“I fully agree,” he says, kissing my nose just as the door opens.
We both sit up straight as the lady calls, “Sinclair?”
I stand first and hold my hand up. “Here.”
“Dork, we aren’t in school,” Jace teases, standing up and smacking my butt. I glare playfully up at him as we follow the technician to the back.
“So Avery and Jace, right?”
I smile. “Yup.”
“Awesome. My name is Marilu and I’ll be your technician.”
“Great,” I say as Jace flashes her a winning grin.
“So what we hoping for?”
“Boy,” we both say at the same time and then we share a smile.
“But a healthy baby is key.”
“For sure,” she agrees as I lie back on the table and lift my shirt. I haven’t gained much weight, very little actually, but I’m carrying it all in my belly. Lucy says that’s awesome and I hope it stays like that. But knowing me and my love for anything sweet, I’m sure my ass will double in size before I know it. “Okay, this is heated gel but it’s still a little cold. My heater isn’t working right.”
When the goo goes on my belly, I flinch a little because it’s colder than she let on. Looking over to Jace, he’s white as a ghost again, practically leaning over me to watch as she puts the probe on my belly. It so cute how he gets with all my appointments. He says he will be fine during the birth, but I highly doubt that. He’ll probably pass out.
At first, I can’t tell what we are looking at, but then I see limbs and a head. I was sure I was going to cry. I thought seeing our little nugget would send me into a crazy crying fit, but I’m good, I’m excited. Jace is grinning from ear to ear as he points at the screen.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it,” Marilu says as she moves the probe. “And that’s the heartbeat,” she says, pointing to the screen, and yeah, I start crying. I don’t know why, but tears are gushing down my face as the little flicker of light goes nuts in our baby’s chest. For some reason, I’ve been thinking we live in a fairy world because, while my belly is growing, it feels fake to me. I don’t know, it’s crazy, but seeing that heartbeat makes it real.
This is really happening.
Panic fills my chest because what if I’m a horrible mom? What if Jace leaves me? Oh God, can I do this myself? Closing my eyes, I suck in a deep breath and then Jace is wrapping me up in his arms, dusting kisses down my jaw.
“Are you okay?” Marilu asks and I feel Jace wave her off.
“Give us a second, please.”
“Sure,” she says and I feel the probe leave my belly. But I can’t move, I’m crying too hard.
“Shh, baby. In and out,” he whispers and I pull in deep breaths, letting them out slowly as I nuzzle my nose into his neck.
“What if I suck? What if the baby hates me? What if you don’t—”
“Avery, shh, baby, breathe,” he demands, running his hand up and down my arm. “It’s okay. We got this, remember? Together.”
“I don’t know why I’m freaking out so bad. It’s just so real. I saw it.”
“Yup, our baby, it’s okay.”
“But what if it’s not? What if while you’re traveling, I freak out because I’m overwhelmed and I’m all by myself with the baby? What did we do, Jace? Oh, God.”
“Whoa, baby,” he says, holding me closer to him. “We will be okay. No matter what, it’s okay. Please breathe.”
“I’m scared, Jace. I’m so scared.”
“No, you think you are. Breathe,” he demands and when he draws in a breath, I do the same, letting it out when he does. We do this over and over again. As my heart slows in my chest, my breathing going back to normal, I know he’s right. Five seconds ago, I was excited for this. I want this, I know I do, but it was just really real for a second there. Sometimes I feel like it’s all so perfect that I psych myself out. I make myself think things I shouldn’t. I should just be happy. I should just love Jace, and I’m working on that, I am. But one thing is for damn sure. I wouldn’t be handling anything well without this guy right here.