“Yeah. Twice last week and this is the second time this week.”
I tuck my trembling hands beneath my arms. “I didn’t know… Weren’t you working?” My meek voice betrays the fear I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of causing.
“It’s that blonde fucker isn’t it?” he growls. “You’re screwing him.”
As he moves toward me, I edge back, glancing at the open door and running through my options. Where are my shoes? Car keys? “No! Rehearsals. I promise!”
Dan kicks the bedroom door shut and seizes my arms, slamming me against the wood. “You dirty whore. Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
I wince at the force and at the fingers digging into the bruises I examined ten minutes ago. “I promise this is only rehearsals. You said you didn’t want me with the band so I didn’t want to tell you. I’m sorry. I should’ve.”
Dan snorts and holds his face close to mine, his hot breath fast against my ear. “Do you expect me to believe that? You’d rather risk me finding out and have me think you’re fucking someone else?”
The smell of beer explains where he went after he came home and discovered I wasn’t here. “No! I promise!”
Pain sears my cheek as Dan backhands my face. “Is that why you were showering? Trying to clean away your behaviour?” He seizes my throat with both hands. “I hope he was worth it.”
I’m violently pulled forward by the neck, pushed, falling on the floor. My hand slaps on the bare tiles as I try to break the fall, t-shirt riding up, exposing my belly. “Why would he want you? Look at you! You’re nothing like a real woman. You’ve got no tits or ass—why anyone else would want to fuck you, I don’t know.” He kneels and grabs a fist full of my hair, yanking until my eyes water. “No wonder I need to go elsewhere.”
“What?” I dig my fingers into his hand, attempting to disentangle them.
“I fuck other women, Ruby, because you’re no good.” His voice is soft, teasing, and a tear threatens to leak from my watering eyes.Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t argue.
“No, you don’t. Tell me you don’t.”
“You fucking hypocrite!”
The strength of his next slap sends me reeling back, head hitting the polished tiles, the pain jarring my teeth. I close my eyes and cover my head, curling into the stars. This is my place, where I can go and nobody can hurt me. If I focus on the stars, I won’t feel anything until he stops.
His words fall around me, as the pain of his assault continues. Words I can barely hear through my ringing ears are pounded into me, reinforcing his programming that I’m worthless without him.
But I can’t reach the stars this time, my mind won’t let go. This is different. He’s harsher and he’s never accused me of having sex with another guy before.
And he screwed other women.
“What do you think about that?” I catch the end of his rant and blink away tears, head pounding.
I can’t find any words.Please. Stars. Come soon.A pain rips through my chest and my first thought is ‘don’t hurt me enough to need the doctor’. He’s broken ribs before, but this time he didn’t kick hard enough. The pain is still sickening, worsened by him yanking me to my feet and smacking me back against the wall. My head hits the plaster.Stars. Finally. I attempt to slump to the floor but he holds me in place by the chest with one broad hand.
Through the dizzying dark of pain, the jangle of his belt buckle crashes me back to reality.
His zip.
No.
“I fuck you, Ruby. Nobody else.”
“Dan!” I struggle against him and he shifts his hand back to my neck, pressing his bulk against me. “Don’t do this! This is what you stopped from happening! This is what you protected me from!”
“And look at how you rewarded me. By screwing another guy.”
“I didn’t. I promise!”No tears. No tears.
The scrape of his fingernails across my hips and the fingers yanking at my panties pulls me further from the stars. This would break me. This would be the end of Ruby; I have to fight for her.
“No!”
Struggling with his grip, I twist from side to side and he battles to hold me still. I won’t be her, I refuse to be the girl he claimed he saved me from becoming. I slam my head against his mouth, the impact on my forehead barely felt through the numbness.