn’t find them at the resort.” I shut my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose as he continues. “His guys got resort management to give them information, and it turns out they didn’t check-in for their reservation. And the extended stay didn’t mean anything either. They weren’t ever there, and after contacting the airline, we found out that they never even got on that plane.”
Cal’s voice is the only thing tethering me to this world right now as my rage and worry start to consume me. The only thing that stops me from flying off the handle is examining how different Cal sounds. The cadence of his voice is more even, calmer, lacking the bite and agitation it usually holds. He must be trying to keep cool, so he doesn’t lose it too. He doesn’t sound like he’s struggling too badly. “It was a decoy location,” Cal continues. “They could be anywhere right now. But we’re not going to stop looking. They’re bound to leave some kind of a hint somewhere. For now, we’re going to see if we can come across airport footage. Since he went through the trouble of booking a fake trip, I can only assume the airline they actually flew with isn’t the same one that was going to Hawaii.”
“When are you going to start looking at the footage?” I ask him through clenched teeth.
“Just as soon as we get the legal documents required to do so,” he tells me. “We’re getting them together now.”
How much footage and how many airports are they going to have to go through until they find something? How long am I going to be waiting to hear that they boarded a plane to the Caribbean or Greece?
How much longer am I going to be sitting here, unable to do anything to help find her? Not being able to do anything helpful is what’s making the entire thing difficult to watch from the sidelines.
“Is there anything I can do?” I ask through clenched teeth. “I want to help look for her.”
“We have it covered,” he says. “I’ll let you know once I get more information.”
“Yep.”
Before he hangs up, I hear Lauren in the background, talking to him.