I hated words like majority and probably and usually. “And you will be doing the actual surgery.”
“It will be myself and my colleague,” she answered.
“I cut my foot the other day and have a few stitches, is that going to be a problem?”
“Oh goodness, I’m sorry. Are you taking antibiotics?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“This surgery we are talking about, it isn’t the kind of surgery that involves cutting into your body. Stitches in your foot are not going to be an issue. I think we’ll want to wait a couple days and make sure there are no signs of infection, then we can talk again.”
“Because you’ll be cutting into my eyes,” I mumbled, the thought of my eye being cut was freaking me out.
“You can opt to be semi-conscious for the procedure if you want,” she suggested.
“Hell no! There is no way I can be awake for that.”
Her soft laughter was just what I needed to hear. “I agree with you there. I couldn’t do it either. No way. No thanks.”
I smiled. She finally sounded a little more human. She had been so robotic it made me a little uncomfortable. “Good to know.”
“How are you doing emotionally?” she questioned.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you were experiencing panic attacks and I could see the signs of depression when we visited. I don’t want to do anything you are not completely comfortable with. Your recovery is going to be dependent on you. You can make things go fast or struggle every step of the way.”
“As in?” I asked feeling a little irritated.
“I don’t want to rush this,” she said. “Patients that had the surgery almost immediately following their accidents had the same results as those that had their surgeries months post-trauma. The recovery isn’t immediate. I don’t want you going into this expecting to wake up from surgery with your eyesight completely restored.”
I gulped, knowing what she was saying but still being terrified. “You won’t know if it worked for weeks?” I asked.
She was quiet for a few seconds. “It can take months. This is the part where you need to be in the right headspace. This is where you are going to have to be prepared for bad days. Really hard days. You need a strong support team. I know Luke will be that for you. Are you truly ready to do this? Are you committed to this one-hundred percent?”
I hesitated. “I am.”
“How about you take a few days, get your foot healed and then we’ll go from there. I’m not going anywhere. Well, I suppose I am going somewhere, but I will still be here in the US to do the surgery if you decide to do so within the next month or so. If you prefer to wait, I will leave you with information for my colleague who I know is willing to do the surgery.”
“But does your colleague have your same experience?”
“No, but it is a relatively simple procedure,” she explained. “I’m confident he can do it.”
That wasn’t what I signed up for. Technically I had signed up for nothing, but still. She was the pioneer. She was the one that approached me. I needed her to be the one that did it.
“I’m sold on this,” I told her with more confidence. “I really am. I’ll get healed up and hopefully I can keep from doing any more damage to myself and be healthy and ready to roll.”
“That sounds great, Bree. I look forward to hearing from you. Give yourself some time. Treat yourself to a spa day and just heal your soul and your body.”
I laughed. “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”
We ended the call. I felt better, but now I knew there was definitely an expiration date on her offer to do the surgery. I didn’t want to risk another doctor getting my case and backing out. It had happened too many times. It had to be her.
Chapter Sixteen
Luke
I AWOKE TO MY RINGING phone. I blindly reached out, finding it on the nightstand and pulling it close to my face. I stared at the screen with one eye. It was my mother. My next question was what time was it? I squinted, seeing the little numbers. It was just after seven. It was nine in Texas which was why she was calling. She had no respect for my time. She had no respect for anyone except herself. I hit the decline button.