I smiled. That was exactly what she was like. “Yeah, she told me the same thing. I told her to keep hold of it for me.” I’d never felt ready. Any reminder of my parents, especially physical ones, set off more flashbacks and nightmares.
I convinced Noah to have some cake, and we chatted for a while longer. It was nice to see him, but after he left, I felt even more unsteady. I tried to get it back under control, to carry on as usual, but when I went to the grocery store later that day and, for a split second, thought I saw Macy in the produce aisle, I knew things were taking a turn for the worse.
When I returned to the café, I called Katelyn, my therapist, and made an appointment. I hadn’t seen her in a long time, and if I were honest, it was something I should have done right after I lost my aunt. But I’d had Manic. He’d been my distraction. He’d unknowingly helped me bury my head in the sand. I’d used him as a Band-Aid, but I wasn’t sure even he could cover that wound anymore.
Gerald went home, and I finished closing the café.
The jewelry box sat on the counter. My heart raced just looking at it, and when I reached for it, my hand shook. Snatching it up, I rushed through to my apartment and shoved it in the back of my closet. I couldn’t look at it, let alone what was inside.
I tried to busy myself, cleaning the living room, then the bathroom. I scrubbed the kitchen that was already clean and sorted the recycling, but there was no stopping it. I could feel myself cracking, unraveling. Gripping the edge of the counter, I made myself breathe slowly, using the techniques Katelyn had taught me when I’d first gone to her as a kid. My pulse slowed a little, the out-of-control feeling lessening.
I was okay. Everything was okay.
I rubbed my hands against the front of my jeans and grabbed the trash, then walked out the door and tossed it in the bin. Someone blasted their horn out on the street. I jumped as two cars flew by. A couple of young guys being idiots. A siren wailed instantly, then again, but louder as a police car flew by chasing them—
The sound of that siren echoed through my mind, the past and the present morphing, twisting together. I grabbed the wall.
No.
Stumbling, I rushed back inside, trying to breathe, to calm down.
But it was too late.
I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. I didn’t want Manic to see me like this. I never wanted him to see me like this.