2

ADDIE

Lila sipped her drink,eyeing me over the rim of her glass, then scowled. “Have you seen Manic?”

I sighed and sat back in my chair. “Nope.” There’d been no hiding my humiliation. Grifter and Dane had gone home and told their wives about my little performance a week ago, so I hadn’t even had the luxury of pretending it didn’t happen.

Lila scowled. She was still pissed off on my behalf. My girl was a romantic, and no matter how many times I told her my heart wasn’t broken, I knew she didn’t believe me. Riff had also filled her in on the chick on Manic’s lap. And they say women are gossips.

My friends knew I’d slept with Manic, they’d seen us leave together that night, but they didn’t know the reason I’d gone to his house a week ago armed with brownies. And I didn’t plan on sharing. “It’s fine. We’re just friends.” That word again. I inwardly winced. I avoided getting close to people or making friends for a long time. But since moving to Rocktown, I hadn’t been as successful as I had in the past. “Ly, honestly, he can do what he wants. I overbaked, that’s all.”

Lila didn’t look convinced. “You were with him a month ago. Seems tacky and insensitive.”

“He had no idea I was showing up. And then I…I dropped my brownies all over the ground, and it was just embarrassing.” Then I’d gone home, showered, gone to bed, and woken thirty minutes later, shaking and coated in a cold sweat after another nightmare, which had quickly turned into another panic attack.

So, yes, it’d been a tough week. But not because Manic had some other girl on his lap. I mean, I’d only wanted him for his body and those magical sex moves of his, nothing more, right? Right.

If that’s the case, then why did you walk around all week like you lost something that had never actually been yours?

I winced. Because I’d allowed myself to indulge in all those stupid Manic-fueled fantasies after we’d slept together, and not only the sexy kind. The kind that were dangerous, that I’d never usually allow myself to have but did anyway because they’d helped me get through the loss of another person I loved.

In hindsight, going to Manic for what amounted to therapy in the form of orgasms had been a terrible idea. It was kind of fucked up, truth be told. I sure as hell couldn’t risk getting attached to any guy, especially not him. And thesefeelingsI was having because I could admit to myself I did feelsomething, were just about sex—toe-curling, soul-levitating, earth-shattering sex. That’s all. It’d been a long time since I’d been with anyone intimately, and this weird kind of possessive, clingy feeling I was having trouble shaking was just my brain sorting through all of that.

Anyway, the point was moot. Even if Manic was interested in more than sex, I was way too messed up for a relationship. It didn’t help that intimacy and closeness was a trigger for me. When things got serious, I tended to panic. So I avoided it altogether.

I’d resigned myself to being single forever a long time ago. But I guess Manic’s hot biker mojo had confused me for a minute.

“I wouldn’t blame you for being pissed off, Adds. You guys have this thing between you. We’ve all seen it. Like if you’re in the same room, you’re instantly drawn to each other.”

I forced a laugh. “Okay, maybe I was hoping for one more hookup,” I said, because Lila could obviously see right through me. “The guy knows what he’s doing. But honestly, I’m not interested in more than that, from anyone.”

Lila’s eyes filled with sympathy, but then she kind of looked relieved.

“Okay, what aren’t you telling me?” I knew when she was hiding something. The girl had the worst poker face.

She winced. “I didn’t say anything before because I didn’t want to upset you…”

“Whatever it is, you can tell me. It was just a one-night stand. I’m over it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yep.” Or at least I would be soon.

She leaned forward. “Manic did tell Riff that he was…um, done, when you rejected him, like, the twenty-seventh time.”

“He did?”Done.Done with me.Ouch.That hurt far more than it should.

She chewed her lip. “He was really into you, Adds. I’ve never seen him chase a woman like he did you. He’s never been interested in getting involved with anyone, then you and him…”

“He’s still not, believe me. And it’s better this way,” I said, ignoring the weird grip in my stomach. “I’m not looking for a relationship, you know that.”

She nodded slowly. “I get it, you’re an island. But you went to his house, Adds. You like him. I know you’re scared to get close to anyone, but—”

“I went there for a hookup, nothing more.” Manic had been an excellent distraction, a way to avoid my emotions, and I’d clung to it, to him, in my mind at least, and let myself sink into it. I’d stupidly let myself believe Manic was the only thing that could stop the ground from falling out from under me.

He wasn’t. And I’d be okay, I would. All I had to do was stay busy, focused on the café. And as much as I didn’t want to, maybe it was time to call Katelyn again. It’d been a couple years since I’d spoken with my therapist.

“If you’re sure,” she said, still not looking convinced.

Tags: Sherilee Gray Romance
Source: readsnovelonline.net