25
MERCEDES
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Judge cups my face, his eyes searching mine.
“Yes.” I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a light squeeze.
He still doesn’t look convinced, but enough time has passed, and I’ve grown tired of being separated from him far too often these last few weeks. Our marriage didn’t come with the honeymoon we’d hoped for, and when Judge hasn’t been at the hospital with Theron, he’s catching up on work.
It’s clear he still carries guilt over what happened. The lingering tensions between the two brothers before Theron almost died certainly doesn’t help. And while I thought I’d be the last person ever feeling indebted to Theron in any way, I can’t deny the truth. He hurt me. He terrified me. But he also gave me the greatest gift anyone ever has. In a split-second decision, he undoubtedly saved Judge’s life, as well as that of our babies. If it wasn’t for Theron, I could have been spending my honeymoon at my husband’s grave, mourning his loss rather than planning our future together.
It's an admission that rocks me to my core. And admittedly, I still feel a rush of fear every time he leaves the house. Or if he doesn’t come home exactly on time. If he takes too long to text me back. I know these things will get better in time, but right now, I can’t help it. I want to be near him. I need to be near him. I can’t be at ease unless I feel his presence beside me.
“You look tired,” Judge observes, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks. “Perhaps you should stay home and rest.”
“Says the man who hardly sleeps.” I reach up and stroke my fingers through the back of his hair. “I’m tired because I’m growing two tiny humans inside me. But I’m also tired of resting. I want to go with you.”
He still seems reluctant, and I know why. While I’m desperate to have him near me as much as possible, he’s desperate to keep me at home where he knows I’m safe. It hasn’t escaped me that every time he looks at me, he carries the burden of additional guilt for that too. In some way, he still feels like he failed to protect me even though he’d done all he could. I’ve told him again and again that what happened couldn’t be avoided. Vincent was determined, and even if someone had thwarted his attempt that night, he would have found another time and place. I understand that, but I think it will take Judge time to come to terms with it.
“This isn’t how I’d imagined us spending this time,” he says. “But I want you to know that when this is over, you’ll get your honeymoon. You’ll get everything you want.”
“All I want is you.” I offer him a warm smile. “I’m easy to please.”
He smirks as if it’s the furthest thing from the truth he’s ever heard, and I slap his chest.
“Hey, I am.”
“Don’t worry.” He leans in, his lips hovering over mine. “I like you demanding. Particularly when you’re in our bed.”
I melt into him, wishing we had more time to go do exactly that. My hormones have been insane, and even though I’m uncomfortable ninety percent of the time, I can’t seem to get enough of Judge. I know I’ve been exhausting him more when he comes home at night and I reach for him in the dark, scrambling to get him any way I can. But he hasn’t complained, so I figure it’s fair play.
“Later,” he promises in a raspy voice, clearly amused by the longing in my expression.
And with that dark assurance, he takes me by the hand and leads me to the car. Raul drives us to The Society hospital that’s housed Theron during his recovery, but I know Judge has been making alternate plans. Theron will need rehabilitation, and Judge has sought out the best team for that part of his recovery as well. I don’t know when they’ll be moving him, but I suspect it will be soon.
When we arrive, a strange flutter of nerves erupts in my belly as Judge leads me to Theron’s room. Quite honestly, I never thought I’d have to face him again. I never wanted to. But I know now, after Judge confirmed Theron has been struggling with addiction, that he’s been battling his own demons. It isn’t an excuse for what happened, but at least in a way, I can understand.
I am not without sin myself, and if I were following my religious scruples, I shouldn’t be the one to cast stones. In other words, I’ve done some pretty fucked-up things in my own life, and coming from that place, I understand there has to be space for forgiveness. Not only for his sake, but my own.
“You can always change your mind.” Judge stops at the door with Theron’s name beside it, his hand squeezing mine. “I’ll take you home right now if you want.”
“No.” I force a smile and shake my head. “I want to do this.”
He nods, but the concern doesn’t leave his eyes. And then, just like we’re ripping off a Band-Aid, he opens the door, and we step inside.
I don’t know what I’m expecting exactly, considering the severity of Theron’s injuries and the fact that he barely scraped through. In my head, I imagined him lying prone in his bed, barely able to fend for himself. Yet the scene before us is anything but a helpless man.
He is in his bed, of course, but he’s propped up by a stack of pillows behind him. The low murmur of the television plays in the background, but he’s not focused on that. No, his attention is on the two pretty nurses at his side, one fussing over his food while the other shaves his face. Both of them wearing smiles entirely too large.
Judge arches a brow at the scene just as Theron returns it with a devilish grin. That grin falters briefly as he turns his attention to me, and something shifts in the room. I feel it in the shiver that moves over my spine, the memory of that awful night not too distant.
In some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. But in others, the wound feels fresh because it hasn’t been dealt with. Not really. When I came to face him, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But this charming version of Theron is the one that I first met. The man with the handsome features and easy smile. A quick wit, which he’s obviously been using to entertain the nurses. All of these details were so non-threatening that I quickly warmed to him. But I know, even now with his eyes clear and the solemn expression that falls over him, he still has demons to battle.
“Thank you, ladies,” Theron says dismissively. “Let’s resume this another time.”
The nurses glance at us, trying and failing to adopt a professional demeanor before they quickly shuffle out of the room at his command. I have an urge to roll my eyes, but I don’t. Because Theron’s are still locked on me, and I know he has something to say before he even begins.
“Mercedes.” He nods at me. “I’m flattered you’d come to see me. Unless… perhaps, you were hoping I was really dead?”
Though his voice has a teasing lilt, there is a hint of vulnerability beneath it. Like maybe that’s what he expects from everyone in his life. That we’d all wish that for him.
“Actually, no. That’s not why I’m here.”