She bit her lip. ‘You didn’t say much about it.’
He frowned, then rubbed a hand over his face. ‘It was different from usual.’
‘In what way?’
His heart was thumping now. The tension was back. Earlier, in the water, he’d forced himself to go deeper, to do what he always did, what he’d always done—flee the feeling. Only this time he hadn’t run, he’d swum.
But the feeling had stayed with him. And there, in the shifting currents of the Atlantic, he’d realised that it didn’t matter how far he swam. For years now he’d kept pushing his body to the limit—diving, climbing, base-jumping—always seeking the next thrill, constantly needing to go deeper, faster, higher. Only for the first time he had asked himself why?
Could it be that all those physical challenges were just an attempt to fill a void? The void left by his decision not to pursue the normal goals of adult life—marriage, falling in love, having a family?
If so, then they were no longer necessary.
He’d reached the wreck and then, using the currents, made his way over and around it, trying to escape the pressure in his chest, choosing not to give it a name.
Now, though, with her beautiful, serious grey eyes on his face, he didn’t want to escape, and he was tired of fleeing.
Reaching out, he took her hand. ‘Look, Kitty. I don’t know how to say this—’
She stared at him, her fingers stiffening.
‘So I’m just going to start at the beginning and carry on to the end.’
‘Okay,’ she whispered.
‘I wanted you from the first moment I saw you, and I tried to stay away only I couldn’t. So I came back. And then you told me you were pregnant, and I wanted to be there for the baby, so I asked you to marry me. But I didn’t love you.’
‘I know.’ Her eyes were wide and bright. ‘I know how you feel, César.’
His grip tightened around her hand. ‘Only today, when I went down to the wreck, I kept expecting to feel how I usually do. A little bit nervous, maybe, and excited. But I didn’t.’
His mouth twisted.
‘The whole dive just didn’t feel right. I kept thinking something was missing. And then I realised...’ He paused. ‘I realised that it was you. I missed you, and what I was feeling was loneliness. I told myself I was being stupid, that it was the dive talking. Only when I got out of the water I felt better. I felt whole again.’
She cleared her throat. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying that I still want to marry you.’ He let out a shaky breath. ‘But this time it’s because I love you.’
‘You love me?’ For a moment she stared at him blankly, and then slowly she withdrew her hand from his.
Striving for calm, he opened his mouth—but his words stayed unspoken as she started to shake her head.
‘But I never asked for your love and I don’t need it. I don’t want it.’
‘Kitty—’
He reached across the table, but she jerked backwards.
Still shaking her head, she got to her feet, scraping her chair across the floor. ‘I’m sorry, César, but I don’t love you.’
The chair fell backwards, and as it hit the floor he watched, heart hammering, body frozen, as she turned and ran from the room.
CHAPTER TEN
KITTY MOVED BLINDLY through the house, the lie echoing inside her head. Her heart was racing, her blood pounding incessantly.
He loved her and she loved him.