I glare at him. “Dom …”
“Sorry I’m late.” Ford comes into the conference room and sits at the head of the table. “What are we …?” He looks up. “Okay. What’s happening here?”
“Nothing,” I say, pulling my gaze to Ford.
“Bad morning?” he asks.
“Something like that.”
“Okay.” He opens his black folder and gives each of us a packet for a concert we’re going to work on. “I want to start with …”
I stop listening. I can’t force myself to care.
THIRTY-THREE
NATE
Whoever said time heals all wounds was a liar.
Granted, this is just the second morning since Paige was here, but that’s beside the point.
I woke up this morning with the worst headache I’ve ever had. There’s a gnawing, bleeding feeling in the pit of my stomach and, no matter how I move or what I drink, it’s still there. It’s from the loss of her. I’m not ignorant.
If I knew where she was and that she was okay and safe, and that someone was taking care of her, it would be better. Maybe.
As much as it pains me, it’s almost worst that I can’t be confident that she’s okay. I had Shaye call her last night. Paige didn’t answer but texted her that she was busy and wouldn’t be working this week. She also requested that Shaye please let someone know …
Fuck.
I’m torn from my thoughts by the little feet tapping the floor. Ryder’s standing in the doorway, frowning.
I’m so sorry, my boy.
“Oh,” he says.
My heart squeezes. I turn the stove off and move the eggs to a cold burner. Please let me know what to say.
This is what I was worried about. This is why I wanted to find someone ready to settle down. Yet even though Paige is gone, I don’t regret having her here. Not at all.
She brought a light into our lives. She gave us a taste of what could be. She showed me … us what we were missing.
I look at my son and, although I hurt for him, I know he’ll be okay. He’s strong. He’s like me.
“Hey, buddy,” I say. “Want some breakfast?”
“Where’s Paige Stage?”
I take a deep breath. “She had some stuff to do.”
“Is she coming back?”
My eyes close. I can’t lie to him. “I hope so.”
He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “Her stuff is gone. I looked.”
“She had to take it with her. What was she supposed to do? Go naked?”
He almost grins. I wish I could too …
“Let’s eat breakfast. You can come to work with me today if you want to. I’m just doing paperwork.”
I hope this brings a smile to his face. He loves hanging out in my office and snacking on the chips and Sprites that the girls pretend to sneak into my office.
Like Paige used to do.
I move to get our plates, even though I’m positive neither of us has an appetite. But we have to keep going until I can figure out what to do.
“Daddy?”
My throat burns as I face him.
His bottom lip quivers. “She’s not coming back, is she?”
“Ryder, I …” I gather all of my courage.
How do I answer him when I have no clue if Paige will come back? How do I avoid breaking his heart? I
go with honesty. “I don’t know.”
The green eyes that usually sparkle with mischief now blur with tears. The sight of it stabs me in the heart.
“Then we have to go get her,” he says, his voice on the verge of panic. “We have to go, Dad.”
I wish we could, buddy.
“Why are you standing there? Huh?” He stomps his foot, his face red with anger. “You can’t just let her leave.”
“It’s not that easy,” I say, my voice cracking. “She’s a grown-up. We can’t make her stay here if she doesn’t want to.”
“But she does want to. She loves me. I know she loves me.”
“Ryder …”
Tears flow does his little, rosy cheeks in rivers. “I will go find her if you won’t.”
“I’m trying. I promise you I am.”
“Then try harder because she needs us. She needs us, Dad. She’s probably scared wherever she is and we are just here eating breakfast. She’ll think we don’t love her.”
I reach for him but he smacks my hand away. He’s angry … with me.
I wish I could explain it to him in adult language and make him see that sometimes things don’t work out. But he can’t grasp those concepts yet.
Damn it.
“Paige knows we love her,” I say as calmly as I can, swallowing the surge of emotion welling in my throat. “I promise you that she knows that.”
“She’s counting on us, Dad. She thinks you’re the best dad ever. She told me that.” His eyes widen. “She said you’re a very good man and you’ll always keep me safe. You aren’t like her dad.”
My eyes burn. I don’t rub them because I’m afraid I’ll cry. I can’t cry in front of him, even if my world is falling apart, because he needs me to be strong.