Chelsea
The woman on the stage radiated absolute beauty. From the way her fingers gracefully brushed against the keys of the piano, to the confident smile on her lips, I couldn’t look away. The woman looked breathtaking, knowing well enough how much of a different level she was compared to some of us. She hadn’t even brought up sheet music. Every key pressed had been memorized precisely.
I didn’t stand a chance against her. Why did I have to go next? Continuing to watch her in amazement, I pressed my folder deeper into my stomach. From sweaty palms to a thunderous pounding heart, I tried my damned hardest not to fret.
Tonight wasn’t a normal night full of performances hoping to entice a crowd of people. No, tonight was all about catching the attention of a single man. Antonio Rowe. Somewhere in the crowd, he sat waiting. Seeking someone to fill a role. That’s what my teacher confessed a few weeks ago.
So here I sat, sweating absolute bullets to perform in front of a man I’d seen on magazine covers and television performances. A man everyone in the auditorium must’ve recognized. I’d never performed in front of a crowd before. Knowing full well what challenges I’d have to face, I‘d risk a little stage fright to get the chance to play alongside a man like him.
Hearing silence fill the air, I focused back on the woman’s performance. She’d hit the last note and moved quickly to stand. Bowing at us all, clapping filled the air. Well deserved praise, I watched her move gracefully down the stairs and over to the empty spot next to mine.
I normally wasn’t the type to get jealous. Knowing skills like hers didn’t appear one random day, I refused to let my feelings get the best of me. Feeling like I already lost the chance to work with someone I admired, I moved to my feet. Even if I wouldn’t win against a beauty like her, that didn’t mean I should run away. The show must go on whether I wanted it to or not.
Sucking in a breath of air, I moved up the stairs and onto the stage. Going straight to the middle, I looked out to the audience. Thanks to the blinding light above, I struggled to point out many faces. Because of the celebrity sitting somewhere amongst the crowd, I knew every seat was filled. A lot of eyes were watching my performance. Realizing the fact, my stomach tightened. For a second, I forgot how important breathing was.
Forcing a bow, the clapping died down and silence welcomed me with open arms. Thank god I chose to wear a pantsuit or else I would’ve tripped over a dress walking to the piano. Taking a seat, I opened my folder, pulling out the same sheet music I had worked day and night mastering. Decided to play it safe by going the Beethoven route. I prayed it wouldn’t hold me back.
After fumbling with the bench, I took a moment to breathe. Ignoring the few coughs of the audience, I bathed in the spotlight. After only two minutes of being under, the heat left my skin collecting sweat. Hard to breathe. After closing my eyes and counting to ten, I decided to go for it while ignoring the hundred pairs of eyes watching my every movement. I focused on the only pair that mattered. Antonio Rowe.
Opening my eyes, I rested my fingers against the keys and straightened my back. Clearing my head, I began with the first note.
My teacher liked to call me clumsy, distracted. Whenever I played pieces, my mind would slip away into a new world. Half of the time, I’d disassociate from the scales and drift off into an adventure paired with an angelic tune playing in the background. Sometimes I’d mess up, but hardly did I ever notice. Perfection normally didn’t fit in my vocab. I wanted to learn piano as an escape from the real world.
My teacher also warned me not to come here. I would be way out of my league. People had high expectations and I wouldn’t meet any of them. No matter how hard I tried, I’d fail. Even now, I heard her words on repeat.
For a moment, I closed my eyes. Basked in the growing heat from above. For a second, I imagined myself in my small apartment, playing my keyboard at my own luxury. Didn’t have a room full of people judging me. For that time, I could breathe.
I could think about the man I came to impress today.
Antonio Rowe was a magician. The moment he’d begin playing a song, all I needed to do was close my eyes and I’d be pulled away from all of my troubling thoughts. Only one performance of his and I knew I fell in love. From his talented fingers to his concentrated expression… I got absolute chills. He was my whole world and from the first performance I watched of his, I devoted myself to him completely.
Even if I didn’t catch his eye like the other performances, getting the opportunity to see him in the flesh would be an absolute dream come true. With such intensity and deep passion for his music, I craved a taste of what his piano got to experience on the daily.
My finger slipped and suddenly, the spell had been broken. In an instant, I was forced back into my world. Forced to realize that because of a moment of not looking, I had no idea where I was on my sheet.
Oh no. Not good at all.
Stumbling through my next few keys, my eyes searched frantically for any section that looked familiar. If I repeated a part of the song, it would drag my humiliation out further than needed. If I skipped a few bars, I’d look like a fool. If I stopped, I’d feel like a failure. What did I get myself into?
Sucking in a needed breath, I realized no matter what choice I made, I ruined my chance at being anything other than the words I’d been described as. Picking a random part of the song, I continued along like I hadn’t slipped. Didn’t matter though, I knew everyone noticed and I was finished.
With one slip, my dream became crushed.
***
I wanted to cry. To run out of the auditorium and hide away so no one could find me. I didn’t. After returning to my seat, I forced myself to watch the last few remaining musicians. Refused to acknowledge the few curious looks that pointed in my direction. No one asked what happened. They were too worried about their own performances. For once, I wish I didn’t have to be alone with my thoughts.
Applause filled the air and the final person bowed on the stage. The moment he’d stepped off stage, I was on my feet. Searching for the exit, I made a run for it.
The lobby became crowded in no time. Everyone wore smiles, enjoying the show they’d come to watch. I didn’t dare search the crowd. Knowing he could’ve been scouring everyone and searching for his future partner, I didn’t want to accidentally spot him.
My heart wouldn’t be able to take it.
Where in the hell was the exit? I couldn’t see through the waves of bodies. Feeling enclosed, my breathing became uneven. I shouldn’t have come here alone. Even if I’d brought my teacher and she swore at me for making such mistakes, it would be better than insulting myself in my head. I’d never felt so alone before.
What I needed was some fresh air. Something to clear me out. Too hard to find if I couldn’t even spot the exit. Deciding to make my way over to the nearest wall, I clung close as I walked. Eventually, I’d have to find what I’d been looking for. After a few bumps against random stranger’s shoulders and soft apologies, I located some windows. They were open, letting in a breeze. For now, it would help.
Stopping at one of the windows, I set my folder down to enjoy the breeze.
As if my day couldn’t get any worse, I watched in horror as my folder slipped, falling outside. Didn’t take much wind to scatter the sheets across the freshly mowed grass.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Letting my head hang, I forced out a sigh.
Could anything else possibly happen? Hard to feel positive while watching my music fly away.
I needed to go home. Try to forget all about today and pretend I didn’t suffer humiliation. Probably lock away my keyboard and refuse to play the instrument ever again. I gulped back the sorrow my eyes terribly hid. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, my shoulders sagged. I wouldn’t let any tears fall, not here.
“You there.”
Wanting to be left alone, I ignored the voice. Knowing I would be the last person to be addressed here, another sigh fell from my lips. Then a hand slapped down next to me, causing my body to jump. Hard to ignore now. Moving to look at the guy who decided it was his turn to make my day worse, I stopped in my tracks when I looked into the darkest pair of eyes I’d ever seen.
It was Antonio Rowe.
And he looked like he had a lot to say.