She only had her own parents’ experience to go on, which wasn’t encouraging. Their marriage, like their parenting, had been cold, her father interested in nothing but his political machinations, her mother in her social ones. Neither had seemed to like the other much yet they didn’t argue. They treated each other with the same chilly politeness with which they treated her.
Would it be like that with Cassius? She knew he wasn’t a cold man, or at least he hadn’t been the previous night, so maybe it would be different between them.
Except she didn’t much like the gentle condescension he’d been affecting with her the past couple of years. Perhaps once they started living together as husband and wife that might change.
Although...would they be living together as husband and wife? All Cassius had said was that she would remain his wife and take her place as queen. Did that involve living together? Sharing a bed? Or would they have separate rooms at the palace? Would they only meet for formal occasions and official functions, continuing on with their separate lives? Or would they spend time together outside of those times? Alone with each other. The way they used to...
Longing curled in Inara’s heart.
Yes, that was what she wanted. A marriage like that—talking together, easy and friendly. Laughing and discussing things of interest, with the occasional argument that didn’t get too serious. Not her parents’ icy formality, but something warmer and more real. Friendlier.
And sex. You want that too.
Inara shifted on the seat cushions, remembering the night before—Cassius beneath her, all long, lean muscle and power, looking at her with fire in his eyes. Looking at her the way she’d desperately wanted him to for so long. Him moving inside her, giving her the most intense pleasure...
Heat prickled over her skin. Yes, okay, maybe she wanted that as well. But...would he? Would a marriage to him include that? Or was what they’d shared together in the library a one-off thing that wouldn’t happen again?
He’d said that he hadn’t had a lover in three years, that she was the first one he’d taken in all that time, so surely...? But then again, if he’d managed to go without sex for so long then perhaps he didn’t need it...
No, there were too many variables, that was the problem, and too much she didn’t know. The answers to those questions could only be solved by more research, and that meant talking to him, which she would have to do when they landed.
Feeling somewhat better now that she’d thought a few things through, Inara watched as they flew over Katara, the capital city of Aveiras.
It was famously beautiful, with a historic walled town located near the central business district and by the sea. The old palace was the centrepiece of the old town, built out of weathered white stone with beautifully laid-out formal gardens. It was the seat of the royal family of Aveiras and had been for centuries. Inara had always disliked it.
Despite how picturesque it looked, the palace had felt cold and echoing and unfriendly whenever she’d visited and, as the helicopter descended to the helipad located in the palace grounds, creeping doubt wound through her.
Regardless of what kind of wife she would be, she would also be Queen. What would the palace staff think of the King’s decision? What would the people of Aveiras think? Cassius’s mother had been revered and deeply loved, and her death had been bitterly mourned. No one would want Inara stepping into her shoes, surely?
A phalanx of palace staff waited as the helicopter landed, and as soon as she stepped out they surrounded her, taking her one pathetic suitcase and shepherding her towards the doors that led into the palace. All of them looked business-like and not one smiled at her. It made her homesick for the Queen’s Estate, where there was no one to look at her and judge her. No one to disappoint. Only Henri and Joan, who cared about her.
And now you have no one...
The thought threw dark shadows everywhere so she pushed it away, hoping that Cassius might come to meet her. But it was soon clear that he wouldn’t, so she told herself it was fine and she didn’t mind. He was the King. He probably had better things to do, and anyway, though it would have been nice to see a friendly face in amongst the crowd of grim-looking palace employees, she didn’t need it. She would manage. Of course she would. She would have to.
Inara was ushered down the long, echoing stone hallways of the palace with high-vaulted ceilings and long lines of dark, formal portraits of the de Leon royal line. The chill of the palace crept into her bones as she walked, though she tried not to let it, and the disapproving gazes of the people in the portraits followed her.
The palace had always felt oppressive, and it wasn’t any different now, the heavy weight of history and its judgment pressing down on her. It reminded her of being in her parents’ house and the constant critical attention they had subjected her to—always measuring her, always judging her.
And this is now your home.
Inara did her best not to think of that.
Eventually she was led to the royal apartments and ushered into what turned out to be a rather pleasant sitting room located in a part of the large, sprawling palace that overlooked the famous Aveiran white cliffs and the deep blue of the sea that lay below them.
Inara had never visited the royal apartments and had always assumed they would be just as cold and empty and echoing as the rest of the palace. But this room was neither cold nor empty nor echoing.
It had large windows that looked out over a small but beautiful and slightly overgrown garden full of flowers, with the jewel-blue sea beyond it. There were rugs on the floor that echoed the colour of the flowers outside, and a couple of deep, comfortable-looking chairs upholstered in dark-blue velvet, with a matching sofa. Cushions had been scattered artfully everywhere and bookcases full of books stood against the bare stone walls. And most surprising of all, on the side tables, sideboard and numerous shelves, there was a plethora of small shrubs in decorative pots. The plants softened the atmosphere, making it seem lived-in and inviting, even though the whole room reeked of a tidiness that was foreign to Inara.
She took a few steps over to the windows and glanced out at the early afternoon steadily advancing.
Nerves coiled tightly inside her. Presumably she’d been brought here to...what? Wait? For whom—Cassius? Or would someone else come for her? And what was she supposed to do, exactly?
Inara swallowed, her hands closing into fists. She hated not knowing things and there was nothing worse than questions she didn’t know the answers to. Especially when the answers were dependent on someone else who wasn’t around. It meant there was nothing to stop her brain from throwing up yet more questions until her thought processes were going round and round like mice running on a wheel.
It didn’t help that, along with her nerves, there was also a strange, prickling sense of anticipation, the same feeling she got whenever she knew Cassius was coming to visit, except not quite.
Before, she’d been full of a simple joy. Now, the joy was tempered with other things, more complicated things. Nerves and a little rush of fear, along with heat and a strange sort of excitement. Normally when she felt this way she retreated into her research, but she couldn’t do that now, so to relieve the tension Inara walked slowly over to one of the tables to examine a tiny, gnarled bonsai in a blue glazed pot that sat on it.