"Absolutely."
And his rage was strong enough to feed them both. But even so, she didn't understand it. Her anger had always spiked quickly and then faded. More than that, her tears had always negated her anger. The second her tears started, any rage she had evaporated underneath them. "How did you learn to stop crying?"
His expression was harsh. "I nailed my heart shut and learned to stop caring about anyone except me. They can't make you cry when you don't give a shit about them or their opinions. You can only be hurt by the ones you love."
"And by the god of pain," she whispered. "He knows what weakens us. Look at what he's done to me."
"It's because he knows you and where to strike." Aidan shook his head. "He doesn't know anything about me. There's nothing he can use to hurt me anymore. I let it all go except my anger."
Which was why Aidan had been able to fight Dolor even though Aidan was only a mortal man.
But she didn't know how to hold on to anger. Every time she thought of her daughter or her husband, it brought her to her knees. They had been innocent of any crime except belonging to her and they had been coldly executed by Dolor and his ilk. It was why she was here.
No more innocents would die.
Ever.
No one deserved the pain she felt. No one. And she would die before she allowed Dolor to destroy another person this way. To take from them what they loved, and for what? Over one god's vindictiveness because someone else played a prank on him and he lacked any sense of humor? It was cruel and it was wrong.
"Teach me your anger, Aidan. Show me how to hold on to it no matter what."
He nodded grimly before he dropped his hands from her face. "Let go of your pain. If there's any kindness inside you, kill it. Now, remember the only person in this life that matters to you is you. No one else will ever care about you. No one. The only person who can protect you is you. Let everyone else go to hell. In fact, rush them to it."
She couldn't believe what he was telling her. It seemed easy, if she were mad enough, but how did he sustain it? "How do you manage to stay there?"
"Remember that whenever you were being kicked, there was no one standing beside you to soften the blow. No one there to help you lick those wounds or protect you."
But in her case, that hadn't been true. M'Adoc had stayed by her side, trying to protect her family. That was how he'd been captured and then tortured. He would have been able to escape and save himself. Instead, he'd chosen to come warn her and to stand with her when Dolor and his minions had attacked.
They'd almost killed him too.
"And if I wasn't alone?" she asked, her voice only a whisper.
"Then imagine them taking the one who stood with you. Imagine your defender's blood on your hands as they stab him through his heart."
It was enough to make her want to scream and it gave her the rage he spoke of.
Aidan was right. If he could, Dolor would kill M'Adoc in an instant.
"I don't know how to defeat Dolor," she confessed. "The best I could do last time we fought was to freeze him and make him the slave to a human's summons. I thought by doing so no one would be so stupid as to release him. Now that they have... I don't know how to return him to stasis until after he completes his task."
"And that is?"
"To kill you-and I won't let that happen."
Aidan was glad this was a dream. Otherwise he might think himself insane. But as the purple surf crashed against a crystal beach he knew he was safe. There was no reality here. There was just Leta and him.
Still, he was curious about why his subconscious would create all of this. "You said my brother conjured him to kill me."
She nodded.
"He did this from prison?" It made as much sense as anything else.
"He must have. Can you think of anyone else who'd want you dead to the point they'd give up their soul for it?"
Aidan gave a bitter laugh. "The list of those who hate me is lengthy, but those who want it to that extreme is much shorter. You're right. Donnie stands out among the really big haters."
She nodded.
Aidan sat quietly thinking about the tragedy of his past. After the death of their parents, he and Donnie had ended up being raised by their alcoholic uncle. As a single parent, the man had left much to be desired and basically Aidan and Donnie had always joked that they'd been raised by wolves.
All they'd had was each other. He still couldn't believe what something as petty as jealousy had done to his brother. How it could take a guy who'd once taken punches for him and turned him into a cold-blooded user who was willing to do anything to hurt him. It didn't make sense.
And now this...
No wonder his dreams were so whacked out. He was still reeling from the betrayal and obviously his subconscious continued to try and reconcile all of it.
Those thoughts reminded him of his early years in Hollywood. "One of the first movies I appeared in was a zombie flick. I remember that in the film, if you killed whoever was controlling the zombie, you took out the zombie too. Would this work the same way?"
Leta scowled at him. "Are you willing to kill your own brother?"
He didn't even hesitate with his answer. "Blood stopped binding us the instant he came at my throat. If this thing is stalking me because of him, then I'm more than ready to slash his throat and laugh while he bleeds to death at my feet. Give me the knife and stand back."
Leta let out a slow breath at the hostility in his tone. She should be appalled by his brutality, and yet she understood the sentiment.
"Unfortunately, that doesn't work in this case. Dolor isn't a zombie. He's an ancient god who is only held in check by a curse I put on him."
"Can't you put him back in stasis?"
She shook her head. "Not so long as you're standing. The strongest curse I could find would only work so long as the summons wasn't in place."
He narrowed his gaze on her. "Who the hell came up with this brilliant curse?"
"It was the best I could manage in a hurry," she said defensively.
He rolled his eyes. "With those kinds of critical assessment skills you should consider running for political office."
Before she could respond, a loud growl rent the air. Leta ground her teeth in disgust as she recognized the sound.
"What the hell is that?" Aidan asked.
"Timor."
"I hope old Tim's an ex-boyfriend."
How she wished. "No. He's the personification of human fear."
"Oh, goody," he said in a jovial tone. "Just what I wanted to add to my dream. Should we invite him over for tea?"