3
Ian
My phone is sittingon the table in front of me, and my focus hasn’t left it at all, even though I know I’m not getting a call anytime soon. My mind is racing, and I can’t stop my knees from bouncing. I would go outside, but I don’t feel stable enough to be around people right now- the smallest thing will set me the fuck off, and people can be assholes.
It’s been a few hours since Megan never showed up to the appointment, six to be exact, but it feels a hell of a lot longer than that. Each minute that I haven’t received word of where she is, feels like an hour with each one that passes. I’m so fucking anxious I can’t sit still. I’ve been counting the seconds, torturing myself as I toss around possible ideas as to what could have happened to make her miss the appointment, and only about half of them don’t piss me off.
There’s a chance she got too nervous about finding out the results. I can understand getting cold feet; I sure as hell know she didn’t want me to be the father- she’s been adamant that it’s Kam’s.
But she promised me she’d be fair and that she wouldn’t do exactly what’s happening. Getting the test out of the way earlier would stop me from holding on any longer than I need to, which would get me out of her and Kam’s perfect fucking life.
The odds of him being the father are greater, as much as I hate to admit it, but the small chance that it’s me, I need to know.
Everything is resting on this.
This feels nauseatingly different from the first time she disappeared. I’m dismissing the idea that she ran because she doesn’t want it to be my kid. After all, we’ve moved past that. Everything Megan had said in the therapy session told me so. We had an understanding that this complicated predicament would be handled more openly with honesty moving forward. It was the first time in a while I actually felt like she wasn’ttryingto push me away. We were finally getting somewhere.
What the fuck happened? What changed?
Another thought that has my guts fucked up since the moment I realized she wasn’t going to show. What if she didn’t run? What if she’s lost somewhere? Maybe she was so stressed out about this whole thing that Alana or Veronica came out, only for Megan to come back, lost and without a way to contact anyone. That can’t be right. My girl’s smart, resourceful, and from what I’ve learned about Veronica, she just would have called Blue at least. It could even be worse than her just being lost, though. What if she’s hurt and needs help? The thought of them lying on the ground bleeding out makes me push my hands through my already distressed hair.
I need Cal to hurry the fuck up and call me back, so I stop imagining all this crazy shit. Her running off with Kameron is better than everything I’ve been imagining.
But above all else, there’s one thought that keeps pushing its way to the front.
This time feels different than last time.
She didn’t leave any word, and that one simple detail is what’s digging at my nerves and rattles around in my head like a penny in a tin can. That’s the one thing I’ve found that’s constant with the two of them. Alana left me a note before she blew my world up by ditching me. Megan made me trek my ass to Blue’s ex’s apartment just so I could pick up a fucking letter telling me she’s running away with Kam and my ‘maybe’ baby. She just wouldn’tnotshow up, not after how guilty she said she felt after the first time she left. She was too real in that therapy session. Watching her rub her belly and stare at it lovingly as she guaranteed openness made me confident she meant what she was saying; I felt her sincerity. She knew what she’d done was selfish, and I believed her when she said she wasn’t going to run again.
Something had to have happened, and the idea of her out there somewhere, maybe hurt or in danger, has my stomach rolling. The fact that I can’t do anything but wait on Cal to call, makes this much more difficult to simply sit through. I’m used to doing and taking action, but now, I just have to sit on my fucking hands or twiddle my thumbs until I get word from the people handling this shit. They’re more than capable of finding her, and with the money they have, they could tear the world apart to find her. I just hate feeling useless. I need to be doingsomethingto help find her, other than sitting here trying to keep from flying off the handle as I wait for Cal to call. In the entire time I’ve known Cal, this is the first time I’ve ever been eager to hear from him.
The door to my apartment opens, and Blue comes in. I need to change my fucking locks. My annoyance soars as he comes in with a bag of burgers hanging from his hand. I’m not in the mood for company right now. The only person I want to hear from is one of the girls, and if it isn’t them, then Cal.
“I picked up food,” he announces as if the bag with the burger on it and the smell of french fry grease hasn’t already alerted me to that.
“Go home, Blue,” I order him as he shuts the door.
“Home is where family is,” he quips, sitting in the armchair to my right. “You need this. You haven’t eaten shit today.”
“I’m not in much of a mood for food or talking,” I grunt out, trying with everything in me not to get more annoyed. “Or company.”
“Well, you need to eat something,” he says, ignoring the last part as he takes a burger with what smells like bacon on it out of the bag that he tosses my way. I make no moves to grab it, but it lands in my lap.
“Not eating isn’t going to make her text you, bro. Neither is sitting there watching the phone like a mad man.”
He unwraps his burger and tears into it, his eyes still on me, although I haven’t said anything.
“Come on, man,” he says, reaching over to take the burger back. He unwraps it and holds it back out to me. “Eat something. Just a little.”
Irritated, I snatch the burger from him, but I set it on the other side of the table so he can’t get to it again.
“If you keep trying to make me eat, I’m gonna throw your ass out,” I growl at him. “I’m not trying to put anything in my stomach right now.” Then I look over at him, needing confirmation that I’m not overreacting. He’s not going to shut up, so I may as well talk to him about the one thought that keeps taking over. “What do you think of Megan’s phone being off but not Kam’s?”
Blue’s chewing slows as he looks back at me, and I can see him contemplating my question before he shrugs.
“I don’t know, man,” he says, looking down at his burger. “It’s probably nothing though, right? Like I said, she probably just forgot to pay her bill. I don’t think it’s as bad as what you’re making it out to be.”
I shake my head because I’ve already crossed that possibility out.