34
Ruth Anne
Edmonds, Washington – 2018
At the beach,Caleb jumped down from the log he’d been balancing on. “My Texas Grandpa is coming to visit today, Aunt Ruthie. I’ve never met him before. Have you?”
I adjusted the wool scarf around my neck in an effort to fight off the cold. “Not really.”
“Not really? What does that mean?” Ryan, who’d been walking beside me, bent over and picked up a nearly perfect sand dollar. “You’ve either met him or you haven’t.”
“You’re right. The truth is...” I stopped myself. The twins had parents. Good parents. It wasn’t my place to explain the truth of how I’d met their grandfather.
All day I’d had a hard time staying present in the moment, knowing Eddie was here in Edmonds. Brandy asked me to pick up the boys from school so she could have a little extra time with her father. I agreed, of course, feeling like it was the least I could do.
She also invited me to dinner, saying that Eddie wanted to talk to me. The idea of seeing Eddie face-to-face scared me to death.
Yet I knew I had to apologize in person to him. I couldn’t just send him a text saying, Sorry you spent the past three decades in prison because of me. Oops.
No, I had to tell him how sorry I was face-to-face.
On the drive to Brandy’s house, my heart pounded. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, the boys raced inside.
Too afraid to follow, I stayed in my car. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t face Eddie. I’d just leave and write him a letter. Maybe then I’d be able to face him.
Putting the car in reverse, I started to back out of the driveway. You’re going to feel this way until you decide not to.
The words of Salvador’s therapist hit me hard. Apologizing in person to Eddie wouldn’t eliminate all my guilt, but it might be a step in the right direction.
Gathering what little courage I could find, I pulled back into the driveway and parked the car. As I approached the house, my stomach twisted.
Suddenly the door opened, and there stood Eddie. “Ruth Anne. Hi.”
“Hi.” My voice, legs, and entire body wobbled.
For a moment, neither one of us said anything. Then the words poured out of me.
“I’m so, so, so sorry. I honestly thought it was you. I thought...” Shaking my head, I tried to hold back my tears. “I thought...”
“You thought I did it.”
I nodded. “I did. At first I thought it was Wayne Montgomery. I picked out his picture, but they said it couldn’t be him. They said he was in jail.”
“I know.”
“I should’ve been more adamant that it was Wayne. I should’ve taken my time. I thought I was doing the right thing. I know I made a horrible mistake, and I know you can never forgive me, but—”
“I forgive you.”
“What?” I stared at Eddie in stunned silence.
“I forgave you a long time ago, Ruth Anne.”
“But how? Your life was ruined. I ruined your life.”
His eyes softened. “Maybe. Maybe not. You never know how a tragedy can transform into something beautiful.”
Unable to speak, I said nothing. In the silence, a peaceful smile graced his face. “Life is short, Ruth Anne. When I first went to jail, I was incredibly angry and bitter. For years, the injustice of it all consumed me, but what did that get me? Nothing.
“At some point, you have to decide what kind of life you want. One filled with anger and bitterness? Or a life filled with forgiveness and whatever happiness you can manage to scrape together?
“So, I forgive you. Completely.”
I stared at Eddie, seeing nothing but sincerity in his eyes. He was serious. He really did forgive me. I didn’t deserve it, but he forgave me anyway.
Hot tears streamed down my face. “Thank you.”
He smiled, and I knew I would always remember this moment. This moment when, for the first time since my sister’s death, I felt peace.