Fin caressed my cheek. “What is it? You went rigid there all of a sudden.”
“Maybe the magic exchange, or the bond, is affecting me. It’s like I have this craving for safety, for domesticity. I don’t actually enjoy gutting people, believe it or not. It just hit me all at once. The Chief always made me feel that way, you know, safe. But now, in this world of magic, he can’t anymore.”
Fin tucked me against his chest, wrapping his body around mine in a warm naked embrace. But it wasn’t about sex; it was an offer of comfort, of the safety I longed for.
“This may be hard to believe, Zoey, since you’ve been in so much danger since we met, but I want to be the person to give that to you. As my mate, it’s my responsibility to make you feel loved and secure, whole and content. And after we get rid of Esteban, I intend to spend every day I have left with you doing just that.”
I pulled back enough so I could meet his eyes. “And what about me? What am I supposed to bring to the mating side of the table? How does this all work? I feel lost without the details.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to keep things from you, but I also fear telling you everything because I don’t want you to run away. To denounce our bond and leave me.”
“Why would I leave you?” I asked. “You’re as stubborn as me, and I often want to pummel you, but I don’t want to leave you.”
“Zoey,” he whispered. “Since the first day we met, you’ve been trying to leave me. Several times you did, and I barely kept myself together each and every time.”
I was very good at finding excuses to walk away when it was convenient for me.
“Maybe some part of me knew that walking away from you would be the most painful way to hurt you. The same way keeping things from me is the most painful way to hurt me.” I snorted. “It seems even our brains are attuned to one another. What if I promise not to walk away again? Not unless it’s the only way to save your life.”
“No, even then it’s unacceptable to me. I can’t even think about it without seeing red.”
“Fine. I promise not to leave you again. Period. But I reserve the right for short breaks from your presence if you piss me off enough that I might maim or dismember you.”
He laughed again. “I think I can live with that. And I promise to no longer to hide anything from you, except the one secret which I can’t reveal yet. But I promise to when the time is right.”
“But I just told you I won’t leave, so why wouldn’t you share it? It’s not like doing so will drive me right out the door into the night.”
Gently, he shook his head, his eyes full of regret. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing it to hurt you. It’s not only my secret to tell and it will affect everything from the moment it’s uttered. Can you trust me enough to wait a little longer?”
Damn it. When he put it that way, how could I demand he tell me?
“I still hate the thought of a secret existing, but I’ll give you some time until you tell me. But you will tell me. Right? No fae tricks where you reveal it on our hundredth anniversary?”
“No, I swear, I’ll tell you at the soonest opportunity.”
“Fine, if you won’t tell me your big bad secret,” I grumbled. “Now tell me about mates.”
He gently rolled me to face away so he could spoon himself against my back. His lips pressed to the curve of my neck. “Mating for fae isn’t the same as other creatures. Even humans have their own forms of mating, but for fae, it’s about two people becoming one very best version of themselves.”
“Are there matings with more than two people?”
He ran his lips up to my ears. “There are matings with any combination of people. The Gods decide and fae don’t ask questions.”
I ignored the not-so-subtle suggestion. “What else?”
He nipped my earlobe, shooting sparks through my body in a warm wave. “Mates start to feel each other’s emotions, then eventually, they share thoughts as well.”
I froze. “That’s why you didn’t want to tell me we were mates. You know how I feel about people being inside my head. You thought I’d run because of that fact alone.”
He nodded against the back of my head. “Yes.”
I tried to roll over so I c
ould meet his eyes, but he held me too tightly. “No, Zoey, I can’t look at your face when I say these things in case I see that need to run inside you again. Every single time it’s a knife to the heart.”
“There’s a huge difference in sharing thoughts and imposing your will over someone mentally. I don’t care about sharing my thoughts with you anymore, not when you basically know everything about me, including how much of my emotions I really keep locked away.”
“You—” His voice hitched. “You really mean that? You don’t care?”