“I won’t! Back off!” she interrupts.
“No, I won’t!”
“Are you threatening me? Because that makes you as bad as him!”
I drag my fingers into my hair. I want to take Ruby by the shoulders and shake away her stupidity. “No. I care about you.”
Shit.
Ruby crosses her arms tightly. “Don’t go there again.”
Screw it. I might as well admit it now it’s slipped out. “It’s true. I care about you a lot.”
“Well, don’t!”
We face off, battle lines drawn again. We’re closer than I realised; I’m in Ruby’s personal space and she hasn’t backed off. The look in her eyes isn’t fear or anger, but something I recognise as easily. Confused desire. Ruby parts her lips as she looks at mine.
“Fuck, Ruby. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t do this.”
“What?”
I close the remaining space between us, but she doesn’t move. “Games. Dancing around. Holding myself back because I’m scared of hurting you. I’m not interested in your URST crap, I just want to fucking kiss you.”
Ruby’s breath hitches slightly and she glances at my mouth. Before she can respond, I take her face in both hands and crash my mouth onto hers. I need to feel her lips, see how she reacts, and if she pushes me away, fine. At least I’ll snatch one kiss from the girl who has me wrapped around her finger without realising. Ruby pulls my hands from her face and her mouth away but doesn’t move, keeping her fingers wrapped around mine. Her breath comes in short, hot bursts against my cheek and at each point our bodies touch, my senses shut down against anything but her.
“I missed you,” I whisper, lips moving against her cheek.
“Don’t, Jem,” she says hoarsely. “Don’t play with me.”
“I’m not.” I move my head back and take her face again; she continues to grip my hands. Wide eyes look back, but her shared want is unmistakable. I skim my lips against hers and wait for the reaction, fighting against the need bubbling to the surface, the one pushing out weeks of self-control. “Ruby.”
“Fuck it.” I want to laugh at her words as she winds her fingers into my hair and presses her lips against mine. I shift, encircling her waist, holding her to me.
Parting her lips with my tongue, I claim her mouth, the mouth I’ve tortured myself dreaming about, and the dreams that keep away the nightmares. The depth of her kiss drags away the last worry that she doesn’t want this. Ruby’s fingers trail to the nape of my neck, holding my head against hers.
The lust floods to my hardening dick and she stumbles backward as I push her against the door. Ruby drags her mouth away with a gasp so I lay kisses along her neck. I’m desperate to touch her but I’m limiting myself, listening to the tiny piece of rationality surviving the hunger I have for this woman. If I slide a hand up Ruby’s naked leg, I’m pretty damn sure I’d get a slap and this would be over.
“Jem. Stop,” she breathes, although her body is telling me a different story, arching toward me as I nip at her soft skin. I want her so fucking much, kissing her isn’t enough.
Ruby’s puts her arms between our chests and shoves me. “Stop!”
I drop my arms and step back. Her pink face reflects my confusion.
The line crossed, reality hangs between us. With that kiss, she jolted the emotions I’ve pushed and pushed until they were buried in the corner of my mind, but without drugs, denying to myself how I feel isn’t as easy. Ruby’s kiss ripped the hidden corner open and my deepest thoughts and fears flood out, along with the weeks of desire for her pouring into my body. Not physical desire, that’s clear and always was; but an ache to have Ruby in my life. Take care of her. Be who she wants me to be. Who she needs me to be.
Like Liv.
Shit.
I take another step back, pulling away from the fusion happening. “Shit. Sorry. I have to go. Sorry, I can’t do this.”
“What the hell?” she whispers.
I rub my palms across my face. Yeah, what the hell am I doing? “I shouldn’t have. Shit, Ruby. I’m sorry.”
Ruby’s flushed face now pales and I pray there’s no tears. “You bastard. I knew you were screwing around with me!”
“It was only a kiss.”
Ruby parts her mouth to say something; but instead she turns away, tearing at my heart. Yeah, my heart, the muscle that pumps blood suddenly hurts. No, thus wasn’t just a kiss. It was a unity. The raw connection I saw and denied the first time we met led to this moment and melded our lives.
And I’m not going there.
I hover for a moment, but Ruby doesn’t turn back to me, instead standing with her arms wrapped around herself. I won’t be able to give Ruby what she wants because I’m not able to give myself to anyone. Ruby deserves someone to love and cherish her, not a fucked-up ex-addict who can’t look at her without seeing the girl who died because of him.
When the silence remains, I walk away. What point are words?