“I know,” I replied. “If there is anything I can do to help, please tell me.”
“I’m thinking of leaving the company,” she said point blank.
I stood there staring at her, blinking, unsure of what to say next. Sure, the fact that she might leave had crossed my mind, but I thought that maybe that sensibility about her career would keep her in place. Even if she was right in wanting to leave, another change in her life like that wasn’t what she needed. She needed stability in her daily life so that outside of work, she could focus on getting herself back in line, making her relationships better, and fixing everything that we had destroyed in one fell swoop. I didn’t want to fight with her, but I also was not willing to let her go without a fight. She was so important to our company and the company was important to her. I knew she was emotional, and it was never good to make decisions when you were feeling that way. She needed to wait until she could really think it through. I knew if she did that, she would see how important it was for her to stay.
“Why?”
“I betrayed my father, Tanner,” she said shaking her head. “I lied to him for weeks, and then it all came tumbling down on me. I have to repair these relationships before I don’t have either parent in my life anymore. I made some really bad decisions, and no matter how much I want a career, I’m not like you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t just let my most important relationships fall to the wayside so my career stays strong,” she said quietly. “I want both a family relationship and a career, and I’m not sure I can do that with your company, especially since it is going to be a sore spot for my father for a very long time.”
“Just because I made the choice to cut everything out of my life and just focus on my career, doesn’t mean everyone that works for me has to be that way,” I said. “You are very important to me and this company, and I will do anything I can to make sure you have the ability to have everything you want in your life. You can have a family and a career at the same time. You’re versatile like that. When I was coming up, I didn’t have anyone to show me that, and the woman I was married to was only interested in my money. It scared me away from everything, like I’m afraid your mother has scared your father away. It’s a lonely life that I chose, but it is not the only c
hoice. I know that now.”
“I don’t know,” she sighed, looking down.
“You don’t have to decide now,” I said. “In fact, I implore you to not make a decision right now, especially with emotions so heightened. Take the rest of the week off. Relax, take in a deep breath, talk to your best friend, do whatever you need to do to start correcting the mess that we made, and then, when you have a better grasp on everything you want and what it will take to get there, then make your decision.”
“None of this is easy,” she groaned. “I just want to crawl into a cave.”
“That won’t do you any good either.” I smiled. “Just take my offer, please. Give yourself some time. Don’t make any decisions now.”
I stood there staring at this beautiful woman in front of me, wanting so badly to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She needed someone to be there for her, but with the current situation, it couldn’t be me, no matter how much I wanted it to be. I needed to give her space, let her breathe, and then later, when things had settled, I could come forward and embrace her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for my part in all of these things. It was so easy to say yes, not thinking about the fact that though I had nothing really to lose, she had everything to lose. I didn’t think about her feelings or her life until it was too late to do anything about it. She deserved so much better than that.
“Please,” I said, stepping forward and reaching for her hand. “Take the week. Think about everything, don’t make a decision about your future just yet.”
“Okay,” she said, nodding her head and smiling before pulling her hand away slowly.
Relief flooded through me as I stood there looking at this beautiful woman, wondering if I would ever feel her embrace again. I didn’t want her to take a week. I wanted to be selfish and have her there across the hall from me. I wanted to keep her close, so she wouldn’t forget that I cared and that she had feelings for me. That would be selfish, though, and selfish behavior was what got us into that mess in the first place. I knew I had to give her space, let her work it out on her own, even if that meant she distanced herself from me. I cared enough about her that I wanted her to be happy, regardless of whether that included me or not.
I smiled back at her and stood there for a moment before backing out of the elevator. I waited and watched as the doors shut, my view of Ava completely gone. I felt like I had lost her in that moment, and it was almost too much to take. Leave it to me to completely screw up the first woman I had feelings for since my ex-wife. I was a complete and total mess in everything that I did. I turned and walked back to my office, telling my secretary that I didn’t want to be bothered, and shut the door behind me. I wanted to talk to Dean, try and help him realize how much Ava really loved him.
I picked up the phone and dialed his number, listening to it as it rang. After the third ring, he sent the call to voicemail and I hung up, frustrated that I couldn’t help in any way. Dean didn’t have to ever forgive me, but he needed to forgive his daughter before she set herself up for failure in her personal life and her career. If he knew what was going on, he would push back a bit and open up to the possibility of forgiving her. I knew he needed time, but it wasn’t something he had the luxury of at that moment.
I picked the phone back up and called him again, with no answer. However, this time I didn’t just hang up. I listened to the voicemail and at the sound of the beep I took in a deep breath.
“Dean, I know I am the last person you want to talk to, and that’s fine,” I said to the message. “But your daughter is hurting. She loves you so much, and I’m afraid that she is going to make rash decisions about her life because all she can think about is making things right with you. You don’t have to talk to me, but please consider letting Ava back in your life, before it’s too late.”
I hung up the phone and tapped my pen on the desk, feeling good that I left the message. At least he would hear the words, even if he refused to call me back. I knew he loved his daughter more than anything in the world, and for him, losing her was worse than losing his wife. I knew that once he calmed down, he would see that reconciling with Ava was vital. After that, though, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be in either one of their lives.
Chapter 22: Ava
Having time off sounded like a great idea at first, but only a day later, I was sitting on my couch feeling absolutely miserable. I couldn’t get my father off my mind, and I had called him a dozen times, with no response. All I could do was sit there, wondering what he was thinking, replaying the whole scene over and over again in my mind. There was something that kept nagging me, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on but I knew it had to do with Tanner. He was still on my mind, even after everything, and I needed to stop thinking about him. It should be easy. I should be able to think about all the problems and trouble that we had been through and realize that having him in my life was not what was best for me. Instead, I felt an ache in my heart, a place I was not familiar with, a feeling that I hadn’t had before.
I took in a deep breath and sighed it out, realizing there was nothing I could do to change how I felt. Maybe time would help, maybe it wouldn’t, but either way, I needed to focus on getting my father back into my life, and my life back into a rhythm. I shook my head and stood up, walking toward the kitchen. As soon as I stepped foot inside, there was a knock at the door, scaring the hell out of me. I turned toward the door, my heart racing. I ran across the room and flung it open, hoping beyond hopes that it was my father. However, as the door creaked open, I stared out at Tanner, standing in the doorway holding a single white rose. I sighed and stepped back, trying not to look too let down. Besides, I had just been thinking about how much I wanted to see him, and there he was, as if he could read my mind.
“Don’t look too disappointed,” he chuckled.
“I’m sorry,” I sighed. “I thought you were going to be my father.”
“Still no word?”
“Not a peep,” I said looking down.
“I’m sure that will change soon,” he said in a caring voice.