The slightest part of me did hope that child was mine.
But, it didn’t matter. None of it did. Even if the child was mine, it didn’t change the fact that there was overwhelming evidence proving that Michelle was tramping around behind my back with her ex. And I wasn’t hitching my saddle to that horse ever. Everything about her had been a lie. The innocence. The honesty.
The admission.
I shook the memory from my mind, not allowing the words to penetrate my brain any longer.
There was no way in hell a woman like her could actually love someone. Not after doing what it was the entire town was convinced she had done. What I was convinced she had done in the pit of my gut.
I had no idea what I was going to do if I saw her in Anton’s house. How was I going to restrain myself in front of these non-profit people? I didn’t know how. I didn’t know where to begin. All I knew was I needed to get to Anton’s, get his house sold, and get this shit over with.
Then, I could deal with everything else.
Chapter 2
Michelle
I wiped at my tears as I packed my things up in Anton’s house. My hands shook as I stuffed everything back into my duffle bag. I didn’t care about the money Gray owed me. I didn’t care about the fact that I’d lost my job at the diner. I had to keep telling myself that all of this pushed me to something greater, especially since I had a life that would soon depend on me. Tears rushed my eyes as my hand fell back to my stomach. I had to get to a doctor. I had to get into the hands of a competent medical professional and I had to find myself a job again. A place to live.
But not in Stillsville.
I wasn’t staying in this damn town another second.
It was hard to see through my tears. But when all I had in the world was a ratty purse and a holey duffle bag of stuff, it really hit home how my life had hit rock-bottom. I looked over at the expensive clothes and jewelry Gray bought me while in Chicago. Clothes with tags still on them and jewelry that hadn’t even been worn yet. I could get a lot of money from those things if I sold them off. I could put that into a savings account for when I needed to purchase baby things. Maybe I’d open up a small investment portfolio or something to keep for future financial needs.
Either way, it was coming with me as well.
I folded down the bags gingerly, trying not to ruin the contents. Then I laid them on top of all my dirty, disgusting rags and zipped up the top of my duffle bag. I heaved it over my shoulder and reached for my purse, then took one last look around Anton’s home. The place had started to feel like the happiest place I’d ever inhabited. It was definitely the only place I’d ever felt safe. The only structure I walked into where someone was there to greet me with a smile instead of insults.
And now I was leaving. Heading to the only other place I had after admitting defeat to Stillsville, Illinois.
I only hoped my mother wasn’t in town to berate me like she usually did.
While I’d known that telling Gray about the pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy, I sure didn’t expect the reaction I got from him. He had gone from being the one of the most generous and supportive people I’d ever known, to turning his back on me in an instant. He had become cold. Bitter. The very essence of the people that had inhabited my life at one point. My mother. Andy. My old boss at the trucking company back in North Dakota.
In some ways, I was still in shock.
Walking out into the hallway, I could still see the ghost of him standing there. Wide eyes before they narrowed. Shoulders rolled back in defiance. Words so sharp they pierced my heart and left me bleeding on the floor. I had told that man I loved him. Words I hadn’t even uttered to Andy throughout the course of our tumultuous relationship. The only person I ever said them to anymore was my brother.
Wherever he was now.
I tossed my purse over my shoulder and started for the front door. If that asshole thought for one second I was sticking around because he told me to, he had another think coming. If he wanted me to talk to his lawyer, then he could chase me down. Because I wasn’t staying in Anton’s house, especially since people were scheduled to come by and see it that evening. I walked out the front door and shut it behind me, then slowly made my way down the sidewalk. The sun was hot and my feet already ached, and exhaustion unlike anything I’d ever known settled into my bones.
I couldn’t believe Gray thought I was after his money. That disgusting idea couldn’t be further from the actual truth. He had been the best boyfriend I’d ever had. If he had even been my boyfriend to begin with.
No.
He hadn’t ever been anything like that.
Gray never made me any promises. He just told me once that he wanted to get to know me better. That wasn’t a boyfriend. That was a curious counterpart. Nothing else. We never had an official conversation about what was going on between us. Not really. And in the end, I knew he was going to leave. Again. And so did he. If anything, I was a fling. We were a fling, and nothing else.
It was my fault I allowed myself to fall in love with him.
It was my fault I allowed myself to dream.
Just thinking about the fact that I’d been nothing but disposable to him made me sick to my stomach. As I walked down the sidewalk towards the bus station, my lip began to quiver. I wasn’t going to be sticking around this godforsaken town one second longer to see the next chapter of it. Gray had been right about this entire place. It chewed people up, sucked the hope from their veins, then spat them back out onto the hot tar asphalt. I’d never planned on getting pregnant. I’d never envisioned myself as a mother, especially with the kind of life I led. The kind of life I came from. But it wasn’t as if Gray put on protection himself. I wasn’t the only one responsible for this. He was equally as responsible.
I guess we’d both been a little too cavalier.