“I’m not sure what I did wrong here, Jem.”
“Nothing.” He throws the controller onto the seat as a music channel appears.
“Okay, then. Bye.”
My foot has barely left the bottom stair in the hallway before Jem appears at the top of the stairs and calls my name. I turn back to him. “What?”
“I didn’t screw Kristie. I’m not going to. Not anymore.”
“Please stop trying to justify yourself. I said everything’s cool.”
“No, I want to tell you because if I did screw her, this would be over, right?”
I drop my bag. “Let me see. As a normal person, my lover fucking another person may not be what I want.”
Jem takes a step down. “So if I’m not fucking her, and you’re my lover, what’s the problem?”
“No problem.”
“Then why are you leaving?” He walks down the rest of the steps. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Probably time I left. Things are better now; Dan’s under a restraining order and hasn’t tried to contact me. He’s due in court soon, so I doubt he’ll make things worse for himself. I don’t need to hide here anymore.”
“You’re not hiding anymore, are you? You’re here because you want to be. I want you around. No more surprise visitors, I promise.”
I huff. “Jem, you are who you are. It’s all good.”
“No, it isn’t ‘all good’ if you’re leaving. Isaid, I don’t want you to go.”
“Why? Why do you want me around?”
Jem looks past me, the way he always does if I touch on things he doesn’t want to talk about.Fine.I bend to pick up my bag and Jem snaps his attention back to me.
“Because everything’s better with you here. I’m used to you around me now.” He closes his hand over mine. “In my space, in my bed. Everything.”
“Used to me? That’s not the most romantic…”Oh, crap.
Jem’s eyes widen. “Romantic? You want romance?”
“No, I don’t believe in romantic love. You know that.”
“Hearts and flowers and teddy bears on cards are bullshit. Stomach churning, breathlessness, and aching are closer to the truth,” he says.
“Pain?”
“Yeah, love is painful.”
“Then you’re doing it wrong,” I throw back.
He presses his lips together. “I don’t do it at all. I don’t love.”
“No, of course. And neither do I.”
Touching on a subject we’ve never discussed is weird enough but the tension in the air between us is stranger. In the small space, there’s barely room for the two of us to stand and not touch, and I’m scared if I try to leave, he’ll stop me. My legs wouldn’t work anyway, my stupid self is still waiting for him to hold me in his arms and profess the love he’s denying.
Jem takes my face in both hands and searches my eyes, the way he does when I’m sure he’s trying to read my mind. “So why do I want you as much as I do?”
“I don’t know.”