Vienna hugged him tightly, savoring his scent and the strength in his frame. “She is. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else. I want her to know that. I could see that Ellen is on my side. She wants Mom and me to heal the rift as well.”
She stepped back and he dropped his arms, allowing her to escape so they could walk to their car. They had used Vienna’s car. She had picked him up from an appointed corner away from the Strip. She’d felt a little like a spy in some silly, intriguing but fun movie.
“I noticed Ellen was helping as best she could. I think she’s a powerful ally for both of you.”
“I don’t deserve for her to be on my side. I didn’t try to establish a relationship with her at first. I think I was jealous that Mom had someone else. I was like a little child, so upset that there was someone in her life other than me.” She noticed that even though he walked with her in that casual, flowing way he had, his eyes were always restlessly moving, scanning rooftops of the other buildings around them. He took in everything automatically, every car, under it, the landscaping, the doorways of nearby businesses—nothing escaped him.
“I think that’s understandable,” he excused her, standing close as she opened the driver’s-side door. He had his back to her, facing out, his body shielding hers and the car.
“You’re not my bodyguard,” she reminded him. “I’m not Daniel Wallin, or your friend Rainier. You don’t need to stand like that.”
He just smiled at her, closed her door and went around to the passenger side to slide in. He waited until she was driving through the streets of Vegas, heading back to their hotel. “You’re very lucky, Vienna. I didn’t have family. I never really understood what it meant, not for a very long time.”
She wrapped her fingers around the steering wheel. He gave her little pieces of himself. Tiny ones. Even back then, when they’d camped for those six weeks together, when he’d told her small things about himself, she’d cherished them, knowing he didn’t give them to others. That had been intuitive. After he’d disappeared without a trace, she’d talked herself into believing she couldn’t trust that part of herself, not when it came to men.
“I do know I’m lucky.” She had so much in her life to be thankful for. Her friends were right up there, number one on her list. She wanted her mother back. And she wanted to be friends with Ellen and was determined to make that happen. She had no one to blame for that disaster but her own jealous, childish self. Hopefully, Ellen’s generous nature would allow for a lasting, close relationship. She had a full, active life, one she enjoyed. Her sassy cat she adored. Her work she loved. The man sitting beside her, who she was terrified of letting back into her life but who she was utterly relieved to know was alive and well, when there were so many nights she’d lain awake afraid he was dead.
“Do you know who your parents are?” She shouldn’t ask him. She shouldn’t pry. He had no problem prying into every aspect of her life, so she didn’t know why she felt a little guilty asking, but she did.
“No. The agency tried to find out. They look for any dirt they can use, and I wanted them to find something, but they didn’t.”
She braked for a red light, frowning as she cast a quick glance his way. “You’re working for them, Zale. Risking your life. Why would they want to have ‘dirt’ on you?”
His palm was suddenly cupping her cheek, his thumb sliding over her lips. “They find men like me. Men with certain characteristics. And they train us for jobs no one else wants. The training is brutal and it brings out those traits that would be better left alone.” His fingers were gentle in counterpoint to the things he told her about himself. “Our handlers want ways to keep us under their control, I guess. As if having ‘dirt’ would do that. It would only piss me off.”
Abruptly, he dropped his hand, his entire demeanor changing. His voice went to that rasping purr that was suddenly deadly. “And if they study us the way they’re supposed to, with their fucking shrinks, they should know putting a loved one in danger would bring hell down on them so fast they wouldn’t know what hit them.”
“Zale.” She whispered his name, aching for him. He could do that to her so fast.
“You were a shock to me, Vienna. Everything about you. I had this vague idea that someday I’d find someone, long after my retirement, if I managed to stay alive that long. I didn’t think I’d feel that much for her, but still, it was something new to try, settling down, having a family. Everyone else had one. Maybe I could do it. I didn’t think I was capable of real emotion.” He rubbed his chest. “Most of the time, I feel dead inside.” He frowned. “That’s not entirely true. I’m not explaining this right.”
Vienna was afraid if she said anything he would stop talking, and she didn’t want him to. This was important for her to hear. To understand. Mostly, it was important for Zale to express, and he was struggling.
“I have certain friends I’m close to. I care about them. Sam. Rainier. Rush. Wilder. A very small circle, and it took me a long time to get there. Trusting anyone isn’t my forte. My training didn’t exactly help me there.”
To Vienna’s consternation, he fell silent. They were already too close to the corner where she knew he would insist she drop him off.
“When I met you . . .” He trailed off again, shaking his head. Rubbing one palm over his heart. “You changed everything I’d ever believed about myself and what I was capable of. It isn’t just a small feeling, Vienna.” He gestured toward the next block. “It’s overwhelming. When I’ve never felt anything and then there it is, I know it’s damn real, and I don’t want to lose it because I’m not quite sure what I’m doing yet. Pull over. I’ll meet you later.”
He had his hand on the door handle before she brought her car to a halt. “Zale, wait, no. I’m not sure I should let you—” He was gone, melting into the darkness. She hadn’t even noticed that he’d brought that dark sport jacket with him. She couldn’t make him out as she pulled away from the curb back into traffic and drove to the private circle where the valet would take her car and she could go straight up in the private elevator to her suite.
Vienna couldn’t help but look around the hallway suspiciously as she unlocked the door and stepped inside quickly. She was getting paranoid just knowing someone had attacked Zale. There was no one around. It was easy to see up and down the halls. Closing the door made her feel safe. The first thing she did was kick off her shoes and go to one of the very comfortable cuddle chairs so she could call Stella.
“I had dinner with Mom and Ellen tonight,” she greeted without preamble. “It was a good night, mostly because I brought Zale with me. And Ellen was determined to make it work between Mom and me. She was really wonderful.” Once again, she was talking too fast, the words tumbling over one another.
“I’m happy for you, Vienna,” Stella said. “This is the first time you and your mother made it through an evening together in a long time, right?”
Vienna was grateful she had stayed on topic and hadn’t brought Zale up right away. “Since the fight we had. I’ve tried everything to get us back together and nothing has worked. She’s been so uncomfortable around me, and I think I’ve been the same way. I was really ashamed of the way I reacted to her telling me she was in love with Ellen. It had nothing to do with objecting to Ellen, just being jealous of her bringing someone else into our relationship so unexpectedly.”
“You have to let that go, Vienna,” Stella advised. “You can only apologize so many times.”
“I know. I think both of them have accepted my apology, but Mom’s been afraid I’d bring up other things that came out that night she doesn’t want to talk about. I wanted to make it very plain tonight that I have no intention of bringing those subjects up to her. I hope she got the message and she can relax around me. I just want my mother back.”
“How did Zale fit into all of this?”