“With everything that has been happening, there hasn’t been a lot of time, but there’s something we need to talk about. And I have walked this realm long enough to know there’s not always a later,” he said, and my chest clenched. I knew anything could happen, but I didn’t want to think about that happening to him. “I know what you discussed with my wife upon your return to Evaemon,” he announced.
Every muscle in my body tensed, but my grip on the toy horse loosened.
He leaned back in the chair, rubbing his knee. “I know that you were angry with her.”
“I still am.” I slid my hand from the pouch before I did something stupid, like accidentally set it on fire. “That is not in the past.”
“And you have every right to be. As does Casteel and Malik if he…” He exhaled roughly. “I’m not here to speak for Eloana, only for myself. I’m sure you’ve wondered if I knew the truth about the Blood Queen.”
I flattened my hands on my thighs. “I have. It’s one of the things I think about when I can’t sleep at night,” I shared. “Did you know? I’m willing to bet Alastir did.”
“He did,” Valyn confirmed, and if Alastir hadn’t already been ripped to pieces and most likely consumed by the wolven, I would’ve dug up his body just so I could stab him again. Repeatedly. “He knew before I did.”
Surprise flickered through me, but I didn’t trust my reaction. “Really?”
“I had assumed that she died, either before the war or during it. I believed that for many years,” he said, and I kept myself quiet and still. “Eloana never spoke of her or Malec, and I let it be because I knew it was difficult for her. That a part of her loved him, although he wasn’t deserving of such a gift. That a part of her would always love him, even though she loves me.”
Now that did surprise me. Valyn knew what Eloana had admitted to me, and I didn’t think for a moment that knowledge lessened how much Valyn loved her. A measure of respect grew in me for the man. Because if Casteel felt that way for Shea, I would be consumed by irrational jealousy.
“It wasn’t until she took Casteel the first time that Eloana told me what she had learned about the Queen of Solis,” he continued, the muscle under his temple ticking again. “I was…” A dry laugh left him. “Furious doesn’t quite capture what I felt then. If I had known the truth, I never would’ve retreated. I would’ve known that we couldn’t end the war that way. That there was too much personal history for there to ever be an end, and maybe that’s why she kept it a secret for so long. Or maybe it was because the lie had somehow become an unbreakable truth that held things together. I don’t know, but what I do know is that I need to tell the truth now. I didn’t know from the beginning, but I knew the truth about her for long enough. The whole situation is…hard and complicated.”
“That’s not an excuse.”
“You’re right,” he agreed quietly. “It just is.”
Anger simmered in my blood and at the core of my chest, seeping into those cold, empty parts of me. “You knew long enough to have warned Malik. To tell Casteel and me. If we had known the truth, we could’ve been better prepared. We could’ve decided there was no reason to attempt to negotiate with Isbeth,” I said, and tension bracketed his mouth at the mention of her name. “If we had known, we could’ve located Malec and gotten leverage. At any point, either of you could’ve done that. But doing that would crack the foundation of Atlantia’s lies. So, I don’t remotely care how complicated and hard the situation was. Neither of you told the truth because you were both afraid of how it would affect you—how people looked upon you. Whether you would still have the support of the people if they learned that the Queen of Solis was the mistress their Queen had tried to kill. That Isbeth was never a vampry. She wasn’t the first Ascended. Atlantia was built on lies, just like Solis.”
“I…I cannot disagree with any of that,” he said, holding my gaze. “And if we could go back and do the right thing, we would. We would’ve told the truth about her.”
“Her name is Isbeth.” My fingers dug into my legs. “Not speaking her name doesn’t change that it is her.”
Valyn lowered his chin, nodding. “Nor does that make it any easier to speak her name. Or think that she is your mother. Truly, we believed that you were possibly a deity, a descendant of one of the mortals Malec had an affair with. We didn’t know what he was until you told us.” He paused. “Though I am grateful to have learned that he’s not your father. Twins. Malec and Ires. That explains why you share some of his features.”