I slit my eyes at him. “He shouldn’t be worried about me.”
“He worries, we both do. It’s all we fucking worry about.”
“I don’t need—”
“Shut the fuck up, Viola,” Jude sighs, sliding his hand through the back of my hair, pulling me to him. His lips are warm and taste of toothpaste with a hint of coffee. He’s not touched a drop of alcohol since I asked him not to and that makes the tightness in my shoulders lessen just a little bit. One thing less to worry about.
As he pulls back, teasing me one last time with his mouth on mine, he cocks his head. “There. Made you less fucking spikey. Now listen. We will always fucking worry, and that’s our burden to bear, but the dictatorship has to fucking stop.”
“Have you finished?” I ask, thoroughly conflicted, looking at him with feral eyes.
“Yes, now go after him.”
“I don’t even know where he went,” I huff, getting to my feet.
“Yes, you do,” Jude muses, slapping me on the ass I squeeze past him between the tables.
I leaveJude and walk toward the boathouse. Jude’s right. I know where Lorcan will be because it’s where he always goes when he’s fraught with all kinds of internal conflict that I don’t truly understand.
“Funny work,” I say as I walk along the pier toward Lorcan at the end of it.
The dark-haired Adonis, who caught the eye of my monster a long time ago, glances over his shoulder. As soon as he sees me, he squints and shakes his head, returning his gaze to the lake.
“I needed some air,” he says as I sit down beside him on the wooden end of the dock. He already has his bare feet in the water, so I strip off my shoes and socks and do the same. It’s become our ritual. Or it was before I got arrested.
The water is ice cold, and restful. It helps to clear my head. And soften the serrated edges of my internal mood that seems sharper, nastier, these days.
“I know why you keep things to yourself, but it fucks me off every time you do it.”
“You want to know everything?” I say to him.
“Yes, I fucking would.”
I drink down the fresh air around me, filling my lungs until all I can do is exhale. And then I tell him everything I know and suspect. All the maunderings trapped in my head, all the dark musings that could get me locked away for a very long time—I say it all to Lorcan.
Only the crisp, cold water, strung around my ankles and feet like icy barbs of truth, spearing through me, stop me from running away.
A few seconds after I finish, he blows out his cheeks. “Viola, this plan—it could all go fucking wrong. I don’t see why we can’t just fuck off to Australia or wherever you want to go.”
“It could,” I say, for want of anything better. “And Australia is too damn hot.”
“Fuck—” he says, letting out a breath, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I preferred it when the only thing I had to worry about was you trying to kill me.” A smile ghosts his lips as he says it, glancing my way.
I’m not sure why that’s amusing but he seems to find it so. Is it? Me trying to kill him instead of someone else…is that funny? Sometimes, I just don’t know what frequency he’s on.
I give him a strange look and then change the subject. “I’m doing this so that Adrien will think he’s won. I can only kill him if he’s caught off guard.” I tried to do it last time and I failed. I need every advantage I can get.
Lorcan’s expression sobers. “The ceremony will be packed with his men.”
I did already have a plan. I would have one if Dante wasn’t such a fucking asshole. “We need back-up. I have a plan to get us that.”
He shoots me a look. “Does this have something to do with a certain assassin?”
“No,” I say looking over the lake, watching the way the ripples rip through the water from the movement of my feet. “Not this time. I’m counting on Dino to help us,”
“Dino is fucked. He’s not even answering my fucking messages,” Lorcan sighs, taking out his phone to check.
I let out a breath, leaning back. “He’ll come around,” I say, keeping my feet moving in the water. Every kick in the cold, dark water sends a shiver down my spine, reminding me, I’m alive.
Not dead. Alive
Lorcan casts a glance at me, frowning. “How do you know?”
“Because…” I close my eyes, shutting out everything but the cold. “I’m going to tell him what he wants to hear.”