“You haven’t seen Finn since we left Sacred Heart,” I probe.
Lorcan lets out a breath, green eyes narrowing as he looks at me. “I’m closer to Jude and Dino. Finn only started hanging around with us in secondary school. I never really trusted the bastard.”
“He’s an annoying little fuck. Like Jude can be sometimes.”
“Well, you won’t have to put up with Jude for a while. Since he’s going to go to prison for you.”
There I go. Saying the wrong thing again. Why is it so difficult to be appropriate all the fucking time. I stare at Lorcan unsure what to say to that.
“I’m fucking with you,” he snorts. “If he does, we’re going to get him out.”
“Dickhead,” I snipe at him. After a few seconds, I shake my head. “I never asked Jude, or Dino for that matter, to ruin their lives for me. I never asked anyone.” If they’re all so fucking stupid that they all want to be martyrs, I can’t be responsible. It’s not how I’m wired. The anger is back and I don’t know why. I try to pull my hand away but Lorcan cocks his head, and holds it fast.
“They know that. Jude’s made his choice,” he says.
“Then why do I feel like I’ve lost the war?” I snort.
Green eyes glowing, he smirks. “The war’s not over sweetheart. We’re just getting started.” He glances down. “Alright. You’re all set.” I look down at the thin pieces of tape and gauze across the back of my hands. True to his nature, the tape is neat, precisely placed to be most effective. Whatever Lorcan decides to do with his life, he’s someone who will excel in anything he puts his mind to.
“Now if you want to leave, I won’t stop you,” he says. “But trust me when I say, you’re safe with me. With us,” he adds.
I look into his precious green eyes. The ones that see the real me. “You know I can’t stay forever, right?”
“I know.”
“Dino doesn’t.”
“Dino believes in fucking fairytales.”
“And you don’t?”
“Sweetheart, I grew up a long fucking time ago. The villain always wins. Why do you think I became one.”
“If you’re a villain, then what am I?”
He grins. “You’re our Angel of fucking Death.”
I don’t know what to say to that so I look away. The intensity is too much for me to handle right now.
“And after this is done, I’ll see that you get more than enough for what you need.”
I look back at him. “Explain.”
“I know about your mother.”
I snort. “Of course you know.”
“You’re paying for her care. That must cost a hell of a lot.” I shrug. It’s the reason I have to work. The bills aren’t just mine. “How long has she been in a psychiatric clinic?” he asks.
It’s a direct question, one I’m not used to answering.
“Suit yourself,” he says after a moment or two when I say nothing. He gets to his feet.
My brain runs through every scenario where Lorcan could use this information against me. I can’t think of one that seems likely, but I still can’t shake the feeling I’ve made a mistake.
No one knows who I really am.
Hawkes is not my real last name.