Pater looks at me through narrowed eyes, but nods in acceptance. Since this is his home and we abide by his rules, he’s not bound to any promise he makes. I know it just as much as he does, but I can only hope he’ll allow me this small token of kindness.
“I want to know what you’ve done with Vaughn,” I reply, crossing my arms over my chest and meeting his narrowed eyes with a stubborn stare.
A slow, malicious grin spreads across his handsome face and I can feel myself starting to waiver in the mock confidence I’ve presented.
“I dumped him,” he says, chuckling. “If he doesn’t have respect for his mother, he definitely doesn’t have any for his father. Can’t keep a little shit like that around.”
In an odd moment of clarity, I’m surprised that I feel nothing. No more sorrow, no more hope, no more hatred toward Pater. And what I feel least of all as his words ring through my mind is my soul.
It’s gone now.
All of it.
By taking both the boys from me, he’s taken everything. It’s just me and Pater now, and by his assuming that he’s relieved me of the duties of being a mother, he’s given me something else I haven’t felt in years.
The will to fight.
Chapter Eleven
Pater has his arm wrapped tightly enough around me that I can’t leave the bed without him knowing, but loose enough that I’m free to move around until I’m comfortable.
“Hey, Joce?” he asks, punctuating his question with a wide yawn.
“Yes Pater?” I ask tiredly.
I’m holding his arm tightly, almost as though I’m trying to pull something good out of the cesspool that he’s become, but I know it’s all in vain.
“When I said I dumped Vaughn? You didn’t ask where.”
“It’s not my place to question you, Pater,” I reply quietly.
He chuckles as he nuzzles up closer to me. “I’m glad you chose to come with me. I didn’t want to put you in the oubliette. It would have made things too crowded.”
“What?” I ask in confusion.
“And I’m not exactly sure he’s alive, anyway. I did give him one hell of a push, after all,” he admits sleepily.
It’s another mind game; a trick. If I believe that Vaughn is alive, he knows I won’t resist him, but if I believe he’s dead, I’ll gladly go to my death and take Pater with me.
“What’s a girl to do?” he asks in a sing-song voice. He chuckles as he begins to run his fingers up and down my arm. The slight tingling sensation, the shock-wave his touch sends throughout my body, makes me both sick and almost happy.
Almost.
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” I reply as evenly as I can. It takes more bravery than I’ve ever mustered before to lay a challenge so boldly at his feet, and another chuckle is his response. He’s accepted I’ll do what I must in order to end this entire fucking charade, and I know he won’t make it easy.
“Tomorrow, baby girl. We’ll worry about all of this tomorrow,” he says, sliding his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him still.
“And the day after that?” I ask, turning to face him.
“Will there be another day?” he inquires, looking into my eyes.
“You’re leaving it up to me?” I ask in surprise.
A smile spreads across his full lips. He turns himself onto his back and folds an arm underneath his head. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he keeps his eyes trained on the ceiling and I can tell he is very carefully picking his next words.
“Honestly? No. I prefer if you would just go along and say there will be another day after tomorrow, and a day after that. I know this hasn’t been easy for you, but at some point, I’m really gonna need you to just try. Think you can do that for me?”
The truth is that I have been trying. I’ve done everything Pater has asked of me, and he still wants more. There’s no satisfying a man of his appetites, regardless of what they are, and my only reasons for even caring are either dead or dying.