Something kicked hard in her brain. Curiosity.
‘I never thought of you as a husband at all,’ she said before she could think better of it. ‘But why? Have you really been celibate for three years?’
‘Yes.’ This time there was no hesitation. ‘I have a standard to uphold and it’s a standard I believe in very much. A king has to set an example to his people, so that’s what I strive to do. They expect their king to behave in a certain way, and sleeping around is not one of those behaviours.’
The chill that had crept through her just before was back, though she wasn’t sure why, not when what he’d said made sense. The de Leon kings had always been exemplary in their behaviour, shining lights of compassion and justice and propriety. Certainly, Cassius’s father had been a perfect example, and his twin brother Caspian a carbon copy. It made sense that Cassius would now take on that mantle.
So why did he break a three-year drought with you?
She had no idea. Desperation? Opportunity? Certainly it wasn’t because she was special in any way.
‘So why now?’ she couldn’t help asking. ‘Why did you...?’
Cassius cupped her jaw gently, his touch silencing her. Glimmers of heat still shone in his eyes, but she could tell the King was very firmly in charge now. ‘Because you were lovely and I forgot myself.’ His gaze was very direct. ‘But now we have an added difficulty. I didn’t use a condom.’
Oh. She hadn’t even thought of that.
Her stomach dropped away and she felt slightly dizzy at the idea that she might be expecting Cassius’s child.
‘It’s not ideal for either of us,’ he went on, his thumb absently stroking her cheek, ‘but there is only one way we can solve this.’
‘Solve this?’ she echoed, her thoughts tumbling around in her head, her skin burning with every stroke of his thumb.
‘Yes, of course. It’s a problem, Inara.’ His hand dropped away. ‘But it’s a problem that I created and therefore I will be the one to find a solution.’
Her brain felt sluggish, all her thought processes sticky as treacle. ‘A solution to what?’
‘To the fact that I took your virginity,’ he said patiently. ‘To the fact that you might be expecting my heir. Don’t you see? A divorce is out of the question now.’
Inara was warm and soft and delicate against him, and her eyes had gone very wide, staring at him in shock.
Well, he could understand that. This was shocking for him too. He’d lost control. He’d forgotten himself. He’d taken her without thought, without consideration, and most important of all without a condom.
He was appalled at himself. He was supposed to be better than this. Hadn’t he promised himself that? He was supposed to protect her, to be her saviour, not her ravisher. After his parents’ and Caspian’s deaths, he’d sworn that he’d be the kind of king they’d have been proud of. He’d never be Caspian, of course—who could?—but he’d at least be decent.
A decent king wouldn’t take the virginity of a woman as innocent as Inara.
A decent king wouldn’t forget a damn condom either.
Which meant that, if he wanted to be a decent king, the only answer was to keep her as his wife.
‘What?’ She blinked rapidly. ‘You don’t want a divorce? But I thought you said—’
‘I know what I said,’ he interrupted, ignoring the regret and bitter shame coiling in his heart. Regret over what this would mean for Inara. Shame at how easily he’d forgotten his vows to himself and his family. ‘But things have changed. If you’re pregnant with my heir, there will be no divorce.’
It was the only solution. No, she wouldn’t be who he’d have chosen as his queen—his parents would have been horrified—but there wasn’t another fix. He could divorce her, but what if she was pregnant? He couldn’t have a royal bastard running around. That just wouldn’t work.
And if she wasn’t pregnant, he’d still taken her virginity. No one else would know, but he would. He’d know exactly how thin were his promises, how fragile. And, if he couldn’t even keep a promise to himself, how could he keep it to anyone else? To his country?
No, he couldn’t countenance it. He wouldn’t.
‘But I...might not be pregnant.’
‘You might not,’ he agreed. ‘But the fact remains that I took your virginity. And, besides, you’re my wife already. Seems logical that you should stay my wife.’
‘But I—’
‘Don’t worry.’ Gently, he lifted the arm of her glasses that had come off and slipped it back behind her ear. Perhaps she would be more comfortable with contacts. They might be easier to manage, given that as Queen she’d be attending functions and undertaking numerous other royal duties. ‘I’ll handle everything. It’ll be an adjustment for you being Queen, as it was for me when I became King, but I managed well enough. And so will you.’