He pauses after every stanza and makes notes on a page. I lean over and look at what hes writing. Hes putting musical notes on blank sheet-music paper, along with the lyrics.
He points to one of the lines, then grabs his phone.
Ridge: What key do you sing this line in?
Me: B.
Ridge: Do you think it would sound better if you took it a little higher?
Me: I dont know. I guess we could try.
He plays the second part of the song again, and I take his advice and sing in a higher key. Surprisingly, hes right. It does sound better.
How did you know that? I ask.
He shrugs.
Ridge: I just do.
Me: But how? If you cant hear, how do you know what sounds good and what doesnt?
Ridge: I dont need to hear it. I feel it.
I shake my head, not understanding. I can maybe understand how hes taught himself to play a guitar. With enough practice and a good teacher and maybe a ton of studying, its possible for him to play as he does. But that doesnt explain how he can know which key a voice should be in and especially which key sounds better.
Ridge: Whats wrong? You look confused.
Me: I am confused. I dont understand how you can differentiate between vibrations or however you say you feel it. Im beginning to think you and Warren are trying to pull off the ultimate prank and youre only pretending to be deaf.
Ridge laughs, then scoots back on the bed until his back meets the headboard. He sits up straight and holds his guitar to his side. He spreads his legs, then pats the empty spot between them.
What the hell? I hope my eyes arent open as wide as I think they are. Theres no way Im sitting that close to him. I shake my head.
He rolls his eyes and picks up his phone.
Ridge: Come here. I want to show you how I feel it. Get over yourself, and stop thinking Im trying to seduce you.
I hesitate a few more seconds, but the agitation on his face makes me think Im being a little immature. I crawl forward, then turn around and carefully sit in front of him with my back to his chest but with several inches between us. He pulls the guitar in front of me and wraps his other arm around me until hes holding it in position. He pulls it closer, which pushes me flush against him. Ridge reaches down to his side and picks up his phone.
Ridge: Im going to play a chord, and I want you to tell me where you feel it.
I nod, and he brings his hand back to the guitar. He plays a chord and repeats it a few times, then pauses. I grab my phone.
Me: I felt it in your guitar.
He shakes his head and picks up his phone again.
Ridge: I know you felt it in the guitar, dummy. But where in your body did you feel it?
Me: Play it again.
I close my eyes this time and try to take this seriously. Ive asked him how he feels it, and hes trying to show me, so the least I can do is try to understand. He plays the chord a few times, and Im really trying hard to concentrate, but I feel the vibration everywhere, especially in the guitar pressed against my chest.
Me: Its hard for me, Ridge. It just feels like its everywhere.
He pushes me forward, and I scoot up. He sets the guitar down, stands up, and walks out of the bedroom. I wait for him, curious about what hes doing. When he comes back, hes holding something in his fist. He holds his fist out, so I hold up my palm.
Earplugs.
He slides in behind me, and I scoot back against his chest again, then put the earplugs in. I close my eyes and lean my head back against his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me and picks up his guitar, pulling it against my chest. I can feel his head rest lightly against mine, and the intimate way were seated suddenly registers. Ive never sat like this with someone I wasnt seriously dating.
Its odd, because it seems so natural with him. Not at all as if hes got anything other than music on his mind. I like that about him, because if I were pressed up against Warren like this, Im positive his hands wouldnt be on the guitar.
I can feel his arms moving slightly, so I know hes playing, even though I cant hear it. I concentrate on the vibration and focus all my attention on the movement inside my chest. When Im able to pinpoint exactly where I feel it, I bring my hand to my chest and pat it. I can feel him nod his head, and then he continues playing.
I can still feel it in my chest, but its much lower this time. I move my hand down, and he nods again.
I pull away from him and turn around to face him.
Wow.
He lifts his shoulders and smiles shyly. Its adorable.
Me: This is crazy. I still dont understand how you can play an instrument like this, but I know how you feel it now.
He shrugs off my compliment, and I love how modest he is, because he clearly has more talent than anyone Ive ever met.
Wow, I say again, shaking my head.
Ridge: Stop. I dont like compliments. Its awkward.
I set down my phone and we both move back to the laptops.
Me: Well, you shouldnt be so impressive, then. I dont think you realize what an incredible gift you have, Ridge. I know you say you work hard at it, but so do thousands of people who can hear, and they cant put together songs like you can. I mean, I can maybe understand the whole guitar thing now that youve explained it, but what about the voices? How in the heck can you know what a voice sounds like and what key it needs to be in?
