“Come to the big house,” she says, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips.
“Or else what?”
“Or else you’ll be a miserable little prick for the rest of your life and I’m not having it. Everyone’s ready to give up on you, did you know that? Drink the water, rinse off, get dressed, and come over.”
I glare at her. “Are you the Don now?”
“I’ll get Casso if that’s what you need, but I doubt you’ll like it.”
“Is this some kind of intervention or some shit? Fynn tried earlier. I told him to fuck off.”
“Fynn’s worried. I’m worried. Hell, we’re all worried. Get off your ass and come to the big house. Or else you might as well just jump off a cliff and get it over with instead of killing yourself slowly. Your nieces and nephews are terrified for you. They think you’re a miserable bastard, and they’re not wrong. Get it together for your family, you asshole.” She storms off and I watch her go, blinking in surprise.
Holy shit.
Karah never talks to me like that. She can be tough sometimes, but that was a little too far. I mean, damn, telling me to kill myself?
I climb to my feet and get another glass of water. I chug it down and start to feel a little better. Karah’s words mingle with Fynn’s words and I’m thinking about Jeanie as I head upstairs, shower, dress, and make my way to the big house.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I drag myself through the mud?
I’m a failure, that’s true, I can’t make anyone stick around long enough to really love me. I’ll be alone in that pathetic house, hiding away from my family until I’m an old man. Until my days are numbered.
What’s the point?
“Uncle Gavino!” Emilio’s standing on the back porch with his younger brother, Julian, and Casso’s oldest boy, Dom. They wave to me and I wave back, flinching already at the prospect of facing them right now, but to hell with it. They’re good kids. They don’t know a thing about the world yet, but they will.
“Boys,” I say, nodding to them. “The hell are you doing out here?”
“Dom said he saw a coyote,” Julian says, sounding excited. “I wanted to find it.”
“I’m here to make sure they don’t get themselves eaten,” Emilio says, grinning. He raises a .22 rifle and leans it on his shoulder. “Someone’s got to look out for these idiots.”
I laugh and shake my head. The thought of these three chasing after a coyote with a single .22 between them is comical, but hell, they’re kids. They don’t know a damn thing.
“Do your parents know about this?”
“Absolutely not,” Emilio says and glances over his shoulder. “You’re not going to tell them, are you?”
“We’ll be all right, don’t worry, Uncle Gavino,” Dom says, running a hand through his hair. “Not like we’ll really find it.”
“It’s right over there, I swear,” Julian says, pointing.
“Go hunt us some dinner,” I say and the boys all laugh as they scurry off into the yard.
I go inside. They’ll be fine. There’s no way that coyote will let them catch it, and hopefully Emilio is a good shot if they do.
Karah finds me first and steers me to the living room. Everyone’s there: Casso, Fynn, Nico, Mirella, Olivia, and Elise, plus the nieces and nephews are coming and going, playing with each other, complaining and bickering. Fynn gives me a drink, (“Go easy, please.”) and Casso draws me into a conversation about football.
For an hour, I feel normal. Hungover, but normal. My thoughts keep drifting to Jeanie, but whenever I find myself fantasizing about finding her and kissing her or maybe strangling her until she turns blue, I gently nudge them away or focus in on the room I’m standing in and the people I’m with. She’s there, swirling, and the darkness is there, swirling, but maybe I can keep it at bay.
I have a second drink, then a third, and a fourth.
When the family moves into the dining room for dinner, I stay behind. Nobody seems to notice as I remain seated in the corner, staring at my glass until the room empties and I’m left with only Emilio, freshly returned from his hunt, empty-handed. He’s sitting nearby, watching me with smart, sharp eyes. I gaze back and sigh, getting to my feet.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” he asks.