I wait. I wait for what feels like forever. I wait so long that I become restless and irritated. My heart thumps against my chest, my teeth chatter together, anxiety zig zags all the way through me. I’m a mess. I cannot stand this waiting. Maybe what I should do is head back inside. Make an excuse and just accidently stumble across Carter, pretend like I don’t know what happened and just see him. Would that be weird? Can I have an excuse to go inside without being totally obvious? I could have forgotten something. That wouldn’t be so strange…
No, it would, I scold myself. He will know. He isn’t an idiot…
“Can I get you another drink?” I jump as the bartender grabs my focus once more.
“Er, sure.” I hand him my glass. Another drink is a bad idea because it means that I definitely won’t be able to drive home, but I’m probably already passed that right now anyway. “Thanks.”
No one’s coming. I’m sure I didn’t miss Carter leave as I turned away because his car is still in the parking lot. He’s still in there and I’m growing increasingly curious by the moment. I want to know what he’s doing in there. The longer it takes, the more my mind is spinning into overdrive. I mean, what if she hurt him.
“Here.” The bartender hands me my drink. I stuff a bill into his hands but I don’t touch the booze. Instead, I chew on my thumbnail hard, as I try to calm myself down. He isn’t hurt, that’s crazy… is he? Would it be wrong of me to just dismiss this because I’m afraid of being seen as a fool? What if he needs me? It doesn’t matter what’s going on between him and me, or him and her. This is something else. Or at least, it could be.
I push my chair back and stand to leave. Fuck my pride, screw my feelings, I just need to get out there and see him already. I can’t stand the anticipation for another second longer…
21
Carter
Wow, that was insane. I shake my head, still in shock. But thank God she’s gone now.
“You pretend to be a nice person, Carter, but you aren’t. You suck. You can’t help someone that you used to love even when she’s in trouble. What if these guys kill me?”
“You asshole, Carter. You would actually like me to die for revenge?”
So dramatic. She was always a drama queen, especially when she wanted something. Of course, she doesn’t like that I’ve wised up to her now, but what did she think was going to happen in the last few years?
“Fuck you, Carter. Just… fuck you to hell.”
And then it came out. Her true feelings. She never really cared about me at all.
That comment has stuck with me. It was designed to make me feel guilty and it worked. But I need to shake it off. It isn’t my responsibility anymore. It’s probably not even the truth anyway.
I don’t w
ant to be put in that situation again, not with Anna. We’re done. She will never be anything other than the dreadful person that she’s always been, and I know now that I deserve better. It will never work. Whatever the truth is when it comes to her story, whether Daniel really has lost everything through gambling and has consequently run away, or if it’s just a trap to try and extortionate more money from me, I don’t know, but I’m not bothered either. I’m happy to leave them to the life that they created for one another.
“Right. Time to leave.” I gather up my belongings. “I might need a drink to forget about this.”
Ryan is working today, I’m sure of it. After a couple of beers or whiskeys, I might be able to talk about it with him. Get a bit of it off my chest. Or at least forget about what’s going on… that could work too.
“Phew.” I lean against my desk and wait a couple of moments. I want to really make sure that Anna has gone before I go out there. Just in case she hangs around for a couple of moments for yet another show down. More rowing, more pathetic attempts at seduction, more mind games that I need to bat away.
Finally, I make a move. I walk around the building to check everything, grateful that Raelyn wasn’t around to hear any of that madness, and I head towards the front door. I peer through it, checking like I’m in a spy movie that she isn’t around. For a moment, I wonder if this is what Lee’s private investigator life is like… all sneaking around and snooping on people. That would be cool, but I’m sure most of it is computer hacking now. Sitting at a desk and typing away, sneaking through information that people assume is private, but isn’t.
God, technology must have transformed the spying business! I should ask Lee about that at some point…
She’s gone. I nod, satisfied. Anna has taken the hint. It’s okay, it’s safe.
I take a few steps, the taste of booze already almost on my lips, but before I reach the door, it swings open and I find myself face to face with the other woman in my life. The red haired pixie like beauty who’s like a breath of fresh air compared to Anna… but who has also betrayed me in her own special way.
“Raelyn?” I gasp, shock radiating through me. “What… what are you doing here?”
Her face flames red; she looks utterly humiliated. It leaves me wondering if she actually did hear something after all. She must have known at least something about it. Anna has been in the office all day long; gossip is bound to have run like crazy. She must have known that my ex-wife was around.
Urgh, how humiliating. It’s disgraceful. How can I explain this away? Do I even need to explain this away since she ended up dating someone else anyway? This really is a mess of our own making.
“I was just having an after drink work, that’s all.” She points behind her. “Now, I’m….”
“Leaving?” I nod slowly, wondering if this is what we both want. “Right, of course. Well I will just…”