44
Ruby
I sitin the lounge inside Jem’s quiet house watching TV as I attempt to distract myself from unease that something’s wrong between us.
Germany was three days ago and now the tension between me and Jem intensifies daily. The last three months evaporate, content replaced by tension. I haven’t questioned Jem about the texts and today he’s home late.
Something is wrong—this Jem is the guy I first met. The one who doesn’t sleep. The man who once let me sleep in his arms, now pulls away and turns his back as soon as he thinks I’m asleep. He’s withdrawing and I’m edged out.
Jem arrives a little after 8P.M., the dark rings around his eyes more pronounced. He gives me a gruff greeting and disappears, returns five minutes later, then hovers in the corner of the room, near the TV.
“Can I talk to you?” he asks.
“Sure.” I switch off the TV. “Are you okay? Has something happened?”
Jem pushes his curls from his face, and looks at me. “I’m just going to come straight out with this.”
“Okay.”
“You need to move out.”
He may as well have slapped me in the face, the shock and watering eyes come so readily. “Oh. Okay. Sure.”
“And I don’t think we should continue this…” He pauses. “This.”
Another slap. “Right.”
“Okay.” He tucks his hands beneath his arms. “Sorry.”
I’m not one of those girls—the ones who collapse in tears and beg to stay. Definitely not the sort to ask the guy to change his mind. This is inevitable because they all realise eventually: I’m not worth the hassle. “It’s late to go now. Can I stay until tomorrow?”
Jem rubs his cheek. He looks confused. I guess he expected a stronger reaction. Right, like I’m about to show him how I really feel.
“I’m not going to kick you onto the street!”
“No, but you’re kicking me in the heart.”
Emotion shows through at last, in the hidden distress in his eyes. What’s happening here?
“I thought I could do this, Ruby, but I can’t. I can’t give myself to you the way you want. This isn’t working.”
“Have you rehearsed these lines? How about ‘it’s not you, it’s me’? I’ve heard that’s a fucking good one.”
Here she comes, if he’s rejected one Ruby, he’ll get the other. I knew something threatened our relationship, but for Jem to take what we have and smash it to pieces without any discussion is beyond what I imagined h’d do.
“What’s happened, Jem? Talk to me.”
“I tried, but I can’t do this,” he continues.
“Define ‘this’. Monogamy?”
“What?”
“You’re fucking someone else.”
He glowers. “For fuck’s sake, Ruby, is this about Kristie again?”
“No. Marie,” I blurt.