“Am I stupid?”
“You know I don’t think you are.”
“Then why act like I’m stupid when it is you who are scared?”
“I’m a killer, Annick, and I don’t regret it. That’s who I am. I was a different man once. I loved someone once. And I won’t do it again.”
“Lies. You love. And you believe in good. You want to say that you don’t. You want to believe that you don’t, because it is scary to you. I scare you. You don’t scare me, Maximus King, and you need to. Because you need to scare me away. But I won’t be. Because I’m not weak. Because I know what it is when men love only power, and that is not you.”
“But I love my anger,” he said. “And I love that I have had the freedom to let it run free.”
“Fine. But you did not do bad things with it. You did good for the world. Yes, these are unsavory things, but there is war in this world, is there not? You cannot make yourself out to be a villain any more than a general might be. You do more than simply follow orders—you are willing to do what must be done. No, I will not let you recast yourself as a villain simply because it keeps you safe. Simply because you fear what it might mean to let yourself feel.”
“I told you, I’m a monster.”
“Yes, and I believe you. But I love this monster. All the pain that you have been through. All the things that have broken you. The things that have left you sharp and jagged and difficult. For I am no different. Broken and sad in some ways, but filled with hope. And I want, more than anything, to live.” She looked at him, her eyes filled with sadness. “You have spent years killing for a woman. Will you not live for one?”
“I can only live a half life. And you deserve more than that.”
“You go back on our bargain? Now that you have had your way? Now you have married me?”
He looked her in the eyes. “I vowed to stay with you. I vowed to protect you, and I won’t break those vows.”
“No. Just bind us both in a life where you refuse to love me but accept my love for yourself.”
“I would never have asked for it,” he said, the words scraping his throat raw. “You’re the one who seems insistent on giving it.”
“More fool me.”
“I can’t give more than this.” How could he? His heart was a stone, and what was beneath...
He was battered. Wounded beyond repair.
She deserved someone more. She deserved something more, but the world had given her a broken and lacking life, and him, a broken and lacking man to go with it.
“No. You won’t,” she said. “Because you are afraid. A coward. So brave. So brave when it comes to doing things. So afraid when it comes to the feeling of them. Don’t think I cannot see. I told you. I do not need a bitch. I need a guard. I need my cane.”
“Careful,” he said, grabbing her wrist then. “Careful before you insult me.”
“You insult us both.”
She got off the bed and began to gather her things. She dressed slowly, the anger and hurt radiating off her in waves. But she would know someday that he was doing her a kindness by not prolonging this. By not lying. For his part, he wouldn’t lie.
“It is an offense, this,” she said. “That we have both survived so much, and both traveled through so much darkness, for you to run away from the light when it is offered.”
“Annick...”
“I thought you could rescue me, Maximus. But you are the one who needs rescuing. And if you will not take my hand, then I cannot help.”
And then Annick slipped from the room, closing the door behind her. And he was left alone.
As it should be.