“So,” I say much too brightly, probably giving myself away. “It must be fun aside from the dirty clothes.”
I forgot this is clearly a tricky subject, until I see his face fall. “It can be fun.”
“I imagine it’s very exciting being adored by the world.”
Jace falls in to a heavy silence. I can almost see the cogs ticking in his brain. I just wish that he’d open up to me and tell me what the hell is going on here. Who knows, I might even be able to help him! He wants me to trust him but it seems he doesn’t trust me. Not really, not fully, and that’s a real shame.
“I am sorry,” I say quietly, needing to get this off my chest. “About the whole cheating thing.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” Jace nods. “I do get it. I just wish we could have talked at the time.” He turns and gives me a bright smile. “But then maybe that’s just the way it was always meant to be.”
That sounds very much like fate, which makes me gulp noisily. I spent such a long time thinking that he was my destiny and it left me a mess. I don’t think it’s wise to end up there again.
For a while, we say nothing, we simply focus on cooking side by side, almost like we’re husband and wife and we do this all the time. There’s an undeniable flow between us, a bond that allows us to know what the other is thinking without worrying too much about it. It only makes it harder to consider letting go.
“Shall we eat at the table?” Jace asks me smilingly. “Or on the couch?”
“The couch. We can watch a movie then.”
I kinda need the movie to give me something else to focus on. I have just got Jace back. After I accused him of cheating again and I ignored him for days he could have chosen to walk away but he didn’t. If I carry on, I will push him. I’ll shove him away and then I’ll only have myself to blame.
I just need to get back to normal, to act normal, then I can keep him for as long as I can until he goes.
Jace nods and we take our seats next to one another. I flick some terrible horror movie on the screen, something so awful that we’ll have plenty to discuss as it plays out. This is something that we used to do a lot anyway, so it’s a good reminder of how we used to be when we were young and dumb and we had the future stretched out in front of us.
I know I would do things differently if I could go back there, I made so many mistakes that I wouldn’t make again, but would it change the outcome? Would Jace and I have made it work? Would we almost be married now? Or would something else have ripped us to shreds?
Would that still have been me?
22
JACE
T he sunlight streams through the window and warms up the cooler skin on my face, waking me up as it does. I guess in our flurry of activity last night, Addie and I didn’t think about closing the curtains. It’s probably early. Earlier than I would normally wake up anyway, but I feel calm and refreshed. Better than I have felt in ages. I really feel like Addie and I have cleared things up now, properly. The only way is up.
I prop up onto my elbows and grin at the sleeping angel in my eyes. When she’s resting, her face completely free of the stresses of her life, she looks wonderful. Even better than usual. With her hair all messy and shagged out, splaying around her face, her face free of any makeup, she is stunning.
I slide out from the bed and sneak into the kitchen to make her breakfast in bed. Despite the fact that Addie is snoring now I’m sure with that light bursting into the room she’ll be up soon enough. She
has to go to work today anyway, which is a real shame. I don’t much feel like sharing her with the world, but I have no choice. I’ve worked out by now that she’s a bit of a workaholic and I don’t think she’ll give up a day for me.
I hum a little tune to myself as I set about making her breakfast, without thinking too much about what I’m singing along to. It’s only once I have all the food placed up that I remember it’s a silly little song that I wrote in college for Addie about how much I love her. It was just personal, between her and I, and I can’t even remember the words now because I haven’t thought about it in so long, but it makes me smile.
I really am getting back to the person that I used to be. Ever since I made the decision and I chose Addie over the band, I just feel good. I don’t even know how I’m going to pull it off yet, but just knowing what I want is right for me. Somehow, I will make it work and everything will be okay again.
I put the plates on trays and head back into the bedroom. I’m surprised that she’s still asleep. It’s almost a shame to wake her up, but the food will get cold and she does need to work, so I have no choice.
“Addie,” I whisper quietly. “I’ve made food for you.”
“Food?” She wakes up almost instantly. “Have you? Really? You should be careful; I will get used to this.”
Her words remind me of the cottage by the ocean, the dream that I could make come true if that’s what she really wants. I could buy us that cottage and with the money that I’ve made from the band and we could live that life. Her and I, and potentially our two children. We could actually have everything that we want…
She sits up and takes the tray from me, eating the food hungrily. I take a seat beside her and do the same. There is a real comfort between us, a wonderful sensation that I actually want to be here. Usually when I wake up with a woman I want out as soon as I can make that happen, but it’s never been that way with Addie.
“So, I’m not going to ask you to take the day off work because I know you won’t pull a sickie…”
“I can’t,” she gasps. “Not right now. It’s such a busy time and they need me.”