He’d described me perfectly—but that didn’t mean I wanted her. “I’m not looking for a wife, Martin. Maybe you’ve gotten the wrong impression of me, but I’m not any different from the crows and hounds you described. I’m cruel—and I won’t be any different toward her.”
Martin turned to my father. “But you’re both men of your word. If you promise me you won’t hurt her, that’ll you protect her, then I know you’ll keep your promise. I’m giving you the thing you want the most—in exchange for what I want the most. It’s a fair deal.”
I felt my father’s gaze on the side of my face, the burn of his eyes as they drilled through my flesh. All he wanted was Ramon’s corpse—he didn’t care what it cost to acquire it. But I didn’t want to take on a pet, a nuisance.
“You said you never wanted to get married anyway,” Father said. “So it’s not like you’re making a sacrifice.”
“But I am making a sacrifice,” I snapped. “I don’t want to deal with an annoying brat. I don’t want her living in my house, running her damn mouth, getting in my way.” I knew avenging Mother was the most important things in our lives, but I hated what it had to cost. I turned back to Martin. “Why don’t you take her and hide somewhere? Move to Iceland and start over.”
“I can’t.” Martin inhaled a deep breath, but it sounded as if his lungs struggled to expand all the way, so he coughed into his hand, convulsing at the table.
Everything made sense in that moment. His sickly appearance…his pale skin.
He wiped his mouth with an old cloth that he kept inside his pocket. “I won’t be around to protect her. I’m not sure what will claim my life—a bullet or cancer. But it’ll be one or the other…and it’ll be soon.”
I almost pitied him—almost.
Father turned to me. “Martin, give us a moment.”
I knew how the conversation would go before he even said a word. I watched Martin walk out of the room, and when he was gone, I spoke before my father could give one of his famous speeches. “I want Ramon dead as much as you do, Father. We will find him—one way or another. Our time is coming. Forcing me into this marriage will only speed up the process. Let’s take our chances.”
Instead of being angry, disappointment filled his eyes. “There’s nothing your mother wouldn’t have done for you—”
“I know—”
“Interrupt me, and I’ll shoot you again.”
My mouth shut automatically because I knew he would make good on his threat.
“I listened to you, and now, you’ll listen to me. Your mother sacrificed everything for you and your sister. She gave birth to you, took care of you, put up with you when you were little brats. Now she needs us. Are you going to sit there like a selfish little pig when we have an opportunity to do the right thing?”
“I think Mother would want me to marry a nice girl and have lots of babies. It would be different if she were alive. I would do it in a heartbeat—but she’s already dead. This doesn’t change anything.”
His eyes were so steady, it was disturbing. “It changes everything. You will do this, Maverick. Or I’ll kill you.”
I stared at my father as the numbness set in. Ever since my mother had been put into the ground, he’d become a different person. I’d expected him to recover slowly, to emerge gradually from the dark side of the moon and return to the brightness of the sun. But he was progressively slipping away, disappearing further and further into the unknown.
I still remembered the man I’d once looked up to, the man who wore his heart on his sleeve. He didn’t have to tell us he loved us because he showed it with his smile, with his affection. But now that she was gone, he was gone too. He was just a shallow shell of who he used to be, someone plagued by regret, bloodlust, and terror. I wasn’t his son anymore. I was just a tool in his box. I was just a means to an end. When Mother died, his love for us died too.
In that moment, I felt like I had nothing left to lose. “Fine…I’ll do it.”
2
Arwen
My diaphragm tightened as I hit my last note. With my mouth wide open and my lungs screaming in pain, I filled the auditorium with my strong voice and brought the production to a close, seeing the curtain close in front of me as I finally ran out of breath.
The lights were bright, roses were thrown onto the stage, and I could see the audience rise to their feet as they gave a standing ovation. The adrenaline I received was more powerful than any other high I’d ever known, better than sex with any man. It was euphoric, dreamlike.