“I’m good. You just have a nice time, okay? Call me when you get back.”
“Alright, well I’m here if you change your mind and you decide that you want to talk to me.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I rasp sadly. “That means a lot to me. Speak soon, love you.”
“Will do. Love you too, Raelyn. Don’t forget that. I’ll call you as soon as I return.”
I hang up and stare back at the office, hating what’s going on inside there. Carter is probably deep inside Anna now, reconciling what they once had. I’m going to have to see this too beautiful love pushed in my face all the time. Carter won’t be able to remember me and what happened between us when he has that beauty in his arms.
Urgh, that’s going to be absolute agony. More pain than I’ve ever been through before. If I thought that Thomas’ words hurt me, then I was wrong. What’s going on now is so much worse. Infinitely so. I didn’t really care about Thomas, it was just the spite that got me, the nastiness of his words when he was so damn wrong about me. This is deep, it cuts and scars me, it really does ache.
I can’t do this on my own, I need Abbi so desperately. She’s always been there for me before; I haven’t ever had to go through anything without her. I don’t know what I’m going to do by myself.
I turn my head and make my way inside the bar. One drink won’t hurt. I need it before I go anywhere. Before I face home all by myself. Those cold four walls staring at me, re
minding me that I’m all alone.
I push the door open and head inside, the warmth of the bar doing nothing to make my mood any better. I don’t really bother looking at the décor, my eyes are on the prize. I just need a drink.
“Hello,” the friendly looking bar man says. “What can I get for you?”
“Wine, please,” I gasp back. “A glass of white wine. I don’t mind which one.”
I don’t even care what it is. Just anything to take this powerful edge off.
“Sure.” He gives me a smile as he pours the drink. “Everything okay? You look upset.”
“Don’t even ask. I don’t even know where to begin.” I shake my head. “I don’t even want to think about it at the moment. It’s all just…” I finish that sentence with a weird noise that means absolutely nothing.
“Maybe you’ll find the words once you’ve had a drink. That’s what normally happens.”
He seems like a chatty bartender, the sort that I might actually accidently tell all my secrets to, which is the last thing I need, I take my drink and I search for a seat. Very quickly, I find a window which I’m sure looks over our office building. Enough to see who’s coming and going anyway. I will be able to see how long it takes for Carter and his ex to leave, and what state they’re in as they go. If they are all loved up and romantic, I will confirm for sure that I don’t stand a chance. Not the healthiest thought, for sure, but I’m not in the best place right now.
I feel like an idiot as I take my seat and I take a tentative sip of my drink. This is stupid, I shouldn’t be here, hanging around like a stalker. I should take this as a hint and go already before I make more of a fool of myself.
What would Abbi do? I ask myself miserably. If it would be her, would she be watching?
I don’t know to be honest, I haven’t ever seen her as addicted to a man as I am right now. She might feel strongly about Randall but I haven’t yet seen them together. She might stalk him like this if she’s scared about losing him. Or maybe I’m just trying to rationalize my crazy behavior. To suggest that someone else would do the same as me so it doesn’t seem like I’m actually losing my mind over Carter.
Finish this drink, I warn myself. Then go. Go and cry at home like a normal person. Don’t do this.
But I don’t drink any faster and I don’t take my eyes off that door. I think about how much he probably loves her, how wonderful they look together, how incredible their wedding must have been… I bet she looked stunning. A true vision. Like a princess, and not just what people say to every bride, but for real. I bet she looked incredible. I torture myself until I can’t stand it anymore. Until I fear I might explode into a million pieces.
What the…? All of a sudden, a figure emerges from the building, bursting through like an angry firework. It’s her, Anna Lace, with a red looking face and a flurry of blonde hair swishing out behind her. Now I can see more of her, I’m even more intimidated. She has the body of a super model, probably because she is one. She is everything. I would give my left leg to look even a little bit like she does.
She looks angry though, that hasn’t escaped my notice. I can see her enough to know that’s rage bursting across her face. Something has infuriated her and I can only assume that since he isn’t with her, Carter is to blame. I wonder what he did. Did they have sex then it got awkward? I can understand that since I’ve been there before. In fact, I might have even had the same expression on my face when I ran out after our first time. Or maybe he’s said something insensitive to hurt her feelings, which again, I have experienced myself. Or they have argued. It didn’t sound like they were going to row when I was eavesdropping, but anything could have happened…
I wonder what happened, I can’t help asking myself. I wonder what he did.
I don’t know why I’m just assuming that it’s him, it could be her as well. I guess it’s just because of the way that he’s behaved as far as I’m concerned. Which only leaves me wondering what on earth is wrong with me, that I’m chasing after such a confusing man that doesn’t even really seem to want me!
Still, I focus on her, watching her glance both ways, then back at the building. I can see what she’s doing, she’s hanging around for a few extra moments to see if he’ll follow her out here, but it seems to me that she’s out of luck. He isn’t coming, I don’t think he’s sensitive enough to even pick up the hint that he should.
Once she gathers that as well, she grabs out her cell phone and puts in a call to someone. Dad, maybe, or Dan. I can’t lip read well enough to tell. I don’t really know the situation, but I’d still love to know who she’s calling and what she’s saying. Not that I’m about to head out there to follow her… as tempting an idea as that is. No, I’m going stay here and wait for Carter to come out instead. I should be able to gauge by his face what actually happened in there because right now I don’t even have half the story. I barely have even a quarter of it. I’m hoping that he can fill in the missing pieces.
My hand shakes as I bring the drink to my lips. I barely taste it now as it slides down. I’m hardly even in this room now, I’m just spinning hard and high, the anticipation killing me.
Why is so much with Carter just anticipation? Waiting for something to happen?