I lay her on the bed and slip my hands from under her. “I’ll get you some ibuprofen,” I say as she lies there with her head on her pillow and her eyes closed. Her hair is spread out on the pillow like a fan. She’s so fucking beautiful she takes my breath away.
“Are you stuck again?” She opens one eye and sees me staring at her. “You should get checked.” She laughs. “Maybe your knees are stiff.” All she can do is throw her head back and laugh hysterically. Shaking my head, I turn and walk into the bathroom, seeing all her products on the counter. She is obsessed with making sure she has everything she will need. Before every trip, she goes to the pharmacy and goes aisle by aisle, buying stuff she will need just in case.
“Dylan.” She calls my name, and I walk back into her room. “I thought you left.”
“Here, take these,” I say, handing her two pills, and she takes them from me. I grab one of the water bottles as she takes a gulp, swallowing them.
“Thank you.” She smiles at me, putting her head back and scrunching up her nose.
“Good night,” I say to her, but my feet don’t move.
“Why are you leaving?” she asks, sitting up and then falling back down on the pillows. “I’m pretty enough.” She looks at me, and my tongue is stuck in my mouth or at least that is what it feels like. “I’ve got a nice enough body.” She looks down at her body. “I’m all that and a bag of Doritos.” She falls back onto her pillow. I’m about to tell her that she is more than pretty enough when she looks at me. “Stay with me,” she says softly. “Like old times.”
She moves over in the bed to give me space to lie down, and my head is telling me to run in the other direction. It’s telling me that this is the most horrible idea I’ve ever thought about. It’s telling me that nothing good will come from this moment right here. “Only for a little bit,” I agree, getting on the bed and turning off the light. “I’ll stay here until you fall asleep,” I say, and she laughs.
“I’m falling, and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to get up,” she mumbles, and I just watch her as she turns to face me. “Dylan,” she says, and her eyes close. “I,” she starts to say as I watch her. “This is nice,” she says, coming closer to me and putting her head on my shoulder. I don’t move. My body is on fire, and I’m afraid if she comes any closer, she’s going to find my cock rock hard, and then it’ll be something I don’t want to explain. My heart hammers in my chest as she puts her arm over my stomach. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and then place my other hand on her arm. “Tomorrow,” she murmurs softly. “Everything is going to be better.”
I look down at her and hear the softness of her breaths. Everything I thought I knew comes crashing to me like the waves against the rocks. All the feelings I’ve been having for her are not normal. I don’t love her like I am supposed to. I don’t love her like I do Vivi or Franny. Maybe I never fucking did. I keep thinking about all of the times we were together. All the times she told me she was going on dates and me not being okay with it. I would get super cranky or when I went on a date with someone and all I kept thinking about was how much fun I would have had had Alex been with me.
The realization just comes at me like a freight train. My chest tightens so tight I have to focus just to breathe properly. She could have gone home with the bartender tonight had I not been there. I can’t even think about it. I can’t even begin to imagine it. I slip out from under her touch, moving slowly as not to wake her. The energy in me is starting to make my whole body shake.
Not only am I in love with her but there is also nothing that I can do. All I can do is sit in the chair in the corner, my legs not steady enough to walk to my bedroom. I can’t even talk to anyone about this. The burning starts to form in my stomach because no one would even understand. I keep trying to play how a conversation would go in my head, but even starting it, I know that it would not go over well. With anyone. My legs start to move up and down. There has to be a way.