“Maybe you were curious,” I offer, fresh tears burning my eyes. “How it would be with someone . . .”
Fat.
“Like me,” I finish aloud, biting the insides of my cheeks to control the tears. “Maybe you didn’t want anyone to know. Were ashamed and needed someone like Cindy for show.”
“That’s bullshit.” Something slams into the door, startling me because I’m so close to it. “None of that is true, Banner. I promise you it isn’t. God, just open the door and give me a chance.”
“Why?” I ask, forcing a hollow laugh through my tears. “Let’s just call it a one-night stand and move on. I’m sure this won’t be your first time doing that.”
“It was more than that, and you know it.” He pauses. “It was more to me, Banner.”
I hate him. I hate the way he makes lies sound true and makes me melt inside when I should be hardening myself against him.
“Look, one night in four years is not some grand passion,” I tell him.
“But how do we know what it could be if you don’t give me a chance?”
“You had your chance, Foster, if you even wanted it.”
“I wanted it,” he growls through the door. “Don’t tell me what I wanted. You wanted it, too.”
“When I thought it was real, yeah.”
“It was fucking real. Just . . .” His voice trails off into the silence of the hall. “Believe me. Just please believe me, Banner.”
All the parts that felt beautiful with the lights off war with all the parts that felt hideous under the bright glare, under their cruel stares. I’ve never felt what I did tonight with Jared, but how can I know what really happened? Is it worth risking this kind of pain again if he’s lying to me?
No. I have dreams, ambitions, goals that will require all my focus. There is an uphill climb ahead of me, and I won’t make it if I’m broken.
“I don’t believe you,” I finally reply. “And I want you to leave me alone. Here’s what’s gonna happen. We’ll take our final. We’ll go our separate ways. I’m moving to New York and you can go wherever the hell you want.”
“Banner, don’t do this.”
“Go.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Yeah, you are, buddy,” someone says from the hall. Sounds like my neighbor, Mr. Harden. “He bothering you, Banner?”
“No, I’m her . . .” Jared sighs heavily enough for me to hear it. “Please, sir, just stay out of this.”
“Banner, you want him to leave?”
Yes.
No.
I don’t know.
“Yes,” I answer, hoping I sound more sure than I am. “I need him to leave me alone.”
“That’s it,” Mr. Harden says. “I’m calling the cops.”
“Come on, man,” Jared says. “We’re just talking. Banner, tell him.”
“Call the cops, Mr. Harden.” I sound steady but hot tears squiggle streaks over my cheeks.
“Banner,” Jared growls.