I shook my head and turned around, stepping forward and freezing as Ava came bursting through my office door. Lily, my secretary was hurrying after her, a shocked and frightened look on her face. Ava stopped in the middle of the floor and crossed her arms, tears flowing down her cheeks. I couldn’t turn her away, not when she was so passionate about talking to me.
“It’s okay, Lily,” I said putting up my hand. “Give us a few minutes.”
“Yes, sir,” she said giving Ava a sharp glance and then walking back out of the office, closing the door behind her.
I crossed my arms and stared over at Ava who had relaxed a bit after I sent Lily away. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and took in a deep breath. I could tell she was running her next moves over in her head, knowing I didn’t have patience to sit and listen to her yell at me. I cared about her, but I was hurt and from that, my demeanor had become cold and stiff.
“What is it, Ava?”
She sighed and shuffled her feet in front of me, obviously not wanting to tell me. She was nervous, an emotion that I hadn’t seen on her before, and something that was raw in a way I couldn’t ignore. Still, I wasn’t in the mood for her games, nor was I wanting to stand here all day just to have me repeat what I had been doing over and over again.
“I want to say how sorry I am,” she said quietly.
“That’s a bit late,” I said turning to my desk.
“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to see you again,” she said pleading.
“But you told him you weren’t seeing me anymore,” I replied.
“I know,” she sighed. “I panicked, I guess.”
“Ava, you have the perfect opportunity to stand up for us,” I said angrily. “You had the perfect opportunity to let him know that you cared about him, but that you cared about us, too. How many times do we have to go around and around with this. I know that I screwed up in this, too, but I never made you feel unimportant. I never pushed you so that you were hurt. You knew I could hear you in that room, but you said what you said anyway. And instead of coming in and trying to explain, you got clothes out of the laundry room. It wasn’t because you were trying to protect me. It was because you knew what you did was wrong and hurtful, and you were too much of a coward to face me.”
I slammed my pen down on the desk and looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with her. I could tell she was more than shocked at my outburst, and I had to admit, so was I. I hadn’t had any intention of letting her have it, of showing my weakness, but when I heard her apology, it was just too much for me to take. My mouth opened and everything spewed out, and there was no stopping it. I thought that if I let that happen, I would feel terrible about it, but I didn’t. I knew that people didn’t talk to Ava like that. They never let her know when she had done something wrong. Ava’s frail sensibility was always coddled by everyone in her life, but she needed to know she hurt me. She needed to understand that she couldn’t just say whatever she wanted and explain it away the next day, no matter how much I loved her.
And there it was, the reason I had been obsessing over it all. It was the reason I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of not having Ava close to me. It was the reason that no matter how much I didn’t regret telling her how it was, I still felt bad for saying anything that would hurt her. I loved the girl, whether I wanted to at that moment or not. I sighed, still looking down, not wanting to look up and lose my control over the situation. I could hear her sniffle.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I will be back tomorrow to retrieve my things and bring back any files I had at home to work on.”
She turned and walked out of the office, and I didn’t say a single word. I knew I should stop her, grab her, tell her how much I loved her, but my brain wouldn’t let me. I was so hurt by it all and felt like I deserved to tell her how I felt. I didn’t want her to quit, to leave, but at that moment, I couldn’t look away from my hand grasping the pen in front of me as hard as I could. I stood up and walked over to the office door, slamming it so hard the pictures on the shelves rattled. I was so hurt that I had nowhere to direct it, and I knew that it was only a matter of time until that pain couldn’t be held in any longer.
Chapter 26
Ava
I knew why he was so upset, and I didn’t blame him at all, but I also realized that I might have just screwed up the first real relationship in my life, and just as I’d started to fall hard. I jogged across the hall, trying to hide my tears and grabbed my purse, walking out of the office and down the hall. As I made it past the conference room, I jumped at the sound of Tanner slamming his office door so hard that everyone looked up in fear. He was so angry and so hurt, and I was the reason for it. I broke his heart, a heart that I thought would never beat for me, not even for two seconds. I think I was just as shocked by that revelation as he was. I shook my head and continued to the elevator, letting the doors close before I let the tears continue falling down my cheeks. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.
I had not only lost the man I loved, but I also just quit the job that I wanted since I was in my undergraduate program. I had somehow completely destroyed everything in my life, except for my relationship with my father. Don’t get me wrong, that was extremely important to me, but so was the rest of my life. I sighed as the elevator opened up, and I walked out, making my way to the curb and grabbing a cab. I needed to see Brianna, so that was where I headed.
When I got there, she was surprised to see me, but she was even more surprised at the fact that my face was puffy, and my eyes were red. She moved to the side and let me in, looking confused when I shuffled by. She closed the door and walked over to me, sitting down beside me and taking my hands. I shook my head and laughed through a sob, realizing how crazy I was sounding.
“My father came by yesterday, and Tanner was in the apartment,” I said starting my explanation. “He hid in my room while my father and I talked. When my dad asked if I was seeing Tanner anymore, I panicked and said no. He heard it.”
“Uh oh,” Brianna said.
“Wait, it gets worse,” I said drying my tears. “I went to work to try to talk to him, and he let me have it. He told me how hurtful I was, and then I quit, saying I would be back the next day to get my things.”
“Ava,” Brianna said, rolling her eyes. “Why do you insist on constantly torturing yourself?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I have an internal block on my happy.”
“Well, you need to tell Tanner how you feel,” she said, shaking her head and walking over to her kitchen.
“What?” I didn’t want to admit my feelings. “I don’t feel any way toward him.”
Brianna grabbed two glasses and poured a bit of whiskey in each, walking over and handing me one. I leaned back and took a sip, sighing as the warmth hit my chest. Instantly, I began to calm down a bit, and I knew that Brianna wasn’t buying it at all. Why was it so hard for me to admit my feelings for Tanner? It wasn’t like Brianna gave a shit either way. She just wanted me to be happy.
“You know what I think?”