And the idea that she might be closer to knowing one more thing about herself, to finding a sense of completion, gave her peace even in this storm.
And so she kissed him.
Finally, finally, he released his hold on her wrists, and she was free. She moved her hands to his face, to his shoulders, down the front of his chest. She grabbed hold of his tie and began to loosen the knot with clumsy fingers. She had no idea about the mechanics of a man’s tie. Did not have a clue how to begin undressing him, only that she wanted him undressed.
He might not be her true King. But here, now, she wanted him to have this dominion over her body.
Here and now, in the middle of all the lies, this was real. It was true. There was no one here to see. It was not a show.
It was just her. And him.
And there were very few moments in her life that had this kind of honesty. If any.
And this was what she needed. Something real to hold on to. Something that felt good and not just sad. Not just like a tragedy that left a yawning, darkened void behind.
Maximus was creating a need inside of her, while the sweep of his hands over her body was answering that need.
He was making her want, but he wasn’t leaving her wanting. And it was magical to discover these sensations.
He had told her to go to her room and explore her own body, and she hadn’t even tried. It wasn’t her own touch she wanted. It was his.
She wouldn’t have known where to begin. Because she wanted what he was doing. And she was so ignorant she didn’t even know how to fantasize about it. But this...
This was it.
And it wasn’t all fairy dust and gossamer. There was an edge to it. Like the black velvet of the night sky had wrapped itself around them, cloaking them in darkness. A soft, brilliant darkness that enticed them both to sin.
That enticed them both to satisfaction.
She got that tie free and began to undo the buttons on his shirt.
Oh, she wished she could see better. Because his chest felt magnificent.
And she felt insatiable.
“What is this?” she asked, panting heavily. “I don’t know if I want to lick you or bite you.”
“Do either,” he said, his voice rough. “Both.”
And so she did. She leaned in, and she bit his pectoral muscle, and then she soothed it with the flat of her tongue.
“Is this normal? I am hungry for you.” She pressed her face to his body and inhaled deeply. The scent of him only made her that much more aroused. “I think it might be madness.”
“It is madness,” he said. “And this is why I told you to stay away from me.”
“You said you were not insatiable.”
“But I looked at you and knew that I could be. And I don’t think even a woman with years of experience can handle me insatiable. I should not be asking you to.”
“But I need it,” she said, tears gathering in her eyes. “I need something strong enough to block out the memories. To block out the bad things. I need something strong enough to make me feel good, because there is so much sadness. There is so much. And sometimes I feel like I might be crushed beneath the weight of it. But not when you kiss me. Because whatever this feeling is that you create inside of me, it is enough. It is strong enough... It is strong enough to make it feel good.”
Because the pain was still there. The weight was still there. And this was not a light trip through a field of daisies. But it created in her pleasure at an intensity that matched the difficult things, and if that wasn’t a gift, she didn’t know what was.
She moved back to him, burying her face in the curve of his neck and kissing him. Licking him.
This was real.
The whole facade of the marriage, of the two of them together, might be for show, but this was not.