Ridge: Actually, I cant differentiate the sounds of a voice. Ive never felt a person sing the way I listen to a guitar. I can place vocals to a song and develop melodies because Ive studied a lot of songs and have learned which keys match up to which notes, based on the written form of music. It doesnt just come naturally. I work hard at this. I love the idea of music, and even though I cant hear it, Ive learned to understand and appreciate it in a different way. Ive had to work harder at the melodies. There are times Ill write a song, and Brennan will tell me we cant use it because it either sounds too much like an existing song or it doesnt actually sound good to hearing ears like I assumed it would.
He can downplay this all he wants, but Im convinced Im sitting next to a musical genius. I hate that he thinks his ability comes from working so hard at it. I mean, Im sure it helps, because all talents have to be nurtured in order to excel, even for the gifted. But his talent is mind-blowing. It makes me hurt for him, knowing what he could do with his gift if he could hear.
Me: Can you hear anything? At all?
He shakes his head.
Ridge: Ive worn hearing aids before, but they were more inconvenient than helpful. I have profound hearing loss, so they didnt help at all when it came to hearing voices or my guitar. When I used them, I could tell there were noises, but I couldnt decipher them. In all honesty, hearing aids were a constant reminder that I couldnt hear. Without them, I dont even think about.
Me: What made you want to learn guitar, knowing you would never be able to hear it?
Ridge: Brennan. He wanted to learn when we were kids, so we learned together.
Me: The guy who used to live here? How long have you known him?
Ridge: 21 years. Hes my little brother.
Me: Is he in your band?
Ridge glances at me in confusion.
Ridge: Have I not told you about our band?
I shake my head.
Ridge: Hes the singer. He also plays guitar.
Me: When do you play next? I want to watch.
He laughs.
Ridge: I dont play. Its kind of complicated. Brennan insists that I have as much stake in the ownership of the band as he does because I write the majority of the music, which is why I refer to myself as being part of the band sometimes. I think its ridiculous, but hes convinced we wouldnt be where we are at this point without me, so I agree to it for now. But with the success I think hes about to have, Ill make him renegotiate eventually. I dont like feeling as though Im taking advantage of him.
Me: If he doesnt feel that way, then you definitely shouldnt feel that way. And why dont you play with them?
Ridge: I have a few times. Its kind of difficult, not being able to hear everything else going on with the band during a song, so I feel like I throw them off when I play with them. Besides, theyre on tour right now, and I cant travel, so Ive just been sending him the stuff I write.
Me: Why cant you tour with them? Dont you work from home?
Ridge: Other obligations. But next time theyre in Austin, Ill take you.
Ill take you. I think I like that part of his message a little too much.
Me: Whats the name of the band?
Ridge: Sounds of Cedar.
I slam my laptop shut and swing my eyes to his. Shut up!
He nods, then reaches down and opens my laptop again.
Ridge: Youve heard of us?
Me: Yes. Everyone on campus has heard of your band, considering they played almost every single weekend last year. Hunter loves you guys.
Ridge: Ah. Well, this is the first time Ive ever wished we had one less fan. So youve seen Brennan play?
Me: I only went with Hunter once, and it was one of the last shows, but yes. I think I may have most of the songs on my phone, actually.
Ridge: Wow. Small world. We are close to a record deal. Thats why Ive been stressing so much about these songs. And why you need to help me.
Me: OMG! I just realized Im writing lyrics for SOUNDS OF CEDAR!!!
I slide my laptop over, then roll onto my stomach and squeal into the mattress while I kick my legs up and down.
Holy crap! This is too cool.
I compose myself, ignoring Ridges laughter, then sit up straight again and grab my laptop.
Me: So you wrote most of those songs?
He nods.
Me: Did you write the lyrics to the song Something?
He nods again. I seriously cant believe this is happening right now. Knowing he wrote those lyrics and now Im sitting here next to him is exciting me way too much.
Me: Im about to listen to your song. Since you get to decipher my lyrics, its my turn to decipher yours.
Ridge: I wrote that song two years ago.
Me: Still. It came from you. From somewhere inside you, Ridge. ;)
He picks up a pillow and throws it at my head. I laugh and scroll through the music folder on my phone until I find the song, and I hit play.
SOMETHING
I keep on wondering why I cant say bye to you
And the only thing I can think of is the truth
Its hard to start over, keep checkin that rearview, too
But somethings coming
Something right for you
Just wait a bit longer
Youll find something you wanted
Something you needed
Something you want to have repeated
Oh, that feelings all right
Youll find that if you listen
Between all the kissing
What made it work
Wound up messing
That seems about right
I guess I thought that we would always stay the same
And I can tell that you find somebody to blame
And I know in my heart, in my mind, its all a game