“And you can, Ash. One day at a time. I wish you’d let me be there with you while you find your way.” Cael took Ash’s hand in his. “I’m not expecting you to change your online status to ‘in my first relationship with a dude.’ I just want you to give us a chance.”
“That’s the problem, Cael. I don’t want a chance with you.”
Cael’s heart sank. “Oh.”
“No. You don’t understand.” Ash covered Cael’s hand with his own and leaned into his touch. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I tried to stop feeling how I do about you. Haven’t been remotely successful since the day we met
.”
Cael smiled at the memory. “You mean the day I pulled my smooth moves on you, bumped into you, and spilled your hot coffee all over you?”
Ash chuckled. “Yeah. That day. The moment I saw you, that was it for me.”
“So why don’t you want to give us a chance?”
“Because I don’t want a chance. I want a whole lot more. I want everything with you for as long as I can get it. I’m terrified of messing up.”
“You? King of the jungle? Ash Keeler isn’t afraid of anything,” Cael teased.
Ash turned his face and kissed Cael’s palm. “That might have been true. Once.”
The butterflies in Cael’s stomach were fluttering wildly. “You know the saying, ‘’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’”
“Someone should have Tasered Tennyson in the balls for that one. That jackass.”
Cael laughed, his heart going out to Ash. Everything fell into place. Ash had always been reserved when it came to his past, but Cael did his best to be understanding. He figured Ash would confide in him when he was ready. Never would he have imagined the pain and heartache that he’d suffered. Cael’s heart broke after finding out about Ash and the facility, though it put a lot into perspective and gave him a clearer understanding as to why Ash was the way he was. And now Cael’s heart was breaking all over again for the Therian he loved. He ran his fingers through Ash’s hair, ready to offer as little or as much comfort as Ash needed.
“What if I mess it all up?” Ash said quietly, staring at the ceiling.
“What if I do?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“I’m not perfect, Ash.”
“Nearly.”
Cael smiled, touched by Ash’s never faltering esteem for him. “The charming Mr. Keeler.”
“Stop it.” Ash looked away, embarrassed.
“Neither of us is perfect. Relationships are hard work, and everyone comes into it with their own baggage. Granted, some more than others, but if you really care about someone, you do what you can to make it work. Look at Sloane and my brother. How much have they been through together, and that’s only the beginning. Yet each time they come through the other side and their relationship is stronger for it.”
“Yeah, but Sloane’s not an asshole. No one would look at Dex and wonder why the hell he’s with Sloane. Your own brother can’t understand what you see in me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh?” Ash sat up, kicked off his shoes, and came around the other side of the bed so he could lie down next to Cael. He propped himself on his elbows and smiled. “You know something I don’t?”
“You two might not get along all the time, but he understands. He respects you, and although he’d never admit it to you, he thinks you’ll treat me right.”
Ash’s eyes widened. “Daley thinks that?”
“Yeah.” Cael felt his eyelids growing heavy, and he wondered when he’d gotten so sleepy. He closed his eyes for a moment before startling himself awake.
“It’s okay,” Ash murmured, his words laced with sleep. His eyes were closed and his breath steady. Had they both fallen asleep? “I should probably go downstairs.” Ash didn’t move, and Cael was glad.
“Stay,” Cael whispered, afraid if he spoke any louder, Ash would leave. He held his breath as he waited for Ash’s reply. It was only one word, but it was the most wonderful word Cael had ever heard.