He studies me, and I keep my eyes on him like he’s about to go for my throat now that he knows I’m done.
Except. He doesn’t.
He reaches out and wraps one solid around my shoulders and tugs me against his side. At first, I hesitate, but like last night, his grip is like iron, and I can’t do anything to dislodge him. “It’s not weak to cry. If it’s something you need to do, then do it.”
I swipe angrily as more tears fall. “Well, I don’t need an audience for it. You’ve seen I’m fine. Now you can leave.”
He tugs me tighter into him until I’m forced to melt myself against him or risk pulling my neck at the very least. My shoulders, too, at the most.
Since fighting seems to be useless, I let him hold me. It’s awkward, especially as the memory of last night filters back and how very solid he felt against me. And he does now too. Like a boulder which can never be moved.
I sag into his chest and let the tears fall. It’s too much now to hold them back. If he mocks me for it later, so be it. It’ll give us something else to argue about.
After the tears stop and I can finally stop sobbing, I notice his fingers entwined in the hair at the nape of my neck, his other hand around my back holding me against him. I’m partially in his lap, partially on the bed, and he doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about it.
But I sure as hell am. It’s not taking comfort from him specifically, something I can’t think about too hard, but the act of taking comfort in another person at all.
I gently ease away from him, and this time he lets me go. “Why would you do this? Hold me? You hate me.”
His eyes are dark as he studies me, waiting for something…but I’m not sure what. “I never said I hate you.”
“Well, you don’t have to say it. Every time you call me princess, I can hear it in your tone. You don’t know me, but you hate me. Why?”
“Again, I never said I hate you. There are parts of you I don’t understand, that I don’t like, but as a whole, I don’t hate you.”
I swallow, my throat suddenly thick. “You should go. I’m fine now.”
“Are you sure? It’s not weak to cry nor to take comfort in someone else. If it’s something you need, then it’s something you need.”
I shake my head and turn away so he can’t see the emotions chasing across my face. “A long time ago, I let myself believe I could have it all. Love, my people, everything. And fate showed me I was wrong. I can have power, or I can have love.”
“So you chose power?”
I stay silent since we both already know the answer. “That sounds like a very lonely way to live your life.”
This time, I face him, since I want to peel apart what he’s thinking right now. “I’m not lonely. I have my people. I have…sex.” I spare him the fact that I’ve had actual intercourse one time, and I didn’t even finish. As far as he needs to know, I’ve learned all I need to. “There are people in my life. I’m not lonely.”
His dark eyes stay locked on mine. “I don’t believe you. You’re a very good liar. The best I’ve met, in fact, besides myself. But you can’t sell that lie. You’re lonely. If it’s so bad, why are you fighting for it? Why go back to that council if all you have there is an empty throne and an empty bed?”
I stiffen, and by the way his face resettles into his usual mask of arrogance, I know mine has slipped into place as well. “My bed is rarely empty. But that’s absolutely no concern of yours. Thank you for the breakfast. Please let me know if you need me for anything else later.”
He narrows his eyes, stands, and buttons his jacket. “There you go. That’s the woman I don’t understand. You’d rather push me away than let me see your vulnerability.”
“Can you blame me when you’ve been a dick since we met?”
I want to know what he’ll say, to see inside his head a moment, but he doesn’t oblige. “Get some rest. It’ll be another late night.”
7
MICHAIL
She’s obviously been affected by what happened more than I thought. I don’t know why I was an idiot and thought she was fine. No, I do know why, because she acts like she’s fine and the world isn’t barreling toward a reckoning at any moment. She made me think she was fine, and because I didn’t want to think too much about it, I didn’t trust my gut.
Never again.
Everything in me is warring over her. To push her away and leave her alone like she says she wants or bring her in close, hold her tight, even as she fights against me.