“Addie, please answer my call,” I say into her voice mail machine. “I need to talk to you, I just…”
I give up and hit the end call button. There isn’t any point in me saying anything else, I’ve said it all before now. If she isn’t listening to my messages or she’s ignoring them, what’s the point in me going on?
I pat my phone against my hand, my brain racing at a million miles an hour. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do. I’m all over the place. Should I just leave it? Wait for her to come to me?
“No.” I shake my head hard. “I can’t just leave it. I left it last time and she was gone.”
But what can I do? She isn’t answering my calls; she is making it clear to me that she doesn’t want to know. But I need to know why… so perhaps I should go to her apartment and see her.
“Jace?” Mom calls up the stairs. “I’m just about to make lunch, do you want some?”
She’s worried about me; I know she is. I’ve been locked away in the house for a couple of days and I know she’s wondering why. One minute I was all happy and buzzing about Addie and the next… I’m just a mess. There is a lot that she’s still concerned about with the band stuff as well, I am too, and I’m sure she doesn’t know what issue needs to be dealt with first. I don’t either, everything is falling apart.
“No, thank you, Mom,” I call back. “I’m about to pop out.”
“Are you sure? I can make you something to go?”
She’s so desperate for me to eat but I’m just not hungry. I can’t even think about eating right now. “No, it’s fine, thank you, Mom. I’ll get something while I’m out.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get ill…”
“I’m fine, Mom, trust me. I have something that I need to do.”
I grab my jacket and bound down the stairs two at a time. I need to get out of here and to speak to Addie. I can’t just leave it; I can’t just let her slip away again. I need to talk to her. I call out my goodbyes to Mom at the door and make my way to Addie’s apartment. My mind spins the entire time I walk, I barely even notice my surroundings, moving only on autopilot, and soon I arrive there feeling even more confused than before.
I check my watch. Even though it’s the weekend, there’s a chance that Addie might be at work but I have to give it a shot anyway. I make my way to her front door and knock hard. While I wait for her to answer, I bounce from foot to foot, anxiety zig zagging through me. I so need this to be okay.
This is the right thing to do, I remind myself. I cannot be weak again.
The door swings open, which surprises and disheartens me. If she’s here, and she looks fine, it means there isn’t any reason why she hasn’t been speaking to me. Not one that I want to hear anyway.
“Ja… Jace…” she stammers. “What are you doing here?”
“I have come to speak with you, I haven’t been able to get through on the phone and I’m… well confused.”
“Yeah. Right.” She nods sharply, barely meeting my eyes. “I see, well…”
“What’s going on, Addie? Let’s not beat around the bush here. Something has happened…”
“I spent time with Luci. I… I talked to her about you and me and she said that she did see you kissing Emma. She wasn’t mistaken, which just leaves me feeling…”
My hea
rt sinks. A sense of hopelessness over comes me. “Why are you believing her again? I told you, Addie, I told you that I didn’t kiss her and you won’t believe me. Why won’t you trust me?”
“I don’t know who to trust. This is really hard for me.”
“It shouldn’t be.” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “I’m telling you the truth. I have promised you that I didn’t kiss Emma and I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. I thought you knew me.”
“I do… I did… oh, I don’t know anymore. Everything is so…”
She stares at me, desperation in her gaze, the last few days has changed everything for the worst again. How can I be around someone, how can I love someone, who just won’t ever trust me? Maybe it’s true what people say and there’s no repairing trust once it’s broken. It doesn’t matter that I did nothing wrong, the damage is done anyway. Addie and I had our chance and blew it. It’s a shame, utterly gutting, but that might just be how it is.
But then an idea pops into my brain. One so simple I can’t believe that I didn’t think of it before.
“I will call Emma now,” I say proudly. This will solve everything. “She can tell you the truth.”
“You still have Emma’s number?”