“Probably a good choice.” I laughed.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, man, what’s up?”
“I know there has been a lot going on in your life recently,” he said, lowering his voice. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. Lindsey told me about what happened, and I’m not injecting my personal opinion on this one, but I want you to know I’m here if you ever want to talk or just sit and drink.”
“Thanks, man,” I said, stretching. “It definitely has been a tough time. I appreciate the fact that you noticed. I will definitely take you up on the drinking thing, although I’m not really much of a talker.”
“But you’re sure that you’re okay?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure why he was pushing me so hard. I knew that I looked like shit, but I had started to become a functioning depressive, tricking people into thinking I was on the up and up. Maybe I wasn’t as sli
ck as I thought I was.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m really okay. I promise.”
He stood there for a minute, looking like he was fighting with himself about something. I sat patiently, knowing he had the best intentions. I was really hoping he wasn’t about to talk to me about Amanda. The last thing I needed was to start that conversation all over again. When I thought that he was about to leave, he stopped and pointed over on my desk to a half-empty, open bottle of whiskey. I sighed and stared at it for a second, realizing that the thing had become a staple in my existence recently. I cleared my throat and stood up, capping the bottle and carrying it over to the bar. I stood there for a second, unsure of what to say. If I was honest and told him I was drinking my days away, he would push me further to have that talk with him. I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.
“I brought the rest of that bottle of whiskey I bought for the party in and filled up the container,” I said, trying to brush it off. “I didn’t want it to go to waste, and sometimes, the shareholders like to have a sip after our meetings.”
“Right,” he said, looking like he half-believed me. “I’m sure they will be happy to have it. It’s some good stuff.”
“You want a drink?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Thanks. I’ll probably be asleep on my desk if I do that.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty tired myself today,” I said, walking back to the chair.
“Oh, and Lindsey wanted me to make sure that you were still coming to the wedding,” he said. “We changed the seating arrangements around to avoid anything awkward. It really wouldn’t be the same without you there. We’ve known each other our entire adult life.”
“We have, haven’t we?”
“Ever since that event during college,” he said. “I knew you would be a success the first time I met you.”
“And I knew you would help get us there,” I said with a smile. “Though I am glad that you decided to get over that plaid phase that you went through. I am pretty sure Lindsey would have passed on a date had you been wearing that terrible tie you just wouldn’t let go of.”
“Plaid was in,” he said.
“No, plaid was never in.” I laughed. “But as far as your wedding, of course, I will be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Awesome,” he said. “Alright, I’ll let you get back to work.”
I nodded and smiled as he walked away, already thinking about excuses I could make to get out of the wedding. Unfortunately, I was so close to the groom that it would take pneumonia or a hospital stay for me to be forgiven for missing it. I could possibly stage a fall and have to be seen right away, but I knew that John would call me out on it in a heartbeat. He was such an asshole sometimes. The reality of it was, I didn’t want to see Amanda. That was a lie. I really wanted to see Amanda, which was exactly why I shouldn’t be there with her. I missed her more than I could even express, and although I still felt like I had made a mistake, that pesky little voice in the back of my head kept putting another seed of doubt into my mind. There was still a chance that everything that John had told me was right on target, and she really had been after me for my money.
I could remember the butterflies I used to get, waiting at her front door. I would get so excited and nervous to see her, but as soon as she was there in front of me, that all faded away and I felt more comfortable than I ever had before. This time, I was nervous, but it wasn’t about seeing her. It was about not wanting to let her go. I was nervous that I would either fall back in love with her, or I would get wasted and say things that I didn’t really mean. I didn’t know if control was something I was going to be able to exercise, and I didn’t want to make a scene at Jordan’s wedding.
The one thing I knew for certain was that the reception was going to have an open bar. I would prop myself up on the barstool and just drink until the event was over. That might keep my attention off of Amanda for a while, but I knew it wasn’t a foolproof plan. I knew that I was going to have to face her at the wedding, and Sarah, too, probably. I wondered how uncomfortable that would be. Maybe I would get the courage up to ask Sarah about what she told John, though I doubted she would tell me the truth if she was that manipulative of a person. What I really needed to do was stop being a coward and call Amanda. I needed to talk to her about things and find out if what Lindsey told me was the God’s honest truth. I didn’t even know at that point if she would take a phone call from me. I had made it more than clear that I wanted her out of my life. She probably would just hang up on me, and that was the last thing I needed in my day.
Everything was always so damn complicated. I didn’t understand why people couldn’t just be honest with each other. As I sat there contemplating Sarah’s part in everything, John poked his head in the door.
“Hey, dude,” he said.
“Hey,” I replied, waving him in. “I have a question.”
“What’s up?”
“Is Sarah coming to the wedding?”