After wandering aimlessly for a while, I eventually walk up to a reception desk and ask them where I can find Kardinal Vice.
“Second floor, wing 3b. But he’s in a private room,” says one of the nurses, frowning at me. “I’m sorry, who are you?”
“I’m his fiancée,” I say. “I was the one that found him. Excuse me, I need to go and see him now.”
“Oh, my gosh, yes of course.”
No one stops me going up to the second floor. But the wing has police officers outside of it. I grab a bunch of flowers from an empty room and put my head down as I walk past them. It’s only when I get to the area outside the private room, that I see men outside of it I recognize.
My father’s men.
And my father with his arm around some woman with bright red hair.
I stall, unable to take a step closer.
The woman with the red hair bursts into tears as the doctor speaks to her. Her face crumples. She half collapses to the floor. “No, no, no. My baby. He’s gone. My baby!” she wails. My father picks her up and she buries her head on his shoulder.
Dark dread squeezes my insides until I can’t breathe.
Dino can’t be dead.
Suddenly, my father looks up. Our eyes connect through the glass of the door. And then my heart literally jumps out of my chest as the phone in my pocket rings. I grab my phone and put it to my ear.
“Why the fuck is Dante telling me you stole his Mustang. Where are you?” It’s Lorcan.
“I’m at the hospital,” I choke out. The corridor is spinning.
“You’re what?! Where?”
“Outside his…his room,” I say, blinking rapidly as I look up.
“Viola…” Lorcan says. But I’m not listening.
My father is walking toward the doors.
Turnaround now. You need to leave. He’s dead. You can’t do anything now.
I turn and walk back the way I came. I don’t bother to hold the flowers up. I just keep walking.
“Viola, don’t you dare walk away from me,” my father calls.
“Viola,” Lorcan says again, more gently this time. “Your father has the whole place locked down. You need to leave.”
“What do you think I’m doing?” I say. I hang up and keep walking down the white corridors. I’ve no idea where I’m going. They all look the fucking same.
I just wanted to see him.
Just once.
To say I’m sorry.
Now…It’s too late.
Pain. Real pain erodes what’s left of me. I keep walking, clawing back the pain until it sticks in my chest and won’t leave. I push it down, all the way, making a tight ball of ugliness where no one can find it. It’s where I’ve been shoving it for the last fifteen years, only letting it out when needs must.
Because I’m a fucking monster, just like my father wanted.
When I get outside, the cold air hits me like a slap in the face. Lorcan is striding toward me, concern etched on his features. His eyes are red. He’s been crying.