It feels strange,being back in this room. More accurately, it feels achingly empty. I lie on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for footsteps I know will never come. But even as pain lances through me and I cry silent tears, I have to believe this is for the best. Judge is angry, and I wish he wasn’t, but it serves as a reminder of why I have to follow through with my plan.
I meant what I told him. I’m going to talk to Santi. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it over the last week, and it’s going to be hard. Possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ll have to own my choices, and I will do it with my head held high. It won’t be a comfortable conversation, given that we’ve only just started to put the past behind us, but I’m in it now, and there’s no getting off this ride. I have to put everyone else’s feelings aside and do what’s best for my children. No matter what.
Later that night, somewhere between darkness and dawn, I manage to get a little more sleep. I only realize it when I’m awakened by the sound of shouting carrying up through my windows. I sit up, straining to hear what’s being said, when I recognize Solana’s voice.
Oh, shit.
I’m moving before I can even think it through. I know this isn’t going to go over well. Not after they realized I was gone from the house without a word. I didn’t even have time to grab the burner phone, so I’m sure they’ve been going out of their minds with worry. That thought is confirmed when I turn the corner into the entryway and see Georgie and Solana at the door, guards at their sides while they argue with Judge.
“You aren’t welcome here,” Judge growls, inches away from Georgie’s face.
They look like they’re about to come to blows, and I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all.
“Stop!” I yell. “Please, stop.”
All three of their gazes whip to me, and Judge shoots me a withering glare so cold, it sucks the breath from my lungs.
“Mercedes.” Solana takes a step forward, only for the guard to grab her by the arm. “Are you okay?”
“Quit manhandling her!” I bellow. “Judge, this is ridiculous. Tell him to let her go. This isn’t necessary.”
“I’m not telling them anything.” His jaw sets, and I could almost swear a look of betrayal flashes through his eyes as he turns away.
I don’t understand it. Is he pissed at me for taking their side?
“Let her come with us freely,” Georgie says, the ire in his voice unmistakable. “Or so help me God, I will make so much noise about this fucking Society of yours you’ll wish you’d put a bullet in my head.”
“That can be arranged,” Judge answers darkly.
“Enough!” I yell at all of them. “Please don’t do this.”
They all fall silent, and I can see the irritation coiling in Judge’s spine, but he still won’t look at me. There’s no way any of them will handle this amicably with tensions as high as they are, and I have to put them at ease.
“It’s okay,” I tell Georgie and Solana, taking a careful step forward. “I’m going to be okay here for now. I promise you, I’m safe. I’m going to talk to my brother soon, and we’ll get this all sorted out.”
“Maybe I should go talk to your brother.” Solana’s eyes flash with fury as she turns her attention back to Judge. “I’m sure he’d love to hear all about what you’ve been doing here.”
Oh, fuck. My eyes feel huge as her threat settles over us like a dark cloud. If I thought Judge was pissed before, I was wrong. Now, his rage is a living, breathing animal, so palpable I can feel it radiating off him.
“That won’t be necessary,” I choke out, trying to salvage this trainwreck of a negotiation. “Santi will talk to me.”
Georgie looks doubtful that Judge will let that happen, and if I’m being honest, so am I. His current status is throwing off over my dead body vibes, and I know the reason is because he doesn’t want to lose Santi as a friend. Solana hit him right in the solar plexus with her well-aimed threat, but in doing so, she also revealed that I’ve told them far more about IVI than I ever should have. Something I don’t doubt will go over too well with Judge.
“I’m not leaving here until I know Mercedes has a line of communication.” Solana stares Judge down in a way that I have to give her credit for, considering he terrifies most grown men. “And if one single day goes by that I don’t get proof of life, I will burn this place to the fucking ground to find her. Do you understand me?”
I suck in a sharp breath, simultaneously loving my friend and wishing she’d trust my assurances that I can handle this. But then again, I’m the one who dragged them into this world. They only know what they’ve seen and heard so far, which hasn’t been great.
“She’ll call you once a day under my supervision,” Judge clips out. “At a time of my choosing.”
Honestly, I’m surprised by his concession, and I can tell Solana is too. I didn’t think he’d cave, but then again, she gave him a powerful motivation. And I’m not sure how to feel about his determination not to let Santiago know what’s happening. That doesn’t bode well for me.
For a split second, a fleeting thought enters my mind. It’s almost too brutal to even consider, yet it’s there. Would he try to convince me to get rid of the pregnancy?
As I stare at his profile, I know he couldn’t. In my heart, I know Judge. He can be cruel—he said so himself—but I don’t believe he’d ever try to hurt me that way. I can’t allow myself to believe it for a second. The problem is, I don’t know how he thinks he’s possibly going to keep this from my brother.
I can shield Judge from The Society. I could live a life separate from them, not attending events. Staying out of the public eye. None of the members would ever have to know these children are his. But I can’t shield that information from my brother. There is no way when Santi knows I’ve been in his care this entire time. It will come out, and it won’t end well for their friendship. That, I do regret. But I can’t change it either.
“Mercedes.” Georgie’s voice pulls me back to the matter at hand. “Are you really okay?”
“Yes.” I force a tearful smile. “I’m okay.”
He gives me a funny look as if he’s trying to tell me something, and it takes me a moment to realize what it is. Georgie has always been protective of Solana and me. When we’d go out together, he came up with a system to keep us safe. I had forgotten about it until now, but it’s clear that’s what he’s asking me. We have code phrases we’d use in any situation we ever felt unsafe, and Georgie would handle it. Mine was somewhat of an inside joke. If only they made a drink that could cure a headache.
Right now, he needs that assurance. If I use the code phrase in a positive context, he’ll know I’m lying about feeling safe here. And I know he won’t leave until he trusts that I am.
“Don’t worry about me,” I tell him softly. “They don’t make drinks strong enough to cure a headache, but I doubt I’ll need one anytime soon.”
His face softens, and Judge turns slightly, shifting his gaze between us, his eyes narrowed. He knows I’m communicating some sort of secret, but he doesn’t know what.
“It’s time for you to leave,” he grits out. “We’re done here.”
“It will be okay.” I mouth the words to them as the guards usher them back, and Judge starts to close the door. “I promise.”