“Says the man who bought a country estate!” I indicate the world outside the glass doors leading to the huge gardens. No longer ‘city Jem’, he moved us onto a property surrounded by fields, into a converted farmhouse, and away from prying eyes.
Quinn begins to grumble. She’s calm for a baby according to Cerys, which amuses the hell out of our friends considering how they perceive us. But they don’t see how, most of the time, me and Jem operate on a calm and intuitive level. Our desire for stability in our new world sees conflict dealt with quickly, although occasionally, loudly. Quinn’s snuffling turns to whimpering and my hormones kick in. I hold my arms out to Jem and he reluctantly hands her over.
Jem bends his head and plants a kiss on her head. “You saved my life,” he whispers then looks to me. “Both of you.”
“No, we killed your old one,” I reply and sit down to feed Quinn.
“Yeah, I guess. Yesterday doesn’t matter.” He indicates my tattoo under my breasts, revealed as I position her.
“Because yesterday has gone.” I no longer regret choosing to etch the words from ‘my song’ onto my body. They are the truth and a connection to my brother, the part of yesterday who’ll never leave.
Jem curls up next to me as Quinn feeds, as if by touching my skin, he can be part of our bonded closeness. I rest my head on his shoulder.
“I love you, Ruby Tuesday.” Jem says this every day, a reminder that I don’t need because even when he refused to say the words, I knew the truth.
Jem says the words simply and with undisguised love in his eyes, not with a desperate need for me to reciprocate with the same words. But I always do.
“I love you, Jem Jones,” I whisper.
He touches Quinn’s head as she feeds. “My life is fucking perfect.” Then winces as I jab my finger into his side. “What?”
“We don’t swear anymore, remember?”
Jem bites his lip in amusement. “Sure, let’s see you try.”
I poke my tongue out and Jem laughs, capturing my mouth with his, leaving a soft kiss on my lips to reinforce his words. I shift, snuggle into him and he wraps his arms around my shoulder.
Jem spent a lifetime hiding and attempting to contain the depth of the emotions he holds inside. Although he refused to believe, Jem Jones has always been filled with love he wanted to give, but had no idea how to. If Jem didn’t feel so deeply about others, he wouldn’t need to cut away such an important part of who he is in order to protect himself. If he honestly didn’t give a crap about anything, why would Jem need to obliterate his world?
Jem took the love he tried to give, which was rejected as a child, and turned this back against himself into hate and inadequacy. Finally, Jem’s lost the self-hatred and shared the love he deserves to have returned.
Jem gave me the one thing he could never trust anybody with: access to the deepest parts of his heart where that love lives. He once told me the darkness could never hide me because I shine so brightly; that stars can never be lost in the night. In the same way, Jem needed to break apart because how else would the light shine through the cracks into his shadow world?
Look what came from our pain and confusion, from our coming together. Not only a new world together, but also a new life, a new person. I could never doubt the goodness in a man who poured himself into changing and becoming who he needs to be, for himself, for me, and for Quinn.
We’re still locked in our own world, but we’re no longer trapped. This is the place we’ve chosen to be together, and here is where we belong. Ruby Tuesday, Jem Jones, and Quinn live here in a new reality; one nobody gets to take away from us.
The End