He whined.
“Stop it!” I hissed, as Johnathan broke through, into view.
“Carrie, come on! Let’s talk about this. You could fall…It’s so easy to get lost…”
“What do you care? You pushed me away. Congratulations. You’ve done exactly what you wanted to do. Doesn’t it feel great? Aren’t you happy that you were able to treat me so badly, that I would rather brave the wilderness than spending even one more day with you?”
Jonathan staggered back, as though he was genuinely regretting what he had done. However, it didn’t mean much to me now. Even if he had seen the error in his ways, I was done with trying to please him.”
“It’s okay, though, because you don’t really care. You’re far more concerned with convincing yourself that humanity has wronged you so badly, that you can’t ever fathom trusting anyone again, so why would you care about me? I am part of what you hate. You should be pleased with yourself.”
“Carrie, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean for you to leave…”
“Oh, I don’t know, I think you made it pretty clear when you told me to leave. It was either that or lie to you, which I think would be substantially worse. You can lie to yourself, that’s fine but I’m not going to placate your delusions. You’re not happy here. You don’t want to be here and whatever it is, you’re running from it and aren’t man enough to face…anything. You hide up here like a child hides under their covers, thinking that the world will never find you, but the world is all around you. You can’t escape it and the fact that you think you can, makes you even more pathetic.”
Johnathan didn’t move, and Jake sat between us, looking from one to the other with a sense of panic on his face. It was clear that he was upset the tension that was between us and he wanted to fix it.
Johnathan was quiet for a moment, but eventually sighed heavily, “Can we go back to the cabin? Please…I want to talk to you about this but I’d rather not talk about it here.”
I had given him the chance. He could’ve apologized. I might have even accepted him simply agreeing that I was right. However, he couldn’t even do that. He simply wanted me to come back with him.
“No, Johnathan. I’m not coming back with you. I’m done trying. I’m ready to…go back to my life, as you put it. Don’t try to stop me again. I’ve made my decision.”
With that, I turned around and started walking toward the direction I believed the rangers station was.
My plan was to reach the ranger’s station and get medical assistance there, in addition to transportation down the mountain.
Behind me, I heard huffing and aggravated moans coming from Johnathan. This was followed by a clapping of four paws, before Johnathan’s voice called Jake back and they both started to walk in the opposite direction.
When I finally felt it was safe to look back, without being caught, I saw that they had both disappeared back into the mountainous terrain and I was left alone.
Part of me was relieved, while part of me was even more hurt than before. I wasn’t sure what I had expected of him, but now that I had found out, I wasn’t sure if I should use this as fuel for another reason I should get away from him as quick as possible or respect him for doing as I had asked of him.
After all, he had come after me. I was the one who told him not to
and I had meant it…I think.
Dragging myself out of the dredges of my own mind, I shook my head and started down the mountain again.
By now, my ankle was starting to hurt, though it wasn’t in horrible pain. It was more of a sharp stab that dulled as soon as the weight was lifted off it.
I grumbled with aggravation as I tried to force myself to press on. I told myself that it should only take a few hours to reach the ranger’s station and if I needed to, I could rest.
I realized there was danger all around, but I had intended on camping on the mountain anyway. Now, it would simply be a better indication of my skills. If I survived I did good, if I died, I told myself it wouldn’t matter anyway.
I tried to laugh at my joke, trying to keep my darker thoughts on the more lighthearted side, but it was far too close to home to be funny.
I wanted to believe that everything was going to be alright, but logic told me that the odds were largely against me.
There were plenty of able-bodied people who went into the mountains and never returned; I wasn’t sure how my bum leg and I were supposed to fair. One wrong step would send me hurtling to my doom.
I continued anyway and walked for what seemed like an eternity but was probably close to a few hours.
By this time, my ankle was on fire and my head was starting to pound. I didn’t have any water and I was starting to get extremely hungry.
Through my fit of anger, I hadn’t thought this out too well and it was about now that I was coming to this realization.
I stopped and sat on a log, trying to gather my thoughts and strength for the journey ahead.