A sharp object slid between his ribs, preparing to skewer.
“At the same time, I had this friend, right? Kirk. He was the one who introduced me to Melinda. As his family friend. Kirk and I shared a dorm room, both of us majoring in business. Sophomore year, we decided to work together on a start-up. We had this idea for an online stock footage company that would specialize in aerial shots. From drones.” He shook his head. “There are companies now that do this. Your production company has probably used one. But back then, there wasn’t anything like it. And we worked on it hard. We were going to be business partners. I was, like, a million fucking miles from who and what I’d been in Westport, you know?”
Was he really going to tell her the next part and humiliate himself on purpose? It was bad enough that he had to live with the embarrassment of what happened back then, let alone watch Hannah register it. But her grip was firm on his hand, her eyes unwavering, and he just kept going, like he’d been given an invisible push, no idea where he would land but knowing he couldn’t stop now.
“One holiday weekend, Melinda was home visiting her parents. I’d lied, saying I was going home, too. I didn’t, though. I never went home back then. I wanted to pretend Westport didn’t even exist. No one knew who I’d been, and I wanted to keep it that way.” He let out a long breath. “That weekend, I came back from finishing a paper in the library, and they were in our dorm. Together. Watching a movie in Kirk’s bed.” He tried to pull his hand free of Hannah’s, because he was starting to feel dirty over what was coming and he didn’t want that filthiness touching her, but she held on, tightening her hold. “So I confronted them. Explained that Melinda and I had been seeing each other for months. Kirk was livid, but Melinda . . . she just laughed.”
Hannah frowned. Her first visible reaction to the whole sordid story. For some reason, he absorbed that reaction like a sponge. Yeah, it was confusing, right? Yeah. She thought so, too. That was something. He’d have to explain in a minute, and her confusion would clear up, but for now, that frown provided him the push he needed to finish.
“Turns out, I was her hall pass.” The sharpness in his sternum pulled back and lanced forward. “She reminded Kirk that I was her free pass, they’d established it on day one, so he couldn’t be mad she’d cheated. I was just the side-door guy. Not a serious boyfriend.” He shrugged jerkily. “I didn’t know they were dating because he never brought her around me. Because of this. Because he was jealous over her finding me attractive. And spoiler, she’d definitely called his bluff on the hall pass. He was not okay with it at all. He walked away from the start-up, moved out of the dorm. Never wanted to speak to me again—and I couldn’t blame him. I’d done the exact type of shit everyone expected me to do since grade school. Brought sex with me everywhere I went, intentional or not. It didn’t matter how much I tried to be someone else, this manwhore label is welded onto me. Melinda knew it without any information about my past. My business partner wouldn’t even bring his girlfriend around me. It’s just what they saw in me.”
Fox realized he was breathing fast and took a moment to slow down.
“I dropped out after that. Didn’t see a point in trying to convince people to believe I’m something I’m not. I’ve been working on the Della Ray ever since.”
They stayed very still, very quiet for several moments.
Panic ensued when Hannah started to scoot closer, her expression somber.
“I’m a good time. I’m easy. I’m fine with that.”
“No.”
“Hannah.”
When she reached his side of the bed to stroke his face, he pushed their foreheads together, teased her lips with a brush of his own. Hannah couldn’t disguise her reaction. Or the soft shudder that worked through her limbs and belly. Slowly, he dragged her tight to his body, locking their mouths together. It was fight-or-flight. Go on the offensive or risk further exposure, no matter that he was fighting the exact thing giving him comfort.
Distract. Distract.
“Come on, babe,” he breathed against her lips, groaning at the rapid swell between his legs, his fingers gathering the hem of her dress higher, higher. “I’ll make it so good for you. I want to.”
“No.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, her smaller chest heaving against his larger one. “We’re okay just like this.” She nudged his jaw with her nose and settled closer, as if letting him know she wasn’t afraid. “Just like this.”