And fear works. I learned that from Dr Goodnight.
4 AUGUST. LATE AFTERNOON
‘I’m home,’ I call out as I charge through the front door.
I hear my grandmother say something like, ‘There she is,’ as I enter the living room. Rob is sitting next to her.
I don’t know what to believe, so first things first. I unfreeze my face and smile.
‘I thought you were going to call me,’ he says, straining to keep the frustration from his voice.
‘I know, but I got to talking with Amy – you know Amy, right? She’s Taylor’s girlfriend?’ Rob makes a vague gesture, and I plough on. ‘We got talking after our shift, and I had some things I needed to do, and she was nice enough to drive me.’
Rob looks put out. ‘You still should have called. I was really worried.’
‘Well, I’m fine,’ I say calmly, despite the fact that I’m sweating.
‘You don’t look fine,’ he says. ‘You should take your medication.’
‘Right! I’ll be straight back down,’ I tell him when he tries to follow me upstairs.
He lingers at the foot of the stairs as I vault up them. I don’t take my meds. I fill a glass with water. It clinks against my front teeth my hands are shaking so badly. I finish the water and look in the mirror.
‘It wasn’t me,’ I whisper. My reflection looks sceptical. I try again. ‘There’s another killer in the woods, and it’s not me. Dr Goodnight probably has Gina by now. You have to move.’
When I come back, he’s still there, waiting.
‘I need a shower before dinner. Can I see you tomorrow?’ I say, walking towards the door to let Rob out.
‘Magda,’ he says, taking my arm and stopping me. ‘You don’t seem OK. Are you sure you want me to leave?’
I smile at him warmly. ‘Yeah. And thank you.’
He leaves. But the look on his face lets me know he thinks leaving is a terrible idea.
I wave at him as he gets in his car. ‘Don’t worry,’ I shout after him. ‘I’m really OK.’
I watch him drive off and go down the street. I listen to his car disappearing into the distance.
Then I hurry inside. ‘Grandma? I’m probably going to nap after my shower,’ I tell her.
‘Do you want me to wake you for dinner, or is this another one of your long naps?’ she asks.
‘It’ll be a long one,’ I tell her.
‘It’s those drugs,’ she says, almost as if she’s on the fence about them, despite everything.
I don’t have a reply for that. I go upstairs and turn on the shower while I change into hiking shoes and dark clothes. A metronome starts clicking in my head. Move, move, move, it demands, and I follow its orders without thinking. Is it strange that not thinking, only doing, soothes me?
I’m not manic any more. I’m totally calm. I tuck the new GPS into my back pocket. I bring my phone even though there’s no signal where I’m going. If something happens to me, they can use it to identify me. I turn off the shower, wait for my grandmother to go out to the garden to pick vegetables for dinner, and sneak out.
It’s after five o’clock by the time I get out into the woods.
I have about three more hours of sunlight, but I doubt Gina has that long. I run until I hit that steep, upward climb through thick and tangled brush, and then I climb as fast as I can. There must be an easier way to Dr Goodnight’s lab, but I don’t know it. If I’d had time, I would have tried to find some kind of logging road that dates back to before this area was made a National Park. Dr Goodnight needs regular supplies, and I’m willing to bet he doesn’t move his product out this way.
I don’t know exactly how to get to the lab. I don’t even know how close Bo and I came to it before the rain started and we gave up on Mila and turned around, but I’m hoping that once I get close enough, I’ll be able to smell it. I’ve heard the fumes are a dead giveaway. I don’t actually know what a meth lab smells like, but I’m sure it smells nothing like the forest.
I still haven’t quite figured out how Gina finally put all the pieces together and realized that Maria was working for Dr Goodnight, but I really wish she hadn’t tried to follow her and find the lab. It definitely had something to do with me coming back. Maybe I’m on Dr Goodnight’s list, and Maria told Gina that I was dead already? No. That’s too flimsy.