“Yeah. What are you going to do for break?”
He thinks that over for a second. “Probably go visit Owen for a bit, so I can see you, and then come back to spend time with my new nephew.”
“That’s cool,” I say, my lips curving. “Especially the seeing me part.”
“Agreed,” he whispers, moving his fingers through my hair. “Does Aviva know about us?”
I nod. “Yeah. But she doesn’t want to deal with Nico, so she won’t tell him.” His eyes lock with mine, and I feel like he wants to say something. “Is that not okay?”
“It’s fine,” he says softly, his eyes moving to where he is stroking my hair with his fingers. “Are we dating?”
His question catches me off guard. “I thought we were.”
He nods, still not looking at me.
“Again, is that not okay?”
“It’s great,” he says, though he won’t look at me. “I’m just thinking.”
“About?”
“Nico—and us.”
“Weird combo,” I joke, but he doesn’t laugh. “He’s all bark, no bite.”
“I beg to differ,” he says simply. “I want you to be sure of this.”
“This?” I ask, and finally, his eyes meet mine. “You? I’m sure about you. I like you a lot, Evan.”
He swallows hard. “I feel the same. But as I said before, I’m a bit broken.”
I slide my hand from his neck to his jaw. “I happen to believe you’re not as broken as you think. You’ve worked really hard to mend yourself.”
“I have,” he agrees. “But still, I’m chipped in a lot of ways.”
“Aren’t we all?” His eyes burn into mine. “I want nothing more than to help mend those parts too.”
Evan’s eyes are dark, and I’m lost in them. The sounds around us make the moment so beautiful and romantic. I understand that he feels the way he does, but it frustrates me at the same time. In my opinion, he’s so damn awesome. I hate the pressure he’s put on himself and how he feels that he’s not enough, just because of a sport.
“I’ll say it again, Evan, but you’re more than hockey. So much more. I need you to realize that, and to know that I like you for all of you.”
He swallows hard and looks away. “I stopped taking my meds, which is why I had that panic attack.”
I only blink, unsure what to say. Really, I don’t think this is my time to say anything. It’s his.
“I thought I was doing well enough not to need them, and I ran out and I didn’t refill, and then it was too late. Lots of excuses, honestly. Then I got so overwhelmed by everything that happened in that span of twenty-four hours, and I snapped.”
“It’s okay—”
“Let me get this out, please,” he urges, his eyes sweet but full of such trepidation.
I nod and feel as if I’m holding my breath.
“I owe you an apology. Though I doubt you’ll accept it,” he whispers. “I didn’t think through sleeping with you. I didn’t consider your feelings or mine. I wasn’t honest with you, I didn’t explain myself, and then I left you hanging for an unacceptable length of time.”
I thought we’d gone over this. I watch as he struggles with his words, the way his jaw goes taut and his breathing picks up. I want to tell him it’s okay, but I’m getting the vibe that he regrets sleeping with me. I’m so totally confused. I was convinced he enjoyed it; I know I did, so what did I miss? Why is he lying on the dock with me like this? Why are we even here?
When he looks up at me, breathing becomes optional. “In no way do I regret that night.”
“Oh, I thought you did,” I say on an exhale, and he shakes his head quickly.
“Believe me, I’ve had the hots for you since the moment I taped your ankle. You’re so out of my league. And Callie, I’m obsessed with your butt in a leotard. Seriously,” he says as I giggle, and God, I love how he smiles with his adorable little dimples. But then they disappear, and his face goes blank as he whispers, “The thing is, I owe you the truth.”
I swallow hard as I gulp out, “The truth? I don’t understand.”
He sucks in a breath, letting it out in a whoosh. “I’m making this more dramatic than it needs to be.”
I smile nervously. “I’m so confused.”
Evan shakes his head and then whispers, “You were my first.”
I scrunch up my face as confusion floods me. “First?” I repeat, because I think I know what he is saying…but surely not. This is Evan Adler, walking godlike hockey star. His body is a work of art, and he is a nice guy. Talented, sexy, smart, and kind. “Are you saying you were a virgin before me?”